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Can't get beyond my depression

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rinahen99

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2019
Messages
2
Location
florida
I've dealt with depression for over 20 years. Triggers of life events usually provoke my bouts and I've recently been dealt another one recently. I'm having a hard time with it and hoping for some support/advice.

This weekend my husband and I received the news from our 28 year old daughter and her significant other that they were expecting a child. We are still trying to wrap our minds around this, as we are a very traditional family, and never in a million years thought this would happen to one of our three daughters. Family converged into town this weekend to celebrate the baptism of our first and only grandson, so the news was difficult as we were trying to focus on our daughter, her husband and their baby boy. I know its not right but I cannot move beyond feeling anything but shame and embarrassment for our family, for our daughter and her sisters. She has been with her boyfriend for nearly 7 years and the news we were expecting was a proposal announcement not this. I know how I feel when I hear the news of children being born out of wedlock and its crushing that we are confronted with this now. I am asking for prayers in the hope that we can move on and be supportive of our daughter and this new baby. Has anyone else dealt with this and have any advice. I'm dreading the task of having to tell friends, family etc. I know I shouldn't care about what others think or feel but I do. I'm so devastated and don't know what to do.... Please help.
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,910
Location
USA
Aww. Well even though they’re not married she’s definitely old enough to be a responsible mom and they’ve been committed to each other for several years. If I were her I’d be thrilled. I want to be a mom someday really badly. I would likely plan to be married first too but if I wasn’t and it was with my long term partner I’d be just as excited.

I think just be happy for her and look forward to having another little one in your family! I think that’s the important stuff.

Are you a religious family? If so I can see why this issue might carry a little extra weight for you. And while I’m also religious and I respect religious values, I still think that we sometimes have to leave a teeney bit of wiggle room to accept that sometimes life doesn’t follow our expectations. I’d just be stoked about being a grandparent again. I think it’ll all be just fine ❤
 
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rinahen99

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2019
Messages
2
Location
florida
Awh thank you ... I wish I wasn't the type that was so concerned about others judgement and opinions. Always have dealt with self esteem issues. I know that I should not care so much about what others think... but I do. Im trying so hard to get beyond that. Thanks for your kind thoughful words.
 
Lady in Blue

Lady in Blue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
80
Location
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Rinahen99, first of all, congratulations on the baptism of your other daughter's baby. My niece (also goddaughter) had a baby last December and he will be almost 1 year old. I have seen him all of two times - once last January and once in May, and she has chosen not to baptize the baby (she married someone of Pagan background after living together for a time). Ironically, she emailed me the other day to invite me to his birthday party, which will be held at my sister's place in another town. When I first held him, there was a special, powerful feeling/bond, so it has been a little heart-breaking to realize that I won't likely be a part of this child's life. To me, the birthday invitation is meaningless because my previous requests to visit my niece and the baby fell on deaf ears. So my resolution in this situation was to pray for the baby's well-being and success in life.

I can appreciate the importance that religion has in your life and resulting sense of disappointment and social embarrassment. Perhaps the trade-off for you can be a continued relationship with your daughter and partner along with your involvement in the child's life. No matter what the sacraments, if there is no nurturing relationship, they are meaningless, just another ritual. We can only be role models. We can guide, educate, provide emotional and tangible support, but each person's life is unique, and their choices are their own.
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,910
Location
USA
Awh thank you ... I wish I wasn't the type that was so concerned about others judgement and opinions. Always have dealt with self esteem issues. I know that I should not care so much about what others think... but I do. Im trying so hard to get beyond that. Thanks for your kind thoughful words.
i have a feeling that as soon as the baby comes and you get to hold him or her you won’t think another thing of it!
 
C

CyberAnxiousYoda

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2019
Messages
12
Location
London
I've dealt with depression for over 20 years. Triggers of life events usually provoke my bouts and I've recently been dealt another one recently. I'm having a hard time with it and hoping for some support/advice.

This weekend my husband and I received the news from our 28 year old daughter and her significant other that they were expecting a child. We are still trying to wrap our minds around this, as we are a very traditional family, and never in a million years thought this would happen to one of our three daughters. Family converged into town this weekend to celebrate the baptism of our first and only grandson, so the news was difficult as we were trying to focus on our daughter, her husband and their baby boy. I know its not right but I cannot move beyond feeling anything but shame and embarrassment for our family, for our daughter and her sisters. She has been with her boyfriend for nearly 7 years and the news we were expecting was a proposal announcement not this. I know how I feel when I hear the news of children being born out of wedlock and its crushing that we are confronted with this now. I am asking for prayers in the hope that we can move on and be supportive of our daughter and this new baby. Has anyone else dealt with this and have any advice. I'm dreading the task of having to tell friends, family etc. I know I shouldn't care about what others think or feel but I do. I'm so devastated and don't know what to do.... Please help.
Friends don't persicute or shame. You are going to have a new life in your family and that is a blessing.

Although you feel trepidatious about this, a new life is a blessing.
Guilt is a useless emotion. Love is what you need. And I send you all the love in the world.
 
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