cant help being messed up, beyond help

[saffron]

I am so p*ssed off, I feel numb and let down. what is wrong with me.
no matter what anyone says or that I think I know where this fear comes from, I can not stop jepodising and loosing that feeling of happiness in a realtionship so quickly.
I now this guy,, have done for a two ish years now, he has asked me out before but I have been honest with him and said I was not mentally strong enough to cope. anyway time went on and I bumped into him agoain, he asked me out for dinner again. I have never been out for dinner before, anyway I said yes. we had such a good time, I did it again, again we had a really good time. I have no idea what I actually feel aout him, but I seem to get on with him so easily, even thoug he is normally quiet and solitary when it comes to GFs. anyway, we went out tonight and he said something, and that was it, I freaked out and now I cannot relaxed around him. It is all over a mutual friend, again this displays my total lack in making good judgements in character. He has not done anything wrong but what he saiid has changed the whole dinamics of what I was experiencing in these few dates. again I know I can not get that old feeling back knowing what I do so feel that I now have to break up and disappear to them all.
I am gutted for him cos I know he does like me and that he is a good man, but I cannot relax now and feel I am being punished for this. why cant people keep their f*cking lying opinions to themselves.
S

 

[keepsafe]

Hey Saffron,

What is the "old feeliing" you have for him?

Was itsomething so bad, perhaps can you try and look at whatever he said in a different light?

I don;t knwo much - just trying ot help
LS

 

[saffron]

the time I have spent with him over the last couple of days has been great fun and I have enjoyed those feelings, but they are now old and I cannot get them back again after what he has said. I hate myself for it, I asked him to be honest about something and he was, and now I cannot cope with what he has said. and it was all based on what someone else said to him about me. I f *cking hate myself for what I know wil happen. but I cant do anything to stop it.
this is way too painful.
S

 

[Dollit]

What did he say that has made you do this complete turnaround? Looking at that and its origins in a detached way (difficult I know) may help as may talking to someone about the specifics rather than in a general way.

 

[saffron]

i cannot explain but I know its something I cannot control, no matter how much I try and tell myself different. I now feel stressed, ashamed and guilty for doing something that should be fun and easy, I know now that I will have to remain alone to save myself and others from my mind f*ck.
New I should not have taken the risk but thought it might be ok, know its not.
on a downer again now so may dissapear for a while to come back fresh so I can move on.
S

 

[Dollit]

PM me if you want to talk x