cant pick my self up

[intelgal]

Hi, I am very new on here but wonder if anyone could offer me some advice. I have had depression on and off for about 10 years. My worst bout begun about 18 months ago but I actault sort help got new meds and was doing really well. I saw a counsellor and had made some real positive changes in my life. I stopped seeing then about 4 months ago and things over the last 6 weeks have started to spiral out of control again. i have stopped looking after myself and although I ve kep some of the positive things that I startd to do I feel like I am stedily going down a big black hole. I took an overdose lst week and although i regretted it I now cant stop thinking about it and even think that I wish I had done myself some damage. What shall I do, I dnot want to go doiwn this hole but feel there is nothing to stop me

 

[dunglen]

hello and welcome to this forum.

I am not feeling great just now but my advice would be to visit your GP as you had treatment before and it worked and it will work again.

Sorry I can't give you anything else

take care

 

[nickh]

intelgal - very sorry to hear that you are in a very bad place right now.

First off and most important I agree with Anne - you need to go and get professional help straight away. Your GP, the Samaritans, whatever contacts you have. Your GP should be referring you to specialised mental health services. But this is the most important thing, which you need to do as soon as possible. I know its often not easy to do this but it is vital.

The advice I am going to give comes a distant second to that as we are not professionals here (well nearly all of us aren't as far as I can tell ) so can only talk about our own experiences. My own advice would be to try and stop looking at depression as something you can cure by yourself - you say you 'can't pick myself up'. There are things we can do - different for each one of us - which will help reduce the effects of the illness, help us get through the bad times, but they are all long or medium term. When you are in the black hole there is very little that the individual can do (in my view) except stay safe and do nothing to make themselves worse. Thinking that you can cure yourself, that it is your fault, only makes things worse. It is NOT your fault, we have an illness/disability. Again I am not saying this is easy and I don't always practise what I preach - when I am ill I do blame myself and think its my fault! But I know that is the wrong path to go down.

So...get help (now) - please, keep safe and do nothing to make yourself worse.

And I hope things get at least a little better for you soon.

Nick.

 

[sandybob]

hi intelgal .. first of all

very sound advice already from dunglen and nick ..


keep us posted how you're feeling

 

[Dollit]

Hi intelgal - sorry you're in a bad space but as Anne says you've got better before and there's no reason to suppose it can't happen again. Seek out your GP and talk and ask for extra help - and we're here if you just want to vent.

 

[intelgal]

Thanks everyne for the relplies I was overwhelmed with the number of replies I really did not expect it. i have not been able to bring myself to ring for a Doctors appointment yet but i am going to try doing some exercise this eveing to see if I can lift my mood a little and maybe try tomorrow.

 

[Ashami]

Hey integral

to the forum and I'm sorry you are so low. You have arrived at a good place and found many friendly people here. Excercise, good idea, and follow it up with a lovely relaxing bath.

 

[intelgal]

Total disaster, exercise class full as I needed to book now and nobody told me. My parents have both had accidents . dad fell onto a windo mum tripped and fell hurt arm. This must be my punishment for overdosing.

 

[Dollit]

You are not being punished for overdosing you have just run into a set of coincidences. No punishment.

 

[intelgal]

I know that logically but this illogical voice in my brain is shouting at me so loudly at the moment that it is disrupting everything. So fustrated I just want to press the self distruct button.

 

[dunglen]

hi

yesterday you said you were not ready to speak to GP so wondering after your disturbed night last night if that has made any changes to the way you feel about speaking to your GP.

at the surgery i attend i can phone to speak to a nurse (triage they call it) and i found this service really helpful as i felt it was easier to speak to the nurse and she spoke to the GP on my behalf.

hope today goes better for you

take care

 

[nickh]

intelgal ...hope that you are feeling a bit better today but in any case it is really important that you phone your GP, or the Samaritans or anyone else who can provide professional help in your local area. It's quite natural that you won't be able to think straight at the moment - none of us can when we are in the pit.

I know that we are sounding like a broken record ) of course I guess a lot of people have no idea what a broken did sound like!) but it is true - professional help is the priority for you right now.

Nick.

 

[Dollit]

Well Intelgal - if we're all coming up with pretty much the same idea wouldn't you say we were all pretty much right?

 

[intelgal]

HI, Went to my GPs today and although i sould not spit everything out especailly some of the stuff I did to my self last night I got most of it out! Thankyou everyone I only wish I had found this forum ages ago!

 

[Dollit]

Well done, a big step to take. xx

 

[nickh]

Yup congratulations intelgal .....

Nick.

 

[intelgal]

jsut one more question, this is the first time I have had really bad suicide thoughts whats the best course of action if they get really bad who would I ring. This is really scaring me but I am not trusting myself at all

 

[yodel]

Hi intelgal

sorry to hear you are finding it difficult at the moment. Hope you are feeling better soon. I have not felt suicidal myself so not sure what to say, but I think it would be helpful to find someone you could really confide in and ask them to offer you support whilst you get through this. A trusted friend, companion, family member? If this is not a possibility then how about a helpline of some description, the Samaritians, Saneline, a local helpline or even NHS Direct if you feel in immediate danger. I used to work on two helplines for a number of years and people who rang in used to say they felt better by just talking freely.

Keep in touch

yodel

 

[dunglen]

well done on going to your GP today

 

[intelgal]

Hey, Sorry to keep banging on about myself. I really hope when I am brighter \I will be able to contirbute to this forum in other ways. I feel really ill today, bad cough sore throat etc. My suicide thoughts have become really bad this afternoon though I have brought myself to a place where I dont have access to the ways I plan to do it it. Do you think this is just cos I am now physically ill as well as mentall ill. I ahve not been able to keep my AD's down as I keep vomitting. To top it all off I am at work tonight as GP said it would prob be the best thing for me.lus we are so short staffed I would let evryone down too..ah well. well I have got that off my chest
thanks