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Can't look after myself - Do you do this ?

S

skyblue

Guest
I keep forgetting to eat, forgetting to sleep, forgetting to shower and washing my feet. That rhymes hey lol. I've started wearing summer sandles and my feet are filthy pmsl. I'm Smoking like a trooper and the destructive side wants to win.
It wants me to smoke, doesn't want me to eat, doesn't want me to shower, it wants me to abuse drink, wants me to use drugs, wants me to self harm.

I'm fighting a battle against this, I think I maybe winning though, not sure. I guess if I'm recognising it,.. I am. I've ignored the drugs,.. nearly ignored the drink (I drank alcohol last Sunday) bearing in mind I'm a recovered alcoholic, I did manage to stop after a bottle and a half of wine (haven't touched it since), but i'm finding it harder to ignore the thoughts of self harm.

I'm going through a mixed episode right now, then I rapid cycle, over and over.

I'm a perfectionist with other things, looking after the kids, hubby, family members, friends, chores, letters, organising - I obsess, keep obsessing over everything, absolutely everything!!!

I'm taking all my med's again, I think it's working, it's stopped the auditory hallucinations anyway.

Anyone else out there going through the same stage ?

I know this will all pass soon, but it's all so frusturating isn't it.
 
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C

Casper

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
13
Location
Kent
I've felt alot like this lately, I havent really gotten out of bed or anything. I'm getting really nervous aswell, people havent returned any calls ive made or even returning my texts, it's really making things worse.:flowers: hope you're allright!!
 
S

skyblue

Guest
I've felt alot like this lately, I havent really gotten out of bed or anything. I'm getting really nervous aswell, people havent returned any calls ive made or even returning my texts, it's really making things worse.:flowers: hope you're allright!!
If I'm honest, I'm not really alright, I feel so ill, both mentally aswell as physically. I have really bad nerves too and my anxiety is through the roof.

I nearly reached burnout afew days ago and if I don't start to sort myself out, I may end up back there. I need a good kick up the backside, because if you can't look after yourself, it's nearly impossible to be able to look after anybody else, not properly anyway.

I really need to chill out somehow. I'm still in a mixed emotional state, I'm feeling so low at this moment, but i'm having racing thoughts, and I thought the voices had subsided but they haven't.:(

I keep having conversations with myself in my head, my head hurts so bad. It's a mixture of stress too I guess.

Anyway, I did manage to shower tonight and I've remembered to take my meds, going to try and sleep soon. A good nights sleep should help, if I manage to sleep that is, I've also taken some sleeping pills.

The kids seem fine and happy, though they have realised I'm not feeling myself, which is a shame. I hope they're not worrying over it.

Thanks for your concern.

Wishing you well too. x
 
emski

emski

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
1,151
Location
North West
the destructive side wants to win.
It wants me to smoke, doesn't want me to eat, doesn't want me to shower, it wants me to abuse drink, wants me to use drugs, wants me to self harm.
totally with you honey... but it wil pass - hopefully soon for the both of us :hug:
 
W

white-witch

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2009
Messages
1,147
Location
Dark side of the moon
I am not showering or washing nor am I cleaning the house. I have felt violently sick for over a year now and have had the camera down my throat and a scan on my stomach..it goes off for a few days then comes back! I am so depressed it is unbearable..all I do is lay around due mainly to this sick feeling. I also smoke all the time which cannot be helping.
I am unhappy where I live and do not feel well enough to move!
I think about suicide and then think of my sons and it stops me. I feel so poorly I just don't want to exist anymore!
 
softwhisper

softwhisper

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
57
Location
australia
reaching to you through the clouds

My thoughts...of...
A younger self...
And...
A self...
Of...
Not so long ago...

Are mirrored here...

I see clearly...
Your dilemmas...
It is very sad...
That...
We cannot see...at times...
A clear view...
Of...
A reflection...
Of...
You...
We are beauty...really...
Harmony...
To keep it up...
And...
From...
View...
Of...those around...
Is the turmoil...
We crave...
Understanding...
It...is...
My years...
With...
“voice’...as a ‘voice’ hearer...
That...
Makes...
Me write to you this day...
I have become doubt...of...self...
All...
Of my 53 years...
I try to look up...
Sometimes...
The clouds...
Form...
A formation...
Of...
Mistrust...
To the view
Trust...
To ride the storm...
Sometimes...is too much...
For our coping mechanisms...
To ask...
For help...
Becomes...
A hardship...
We...then neglect self...
As self...
Is hard...to keep up with...
The pretence...
Is a...variation...
Of our mistrust to society...
To ask...sweetness es...
The road to recovery...is very bumpy...
But...who...knows the degrees...
Of...
Harm...
Those bumps...
Are...
To self...
If we don’t open up to...
Those can help...
Pill...potions...
Whatever...
We need to unburden...
And...
This is a nice place to do so...
With like minded people...
But...
Sometimes...
Help in a human contact is a need ...to the answer...
I don’t like doctors...
Or medicines...
But...
I do add...
Without them...
At particular times in my life...
My life would have been not...
Then dear ones...
I wouldn’t be writing to you...
Or have met you...
Im pleased to have met you...
And say thank you...
You are special...
And to adhere to truths...
Sometimes...
Is difficulty...
But better out than in...
In thoughts are harmful...
 
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