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Can't get over a relationship

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shellbell14x

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
5
Location
England
Hi everyone, been battling with this for about 2 years now and its not getting any easier to i was wondering if any of you could help?

I met a guy in July 2016 and feel completely and utterly in love with him, it was like i had just walked into a fairytale, he was everything i could have wanted in a man, we talked every second of the day, had the same interests, same sense of humour, he wasn't just my partner he was my best friend.

Unfortunately it was all too good to be true and it started to go wrong, i found out he was married which in itself was horrific but he promised he would leave her for me he just needed "time" feeling the day i did about him and listening to how unhappy he was i fell for it but more and more lies came, excuses, texts between him and yet more women and the realisation and trust was gone and in June 2017 i gave up and let him go.

Issue is i cant get over him, i cant get over missing him, i miss him every single day and still feel the pain in my chest every day of not having him there, i have tried to move on with other men but it doesn't work, i don't feel anywhere near the same for them and the closeness isn't there but i worry its starting to affect my ability to ever love anyone else because i cant get past him i cant stop comparing to him.

I don't know how to get over this person who was so cruel and manipulative to me, i miss what we had that closeness and i don't know how to get over it but i'm literally just miserable every day cause i want that kind of relationship back. The relationship in general caused me severe anxiety and depression which i still also struggle with daily.

Can anyone please help me understand why i feel so lost and so sad over someone that was so evil. I feel like i'm grieving a death. He promised me the world, we had our life built in our head but just over time i started to realisation it was all a sham just to string me along.

Any advice would be appreciated thank you!
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
561
Location
Plymouth
One person's terrible behaviour can cause anxiety, & give us a bad impression of others, your story doesn't seem usual, especially the bit about him already being married. What happened to you isn't normal. People come & go in life, but some not most leave a lasting impression that won't go away, & it can & it does hurt when it was a false impression.

I don't want to be negative here, but I've been hurt badly, never got married because of it - I'm a guy 44 now - but plenty of people have been hurt badly, got through it, met someone else who they did marry, there must be someone who you know who is the same, I know my brother went through rough relationships before he found someone.
 
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shellbell14x

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
5
Location
England
I just don't know how to get past it, i've dated other people since but its damaged me so much as a person i cant seem to let anyone in or make something work, I just feel lost
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
561
Location
Plymouth
My brother was a wreck when he split up with his girlfriend in 1994, they were supposed to spend the rest of their live's together, but he invited her to his wedding 10 years ago. You just have to somehow speak to people who've been through failed relationships before they met the person that they got married to & ask them how they managed to get through it.
 
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shellbell14x

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
5
Location
England
I don't know many people who were in bad relationships prior to that one, not bad enough to cause them damage anyway and even then people i have mentioned it to just say they met someone else and moved on, if it was that easy they didn't feel enough for that person in my opinion, i've tried meeting other people and moving on but it doesn't feel how it should feel
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
561
Location
Plymouth
There must be something about that guy that's stuck in your mind & won't go away, normally we can move on from things, but sometimes we can't, some things happen that get stuck in the mind & won't go away, & then it's anxiety.
 
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shellbell14x

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
5
Location
England
I think its just remembering the closeness, i didn't just lose him i lost my best friend, we knew where we were going to have our honeymoon, the dogs we were going have, what our house was going to be like, what we were going to name our children, i have never felt like that about anyone else ever, its like i cant get past the loss of what it should have been, anyone else since has been too different and it just doesn't work

It sounds pathetic and ridiculous but that's how it feels, its like i totally forget all the horrible stuff he did and just focus on that
 
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Tomorrows a new day

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
165
Location
England
I don't know many people who were in bad relationships prior to that one, not bad enough to cause them damage anyway and even then people i have mentioned it to just say they met someone else and moved on, if it was that easy they didn't feel enough for that person in my opinion, i've tried meeting other people and moving on but it doesn't feel how it should feel
Hi Shellbell, unfortunately you've been taken in by this arsehole and your confidence has bee shattered. you need to tell this sun of a bitch to go ram himself and fuck off once and for all. Move on and get a positive attitude about yourself and come up with a plan of where you want to be in life x good luck
 
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shellbell14x

Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
5
Location
England
Hi Tomorrows a new day!

Thank you for your reply, i know i have totally and i think im dealing with alot of self hate amongst other stuff that i let that happen to myself, everything just seems such a mess but like you say i need to focus on myself!

Thank you!
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
561
Location
Plymouth
I lost my best friend too, Amanda, she took £20 from me to go get drinks, walked out of the pub with it, never saw her again, behaviour like that can be very damaging to a person.

like you said Tomorrow's a new day, he is a sun of a bitch, & your name is right, the past can & does suck, my past has been terrible but I'm still here alive with a future new people to meet, & tomorrow is a new day.
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
561
Location
Plymouth
Part of the problem is that you push it back on yourself & think was it somehow my fault that someone behaved like that to me?
 
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Tomorrows a new day

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
165
Location
England
when you get knocked down never stay down, get up get some self worth and kick some ass! never let someone treat you like a piece of shit
 
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Flash_1990

New member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Cheshire
Hi Shellbell, first off I'm sorry you are struggling so much. Heartbreak is one of the hardest things to deal with in life, it consumes your thoughts and can take a long time to heal. It is even harder when you feel betrayed too because the person who meant everything was not honest with you and that hurts so much. Please do not give up on love, one day the right person will come along again, when you are ready. X
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Ever heard anyone say "my other half". Ultimately we all probably need a soul mate. This guy probably made you feel complete (only you really know that), and now you have to face life back as you was, but alas you have had a taste of how you envisage your life could be. You need to be able to move on from this under your own self esteem with the support and help of others (we and others are here for you). No point in blaming yourself, you probably just need to move on from it... :hug:
 
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