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Cant figure out how to overcome my anxiety

S

SethZ

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2018
Messages
1
I'm never comfortable in my own skin. I have such low self confidence and ive been just a socially awkward person most of my life. I'm feeling at a low point in my life because I recognize I have these problems, and no matter how hard I try every day, my brain is just hardwired to make me look and feel like a complete moron. I'm known as a quiet socially awkward guy. I wish I could be a clever charming and witty guy, but I'm always feeling dull and stupid. I wish i could go start talking to that girl at the grocery store, but my mind moves too slow. I'm not smart enough for quick comebacks. If I say something, I'm afraid I will make myself look like an idiot. I'm not experienced in life, and have nothing of value to say. I havent done enough with my life that would impress a girl. So I avoid it because avoiding it feels safer than a potential mistake.
I'm at work, people are everywhere. I want to talk, but I hate small talk. Id rather have a more meaningful conversation. I talk to a few people, but I feel like I carry around a label. I'm known for not talking to anyone and being dull/boring. So why start taking to these people now when I've been avoiding eye contact with them over the last year. Its better I didnt say anything, then I really would of came off as a weird person. Oh, this person is walking past me. Do I look at them? Do i keep staring straight/look up/down? Do I say hi? Smile? Try and make a joke? Hands in my pockets, or by my side? How am i walking? Its so fucking exhausting having all of this self doubt. It mentally drains me to the point where I actually want to avoid conversation. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be a talkative person who shows no fear. But my brain isnt wired like that and no matter how hard i try I still cant be the person I want to be. Should I just accept this is the way I am and ill probably die this way?
 
InfiniteRectangles

InfiniteRectangles

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 23, 2018
Messages
508
Location
Georgia, USA
Hiya, and :welcome: to the forum! I understand completely how you feel. I am extremely socially awkward and don't have many friends, and people think I'm the "weird quiet girl" when they first meet me. Just recently I was talking to one of my friends about wanting to have a small party/get together for my birthday but I was having trouble finding people to invite and she said I need to "make more friends and put myself out there". I told her that's easier said than done and she said "nope. You just have to try." Easy for her to say. She's extremely sociable and makes friends effortlessly. Anyway, my point is I get you. Also, I'm with you on the small talk thing. I hate small talk. And I also do the thing where you constantly worry when someone is walking past you what to do with yourself. It's exhausting.

Honestly, the best thing I can think of to tell you in this situation is to learn to not care so much what people think of you. It's that worry that makes you come off as socially awkward/weird. It's hard not to care when you have social anxiety, but it is possible. I still care a little what people think, hence why I'm still so awkward, but I care a lot less than I use to. The trick is to think that the right people won't care if you seem a little weird. They'll like all of your weirdness and your quirks, because they are a part of what make you you. I will probably always be some degree of socially awkward, and that's okay. Most of my friends understand that and don't mind. You don't have to try and come up with witty comebacks just to make her laugh. Just be yourself and true friends will love you no matter how awkward you are. If someone is going to judge you because of your social awkwardness then they're not people you need to have in your life anyway. There's nothing wrong with being a little awkward as long as you don't let it consume your life and your every thought, which it sounds like it's doing at the moment.

Anyway, sorry for rambling so much. I just think that being yourself and not caring so much how others perceive you is the best thing you can do in this situation.

Take care :hug1:
 
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