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Can't get help- - dead end

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earthbound_misfit

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 8, 2013
Messages
90
Well i've tried. Previous posts in BPD forum explain why services wont help/what they've done.
Feel like worthless waste of space. Keep trying to fight this feeling but CMHT and others treat me like i'm waste of space so constant battle. Obviously battling with them means you get called BPD more and helped less.
Actually don't think I have BPD really, regardless daily issues are depression and anxiety, not really related to current things, but have bad memories etc.
In private therapy, she is worried about me, cant contact her outside sessions. Was going to call my GP, if she did no follow up happened. Been trying to speak to GP for 3 weeks, he doesn't seem to care anymore.
Mental health issues been bad for 4.5 years ready to give up now. Spend every day fighting to live every second, so much want to hurt and destroy myself. Cant tell anyone cos people esp services think attention seeking, cant simultaneously stand up for yourself to them and explain you're depressed/feel worthless co thy dont believe you. Trapped no way to get help. Barely getting out of bed nowadays.
Just called crisis team, tried to explain how worthless I felt. She said I sounded slow, asked if I'd overdosed. She was nice until she got my notes. Then just basically said to carry on as normal, go 'freshen up'. Tried to explain it had taken a lot to call them and had been going downhill for weeks and can't go on as normal. She just asks what I want them to do? So I said well you're the professionals, I don't know I just know this is getting very bad and would like to not feel blamed for my problems but supported. She just says "I'm going to have to terminate the call".

Hhhrrrmmm :sorry:
 
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earthbound_misfit

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 8, 2013
Messages
90
The way they have treated me drags me down. Just for them to be vaguely supportive would help. Its the fact that i'm treated as a waste of space and the way they twist and distort things and make out i'm a terrible person that kills me inside. I dont have the strength to fight that and the depression.
I just need a supportive attitude and recognition that I'm trying my best, but they think i'm not bothering. As do others. Just so tired of this. I want someone to hug me and say they understand, so I know i'm not fighting this alone, and certainly not having all their crap against me as something else to fight.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Admin
Moderator
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Jan 25, 2012
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14,164
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Sending you hugs earthbound_misfit :hug: You understand a lot more about what you're coping with than they do, I've got a lot out of reading your insights. It's crap they don't understand, and they misinterpret you, and they invalidate and dismiss how you are feeling. Imo it's misguided of them and based on ignorance. I've been on the receiving end of something similar and I do recognise what you're saying. It's unfair and it hurts. You just want them to show they care, understand, believe you, take you seriously and will support you, and instead you get platitudes, silence or disinterest, or even blame.

Does your private therapist understand?

You're not worthless, you have a lot to give, and a lot of valuable knowledge, understanding and good qualities (kindness, compassion, fairness, critical thinking, very good at explaining and expressing things, intelligence). I'm sorry every day is a struggle and a fight, and I do understand the impulse to hurt and destroy yourself, and the wish to be cared about, I experience that too. I hope you can hang in there earthbound, I wish I had better words to say, and concrete solutions, but I think the more you understand and work through things, the more things can be resolved and become easier. Wishing you 'hope' earthbound :hug:
 
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earthbound_misfit

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 8, 2013
Messages
90
Thanks. Bit better today but basically a battle as ever. Ho hum. x
 
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