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Can't forget/Anger

I

irkou

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
1
Hello people.

I've finally decided that this was a problem I can't seem to get over myself.
Brief summary and history is: After working with some co workers and a trainwreck relationship situation that I shouldn't have gotten into, I've ended up disliking people and definitely have anger towards the girl.

I worked at a job in my university with 20 other people. At first, I thought I loved people. I wanted to be of use to them and thought I can get along with everybody. I noticed how ignorant, selfish, and straight out hypocritical these people got with their jobs and eventually I saw that was what they were. My perspective on humans started to change after working with them.

THe biggest change/near shock was that one of them cheated on her bf with me. I hate myself for letting it happen. I knew it wasn't going to work so I tried my best to make it so her relationship with her bf an dour friendship would stay intact. She claims that she really liked me when she constantly texted me and we would kept flirting etc throughout summer. (I did really like her too, at least I thought I did). Halfway, she stopped messaging me and I thought she had finally snapped out of it. When school started again and we returned to our work.. we didn't snap out of it and we let it happen again multiple times... her bf even got suspicious and confronted her and me. I apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again... I talked with her and gave her an ultimatum. Pick me or we stop this, you stay with him, and we stay friends. She chose the later. It went well for a few days except she came by my room and we spent another night. This night made me think that we were possible. I gave her an ultimatum and she came up so I essentially completely fell for her then, but she again saw it as a mistake and is back with her bf. When we graduated, we met one last time for a final goodbye. I was so busy with that semester that I didn't really care/ have it bother me. After meeting her, she was just more annoying, but I stayed quiet and just tried to make it a good goodbye.

The thing is... I hate myself for not being objective/rational. I could have been the better person and stopped all this, but I didn't. Another thing that pisses me off is that I let her attraction cloud my view of her. She was the same as my other co workers that I ended up disliking, but I let attraction fool me. This was a quick summary btw.. You may think I'm biased, but she was a manipulative selfish girl in this situation. I tried to make things right after and I transferred to another place, but lied to her that I was going somewhere else. She says I was a jerk, I've upset her etc. After our last night, I thought my feelings were because I wasn't over her, but it was actually more I couldn't stand myself when I saw her cause I was disgusted with myself.

After all this, I have become very hateful of humans, but my anger is more so towards the girl. I guess you can say seeing myself do such a despicable thing, I'm projecting it to people now... I've been told before this that I was a nice guy blah blah.. but now.. I don't give a crap about people.

I don't care about changing my view on humans. I want to get rid of this anger I feel. It's distracting and I know I can't let it hinder me so any help would help

It's a long read so I really appreciate anyone who took their time to read this and for their input. Thanks
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
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Location
The West Country
We've all done stupid things when we're attracted to someone.
And it can be quite a shock when we look at a situation in the cold light of day.

Perhaps some counselling to talk about the situation might help you.

But truth is, time is a good healer. In the future this situation probably won't have much significance at all. It feels big right now, but i'm sure you'll gain some perspective and see it for what it is.
 
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