- Jan 10, 2010
I apologise for the rather long story but it's all important to how i feel. 3 years ago i was found to have a very rare tumour in a difficult place (initially thought to be a bartholins cyst), surgery was agony as it was a surprise and i was back and to into hospital for weeks with complications (bleeding and pain etc). When the report came back it was thought to be a harmless tumour but I had done my research and disagreed, I had further MRI scans and insisted that my consultant spoke to the Royal Marsden in London as i was sure i was right (I am a nurse myself). 10 months later i was in London being told that i was right!! This meant that the tumour would return if we got rid of the rest of it anyway, we had to use medication to shrink it which then caused huge cysts that popped (ovarian) and so was rushed into hospital and had to have ovaries removed, immediate menopause. This is when the fun began. I had been ill for nearly 2 years by this time and 7 weeks post op I hit the floor mentally, ended up taking an overdose and nearly dying in A&E, i refused to be admitted to hospital as i work there, the psychiatrist told me i was deeply depressed, i was commenced on Citalopram and had the crisis team out every day for a week, they were brilliant. I went back to work a few weeks later as i was broke and regular MRI scans have continued. The tumour has now returned and i have started a new treatment called Zoladex. 2 months into the treatment (it blocks oestrogen from the tumour), i feel 'low' again, told my GP i was concerned but he did nothing. I feel agitated, depressed, have a short fuse and cry all the time. I can't take this, i know that this treatment is the only option but i feel so awful, am unbearable to be around too. Everything angers me, even things i can do nothing about!! I am so reluctant to go back on anti depressants as i don't like feeling 'numb'. I don't have a man in my life but i hated not being able to have an orgasm on the pills, this contributed to the final nail in the coffin of a bad relationship anyway. Am going to see a nice GP on tuesday and see what she says. I just feel i want to stay at home and feel sorry for myself, I have holidays to look forward to but everything seems so much effort. I work hard and i don't like being bored but i feel every thing is just too much at the moment and am worried i am losing it altogether.