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can't do relationships

whisper

whisper

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 11, 2008
Messages
101
hi
well i gues i should start by saying that as the title says i dont seem to be able to handel relationships, the ones that can handle my MH issues which are very apparent whenever someone stays the night as i dont sleep much and the sleep i do get is interupted by nightmares, not to mention having to take my meds which always arouses sucpicion if not already informed,as well as this mood swings that leave me feeling really low, really bad social, and interpersonal anxieties plus the voices and flashbacks which make me very low and afraid most of the time, so yeah the ones that can handle that, i useually sabatage by either not taking them seriously as i use humor as a defence mechanisum and i quote "i can't have a serious conversation with you, you turn everything into a rediculous farce" (might i ask who uses farce in an argument anyway?), or and here's the kicker being too serious and unhappy and yet again i quote "dragging me down with your constant sarcasam and depression" so you know cant seem to find a good balance,
not oinly this but i dont exactly have a wide selection of potential realionships as there arn't that many gay men in the rural area that i live in plus the fact that i'm not exactly a desirable looking dude and i could quote and ex but i'm not sure i want to feel quite that sorry for myself at the moment so yeah what should i do should i give up on relationships (seemingly the best option at the moment) or what? advice is welcome
thanks for reading
sorry i know this is a stupid post
thanks again hope everyone else is ok
sorry
sorry for the length of the post
sorry
thanks again
 
G

Goggit

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
36
Location
North East England
Hello there,
Dont beat yourself up. I dont do relationships either. With me its an age thing. I am me and not prepared to pretend to be someone else. It has been my experience that a lot of relationships involve such pretence. Dont get me wrong, to everyone out there in a working relationship I am happy for you and wish you all well. I just believe that I am defined by myself and not by who I am with. I hope you feel a little better soon. Do just one thing for me, stop saying sorry.
Take care
Love Goggit
 
Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
1,850
Location
Yorkshire, UK
Woah!! i thought i'd written this post with all the 'sorrys' LOL!.
Aww you've had bad relationships in the past, pretty much like everyone else :) I'm pretty lucky in that my boyfriend was my friend before we got together so knew of my mh problems and "accepts me as I am". I tell people when I know I can trust them, if they catch me taking meds I say there antibiotics for a ____ infection and leave it at that.
It's totally up to you whether you wanna give up on relationships for a while (or forever) but there are people out there who understand mh problems and will not judge you like you have been :hug:

Just be yourself and if you trust them and decide to, tell them why you take meds, of course you can choose what to divuldge and what not to if you decide. I'm sure there's someone out there for you :)! Chin up :hug:
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
do you know lozzi I'm so proud of you because you are right you dont have to telll peole everything I'm not judging any one but honestly if you trust people enough then that is fine but you can disguise your life for example I telll people in the supermarket hat i workfrom home n that I'm up all night working on the computer thats why I go shopping so early in the morning there are some people in this world that you can trust n there are a whole load that you can not, when people have seen my ileostomy I just say I was in a car acident so i dont have to explain the illness. sorry thats side tracking a bit. though there are ways of having relationships and being your own person. I think if you are in a serious relationship then its only fair to be up front but you dont have to tell your partner everything I sometimes think of my mental illness like a job you dont have to talk about your job all the time (though most people do). there are somethings you want to keep to yourself.
 
Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
1,850
Location
Yorkshire, UK
do you know lozzi I'm so proud of you because you are right you dont have to telll peole everything I'm not judging any one but honestly if you trust people enough then that is fine but you can disguise your life for example I telll people in the supermarket hat i workfrom home n that I'm up all night working on the computer thats why I go shopping so early in the morning there are some people in this world that you can trust n there are a whole load that you can not, when people have seen my ileostomy I just say I was in a car acident so i dont have to explain the illness. sorry thats side tracking a bit. though there are ways of having relationships and being your own person. I think if you are in a serious relationship then its only fair to be up front but you dont have to tell your partner everything I sometimes think of my mental illness like a job you dont have to talk about your job all the time (though most people do). there are somethings you want to keep to yourself.
Aww thankies James :redface: you are right too, you tell people what you want. There's nothing making you tell people straight away or at all!
 
whisper

whisper

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 11, 2008
Messages
101
thanks everybody :hug:
ok will do goggit,
thanks i guess i should wait alittle longer before i tell people about all my stuff, thanks L and J
yeah i think i'll wait for a while before i try a new relationship just untill i figure out how the damn things are ment to be lol
thanks again everyone :hug:
 
D

doghouse

Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2009
Messages
13
I agree with the fact that a lot of people in in relationships were they are both or one of them very unhappy and being pretend people, I am happy but I look at some long term single people and notice they are able to indulge themselves in anything they want, a partner is less likly to, you could watch what you want on TV, knowone to take controle of the remote, eat and sleep when you want, not speek if you don't want to and if you do want to go some where social, even to the local shop. Relationships can be good but it is a cross between Russian roulette and luck trying to find a good one no matter what type of person you are or what charactor traites, so, have a bit of self indulgence for now, live life!!
 
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