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Can't handle my impulses!

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punkypixie

New member
Joined
Feb 2, 2015
Messages
2
Hi, I recently got diagnosed with BPD finally! After thinking for the last god knows how many years I was just a bad, mixed up person. The thing is I am having a real problem controlling my reckless behavior.
I often partake in drug taking, drink driving and spending sprees as well as putting myself in unsafe situations. I then lie to my family about these things and then experience intense anger when they question me about it. Self harming and crying hysterically. I just feel like I am losing control. I don't want to constantly be hurting other people. Does anybody have any tips on trying to control impulsive behavior? I'm really struggling to cope. I left my family home last night and have came to my nan's until I can afford my own place. I feel like being on my own is best.
I feeling extremely lost and mixed up lately. Like everything is getting worse not better. I feel like no one understands me and that they think I'm just behaving this way because I want to. I am on antidepressants and a mild sedative. I go to psychotherapy sessions but that's only just started. It doesn't seem to help though.
My behavior and emotions have been completely erratic since I was 13 and I am just so tired. Because I got sexual assaulted when I was 15 everybody thought I was just playing up and attention seeking so its only now (I'm 26) that I have actually been diagnosed. I just want to feel safe and normal.
I want to have a normal relationship with someone, when I meet somebody I like I feel really strongly for them, then I end up getting these horrible feeling of wanting them to not be anywhere near me, and when they touch me my skin crawls. Then I end up saying the most vile things to them. Sorry I seem to have totally rambled I guess I just feel like everything is getting on top of me :(
 
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keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,623
Its very difficult to control reckless impulsive behaviour. I am on sedatives and diazepam at the moment to try to control myself. Its working only because I am taking them all the time. You can work through this and understand its not your fault, you have to understand yourself and take time to go through everything you can think of with the therapist, be open, frank and honest. Therapy has helped me, but I have had a lot. What type of treatment are you getting?

It will be better one day. Swings and roundabouts. I have just come off anti psychotics so very intense emotions at the moment.

KS
xxxx
 
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plaasmesisie

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2015
Messages
49
Hi everyone
Just need support because I have an overwhelming urge to die right
!now as the pain and emotional intensity it too much
I am feeling abandoned by my husband and I can't stop crying
I feel like I can't breathe and I will throw up
I hate feeling like this and nothing I do is helping
Don't want to call help lines or anything like that
 
bulbie

bulbie

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 21, 2010
Messages
18,476
Location
Ayrshire
Talk to me then.

Why do you feel abandoned?
 
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plaasmesisie

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2015
Messages
49
My husband is out and refuses to contact me������
He can't handle my emotional meltdowns and I can't handle his absence��
Hurts me so much
 
bulbie

bulbie

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 21, 2010
Messages
18,476
Location
Ayrshire
Ok, what I'm going to ask you to do first is start a new thread for yourself to talk about this. That way it can be all about you, as this is someone else's thread.

Then you've got my full attention. :hug:
 
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plaasmesisie

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2015
Messages
49
Ok sorry didn't realize
New to this don't know how
 
TiredTina

TiredTina

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Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jul 21, 2010
Messages
40,679
Location
West Sussex, England
I will move your posts into a new thread for you. Is it ok to call it 'Feeling abandoned by my husband'?

If you can let me know whether the title Ive suggested is ok or give me another title I will move your posts to a new thread.
 
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plaasmesisie

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2015
Messages
49
Thanks so much I really appreciate the help
Yes it's ok to call it that
Feeling awful sorry not thinking straight
Pain in my chest and knots in my stomach
 
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broken1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
104
Location
U.S.
Plaas, how are you doing. I can't find your thread so I'm posting to this one. Are you okay? Please let us know.
 
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plaasmesisie

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2015
Messages
49
Hi broken
I am still here just struggling intensely lately
Meds not helping much and even counselling is falling short
Feel so awful inside all the time
Hope you are getting some rest while you are off��
Gotta run to an appointment now so ttyl
Bleasings
 
bulbie

bulbie

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Joined
Jul 21, 2010
Messages
18,476
Location
Ayrshire
Plaas, do you know where your other thread is? The new one made for you? If you do, could you link to it in here so we can find it?
 
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plaasmesisie

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2015
Messages
49
Hi everyone
I am ok and thanks so much to all of you for caring. I am struggling enormously each day with roller coaster emotions that seem to go from one extreme to the next at the drop of a hat. Mostly what I feel though is intense pain and gut wrenching anxiety. Makes me sick to my stomach and causes me to be jittery and hyper. I cannot eat or sleep and feel just awful most of the time. So hard to put on my "happy face" and do the job I love!
I don't know how to start or find a thread as I am really very techno impaired lol.
Broken I hope things are settling a little for you while you are on leave and that you have a time of restoration while you and hubby are away!
Hope to chat soon, I miss talking to you
Blessings to everyone
 
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broken1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
104
Location
U.S.
Plaas

I'm so sorry you're going through hell right now. I did look for your thread but no luck. If you click on" New thread" button you can start a new topic and host it.

I'm doing ok. I have my moments. I am enjoying my time off. It feels good not to have that added pressure.

Take care of you.
 
H

HospitalForSouls

Active member
Joined
Feb 5, 2015
Messages
28
Location
Birmingham, UK
Hey Punky! I find myself in this type of situation a lot-taking nasty mixes of pills and alcohol and whatnot and I find myself in A&E a lot for self harm and suicide attempts and I find myself constantly pursued and abused by my family. I live with a gaslighter and physical abuser (someone who makes me out as delusional when I try and tell the authorities about the physical abuse). I'm 19 currently but this has been happening since I saw my dad beat up my mum at the age of 9 (Three years ago i was diagnosed by CMHT). I've also been trying to leave and it is best to leave if you are not in a good environment but I understand how hard it is--been trying with social services for months and am saving up but with spending impulses, thats not easy-ahaha-Just wanted you to know that you're totally not alone and tbh it makes me happy to find someone who feels similar to the way that I do so message me if you ever feel like this--I mean, theres stuff like CRISIS and whatnot but I find it difficult to be on the phone and talk with them when I'm in such a dark place.

Stay Safe xx :hug:
 
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