Can't function in society, don't know what to do?

A

Andyj

New member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Canada
#1
Hi, I'm 19 and just started my first job as a cashier. I've only worked 2 weeks so far, I have work later today too. Idk if I have anxiety because I can't afford therapy so I hope it okay to post this here. Anyway my job is making me so stressed I can't eat or sleep and I feel like shit. Eating makes me want to throw up (which I haven't done yet, thankfully) and I dread sleeping because then I have to wake up and go to work. I feel so pathetic. Other people have jobs. It's not hard for them and even when it is it's not the same. I dropped out of highschool and used to skip alot starting in grade 6 or 7 because I got so overwhelmed I would throw up everyday before going and cry when I came home, now I feel this way about work... I feel like such a burden on my mum. I feel so stupid. Why is it so hard for me? Before I got this job I was trying to get a job for about 2 years and no one would hire me (I have zero social skills). I also have literally no friends, I only know people I'm related to and because of family issues and past "abuse" I don't really talk to anyone but my mum. And I never leave the house except with her. I don't feel a need to have social relations but I know that drags me down. I feel like i'm the exact same as when I was a little child, like I haven't changed at all. People are supposed to change. I can't talk to my mum about this because it stresses her out, she doesnt need that, shes taken care of me my whole life, she deserves better. I don't know what to do. I know I need extensive therapy but I really have no money and feel so ashamed (I know it's not something to be ashamed about, I can't help it tho)... I've made many mistakes at my job already and I know I'm really bad at it. Idk what to do. I need help. What's a job I can do online or with low human interaction? When I'm at work I feel like i'm trapped in this false reality and I fantasize about something bad happening so I can go home (I know that's bad, I'm sorry)... I feel crazy.
Thanks for reading all this bullshit, I'm sorry it was so long and incohesive. Thank you.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
8,335
Location
basketville
#2
hello and welcome Andyj
you sound what i called highly strung out and that is miserable. also it is not unusual to be very nervous in a new job but the fact that this is your first job makes it all the more nerve racking.

try to hang on in there with the job as with time you will get a bit more comfortable with it. and maybe whilst doing that have a look at improving your self esteem. as that sounds like its at rock bottom. there is all kinds of stuff on the net have a look. if you need something to get you started i am happy to point you in that direction regarding videos on Youtube.

also maybe start to sit down and keep a journal of your likes and dislikes. achievements and what you were/are good at. i find keeping a journal so helpful. i use mine to see what needs weeding out in the way of bad habits.
 
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PrincessJasmine

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
13
Location
UK
#3
It does sound so difficult. I think it's so so sad therapy is only available for the people who can afford it when they are often (but not always) the people who need it most. Most of the people I have known with mental health problems have no job.

I did four mornings as a cashier and the work is HARD. I struggled physically with working the till, I struggled socially with talking to the customers, I struggled emotionally with being shouted at by my boss. After that she was dropping hints that she had too many employees and was going to let two of us go. I took the hint and quit. I was still in full-time education so I could but that was the moment I realised that being an adult would be no different from being a child.

Anyway what I'm saying with this is, it's ok to find it hard. There's no such thing as a hard job and an easy job in general, there is no job everyone finds easy. You have anxiety, you are doing so well to be holding down a job at all, I have never done that for more than 4 mornings. I would say stick with the job because it might become easier but maybe also think about other things you could do, look at what's out there. And considering all the trouble you've had with school I think you really are coping so well with work. I know it won't feel like it, it probably feels like you're not coping at all and that's a horrible feeling but you are doing this job. And that's something to be proud of.

Also maybe you could get advice from other cashiers? I can understand if you don't want to talk to people at work but hopefully some people on here might help.

Anxiety can be helped by therapy and prescribed medication but there are other things you can try. Some people do breathing exercises, some people do visualisation exercises, if you google I'm sure you'll find lots of ideas. They won't all help but if you can just find one that does it might make a difference.

19 is legally an adult but still quite young, growing up isn't as easy as celebrating a birthday. People grow up at different times. You might feel more grown up at 20, 21, 22 or older. Some people never grow up but still learn to fake it. You've still got time to grow up.
 
TroubleinParadise

TroubleinParadise

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2018
Messages
155
Location
South Africa
#4
Hey,

I feel like I can relate to you in so many ways. When I was that age (quite literally 2-3 years ago) I was a nervous wreck. I never thought that I'd be able to hold down a job. I was very poorly adjusted to society - for similar reasons, a had very negative early childhood experiences, I was raised by a father who always had to work, and my grandparents didn't always feel so well - so I was often alone.

I had a good family, but those early years really affected me. I struggled for a long time, and have made many mistakes between 18-21. It does get better though and you are not alone. I have been where you are. My first job was at Dominos and I left the one day randomly because it got too hectic.

I have a decent job now, and I 'm studying. Things are better. But you need to keep your chin up and work at it. You are not alone. A lot of us here have been there. Stay strong :)
 
BPDevil

BPDevil

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 7, 2018
Messages
681
Location
Hell
#5
im the same age as you and going through similar, but i dont have a job yet pretty much for the same reasons as you had before becoming a cashier

i dont know the prices where you live for therapy, but is there anything local that does group therapy or activities, it might make you feel more confident and im guessing it will be less expensive or even free

you're definitely not alone, although I know it feels like it as most of my peers also seem to be getting along great with life whilst i feel stuck and lost

there definitely needs to be more help available for people our age especially those who do have anxiety as we can't jump into new things and everything will be fine as its a 'learning process'

making mistakes is embarrassing as hell especially publicly, but at the end of the day we all do it
 

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