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Can't get over accident that left me amputee

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PellaLee

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2020
Messages
2
Location
GR Mi
In 2000 I lost a leg due to motorcycle accident. My boyfriend at the time didn't have major injuriues. He was driving motorcycle. My femur was also broken in half. This was 20 years ago and I am still angry. I am angry that my boyfriend went on to have this fabulous life after we broke up and I sunk into severe drug addiction. I had my son who saved my life. But I used to mountain climb, kickbox, etc and my life literally got ruined. I feel like half a person, broken, defective, ugly, and useless. I am overweight because of menopause but cant exercise easily. I just feel so helpless and hopeless. My body is mutilated and that will never change.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
13,868
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
you are not ugly or useless :hug:

i am so sorry about the motorcycle accident, could you get a prosthecic (idk spelling) leg is that a option? :hug:
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
11,170
Location
England
Hi,
I'm so very sorry about the accident.
Have you had any treatment for the ptsd?
Please be kind to yourself.
Hugs
 
Z

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
339
Location
North Carolina
Yes have you looked into artificial limbs. People do all kinds of amazing things with those.

It's important instead of being bitter and resentful over what your boyfriend got to keep and you lost. You should try to focus on gratitude that you kept your life. You can still do and accomplish a lot if you decided to have the drive.
 
JustMe1982

JustMe1982

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
197
Location
Here
Have you tried googling exercising for amputees? Surely there are exercises you can still do. Sorry that happened to you.
 
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Lola B

Member
Joined
Oct 1, 2019
Messages
9
Location
New Jersey
In 2000 I lost a leg due to motorcycle accident. My boyfriend at the time didn't have major injuriues. He was driving motorcycle. My femur was also broken in half. This was 20 years ago and I am still angry. I am angry that my boyfriend went on to have this fabulous life after we broke up and I sunk into severe drug addiction. I had my son who saved my life. But I used to mountain climb, kickbox, etc and my life literally got ruined. I feel like half a person, broken, defective, ugly, and useless. I am overweight because of menopause but cant exercise easily. I just feel so helpless and hopeless. My body is mutilated and that will never change.

My dear sister, I'm with you and you have every right to be angry. I may try to give you some action steps at the end of this note, but what you may need most is someone to hold this space with you so that you can be supported and loved in your honest emotions. I, too, was broken (open) by a careless third party and it has utterly destroyed my family. I'm approaching menopause, disabled, and divorced. I will likely never have love, which is something I wanted and needed since I understood what it was. I grew up in violence and partnered with what I knew.

I have always been a fighter, as are you since you are also a loving mother. I won an award for my positivity during 3 months recovery in hospitals, but a year later and many losses later I attempted suicide. Once I was properly medicated (part of my impulsive action was because of brain injury), I picked back up my fight, knowing I will never partner, I'll endure repeated bouts of abuse from my traumatized daughter, and take it a minute at a time. What works for me: letting the waves of pain come and recede... because they do, reaching out to the friends I have left, going on forums when I need more support, pets, breathing, rest, crying with a time limit.

As far as comparing your life to others and especially the driver of the motorcycle, I have a weird belief system that might make you feel braver than almost anyone you know. I've had this belief since I was a kid although it has evolved.

I believe that we are spirits and we are all connected. When we "splinter off" for a go at living "separately" here on Earth, we have some guidance from other spirits still connected to the whole. We share what we want to experience, and the plan is allowed or modified if it is too painful for a being. Then we come to Earth and forget our connectedness and live separately.

I think the best kind of result is to remember our connectedness while we are still human. Then we can transcend the pain. For what purposely ultimately, I have no idea, but it makes me feel brave because I must have been a fighter and a brave soul that wanted to see if I could remember it and live it here on Earth. Kind of like Indiana Jones.

I "coded" twice in the crash, and I believe I experienced the connectedness during my time in between worlds. It was like being inside the heart of a loving mother holding her newborn.

So I will send you my connected intentions to help you not be so alone in your anger and pain.
 
E

EverydayPeople

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
14
Location
usa
Hello Friend,
I can hear your pain, and I'm sorry to hear about the accident that seems to have really changed the way you feel about life and how you look at your life. You may have a part of your body broken, but you are certainly not defective, ugly, or useless. No one is those things unless they really want to be, and I don't think you're saying that.
It sounds like you were really acitve in past chapters of your life and I wonder if you really miss that activity and the pride you took in your bodies abilities. What about different ability sports? They are out there, and other people in similar positions to you, who feel the way you do, want to be part of them and want you to be part of them. Many parts of your body can still do wonderous things. I was a caretaker once for 2 people who were born 5/6ths paralyzed. Being around them taught me what it was just to be able to feed myself when I wanted to, or even be able to taste foods as they only ingested foods through thier stomach, or even talk and more easily communicate with the world. I think its no coincidence that those 2 people who's bodies barely functioned had the most amazing spirits I have ever encountered in life. Please don't think I'm comparing you to them. If I was in your particular position I think I would struggle greatly too. But I really want to hope for you, as I hope for myself in my struggles.
I hope you can find a way to fill the void of how your body misses being active, menopause, weight, and all. Maybe that will help you appreciate your body again, which we all need and deserve, right? If there are some physical therapy clinics in your town maybe they would know where there are some groups of similar folks that you could check out. Maybe some phone calls and inquiries when you feel up to it.
I think You are a Soul, friend, and you'll always be an incredible flower on this earth because there is only the one You. Everything outside and inside you, there is no other combination of that in this world. Maybe a few petals are not on your flower, but you still flutter beautifully in the breeze, you smell heavenly, and you as a plant are full of nutrition and medicine to help some others who cross your path. That is a good purpose I've always been told, and you are worthy.
If none of this helps, I hope you can find someone's words that do. I hope for better days ahead for you and that you can create new ways of being in life that give you a sense of worth, esteem, some happiness and peace.
 
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