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Can't get my head around online friendships

W

waitingforsummer

Guest
As the title says....

I read some people's posts/threads on here and i really feel like i understand them. And sometimes/often people respond to my posts in such understanding and sensitive ways that i really feel very connected and alot of warmth towards those people. I literally feel like i really do care about people here more than i care about some people in my real life.

But these feelings are difficult to process. Like, i know you are all real people. But i have no idea where you are, what you look like, how your life is. And at any moment you could disable your account and vanish. You can build up alot of meaning in online relationships, but you never really know if whoever you're getting to know or relying on might have vanished the next day.

Does anyone understand what im trying to say?? :unsure: :hug1::confused::cry2: :loveshower::hug5::flower2:
 
Nikita

Nikita

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 20, 2015
Messages
4,860
I guess I understand what you are saying waitingforsummer,the trick is to realize that online you are in virtual reality,we are all on here cos we have similar problems and we understand what each other is going through,so we are a good support for one another,we come across as friends here.

Offline though if we met,we might not find it so easy.There are appearances which everybody here says don't matter,but when it comes down to it may matter a lot if we met in real life.

We might clash on other aspects of reality too, politics,religion,and a lot of us have social anxiety and wouldn't find it easy confronted with a real life person with all the similar problems to ourselves.

So it is a lot easier to get on online even though we can't read body language or hear the tone of voice.

Online isn't likely to turn into real life unless you live in the same area and decided to meet each other.

Yes you can build up meaning in online relationships but they are just that online,they are here and now happenings and you could be gone tomorrow forever,so don't get attached beyond virtual reality if you don't want to be hurt by losing an online friend.

Either that or swap via PM names and addresses,become pen pals and then there might be the opportunity of becoming real life friends.

It is up to you,just be careful and choose friends wisely just like in real life!
 
W

waitingforsummer

Guest
Thank you Nikita, i like your advice and i will try and bear that in mind.

Its just that if real life and people you meet on a day to day basis were like people here then that would be so nice.

Makes me think that maybe i should put more effort into developing my real life relationships.

If the internet suddenly dissapeared and no longer existed, that would be really sad.
 
C

Coastatsunset

Guest
Yes, I know exactly what you're saying. I've formed strong bonds of friendship with a few people on here, and I was surprised how much I missed their writing when they disappeared....but, real life relationships should always take priority over online ones.

I would hate to think of real life relationships affected because of online friendships. I got addicted to BDUs writing but the dependence on her writing also made me question why?? The answer made me ??? alot too..and I need to get off here to implement what I should be doing!

I am grateful to some very special people, and a couple of them in particular, who clearly have far bigger, more pressing Wars to fight...but I will always remember their kindness and support..it would be lovely to keep in contact with a few of them, regardless of political orientation:) although I'll always be more drawn to the Left:)

My very warmest wishes.

It's difficult to quit because of my OCD/ADHD, comical though it sounds. I used to laugh at people who spent their lives online, and never considered I might become one....but I have been given so much information, and new ways of looking at my things. Just have to transfer that very valuable knowledge to action.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,752
Location
Europe
Either that or swap via PM names and addresses,become pen pals and then there might be the opportunity of becoming real life friends.
This is the thing. Eventually there comes a point where you decide to move the friendship beyond the bounds of the forum, maybe email, maybe Skype, maybe even a face to face meeting. That's when you really get to know the more rounded human being behind the forum persona, and find out if you are compatible.

Online relationships are like "friendship lite", almost the real thing but not quite. It's a lighter touch, a kind of halfway house and you kind of have to accept that. Like when naominash suddenly disappeared after posting a lot for about a week - it has it's ups and downs. You don't know what happened and there is no way to find out if she doesn't respond to her email.

But beautiful things can come out of it nevertheless. It's a question of taking what the system can give you, and making the most of that.
 
BigAma

BigAma

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Joined
Apr 5, 2016
Messages
929
There is no real personal connections. It's hard to analyze yourself and other people.
 
M

misssadness

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Aug 3, 2015
Messages
1,995
Due to having a social phobia I do not have any real life friends but I have some online friends. I understand what you mean about the people on here being nice and wishing people were the same in real life too as I have often thought the same. I have also felt sad at some people closing their account on here as I came to like and care about them. I guess having online friends means they could vanish at any time but then I think people in real life can too. At least with online friends you can take the friendship at a pace you feel comfortable without any pressure to meet. I cannot handle meeting people in real life.
 
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