Can't Deal

[Issara]

I'm 20, I'm a cutter, I have been since I was about 12. I go through spurts where its fine and then I fall back into the self destructive mode. I don't know how or if I can end this vicious cycle. I'm not doing it to die, I don't want to die. I just don't want to deal with life anymore. Most of the time I end up doing it as a punishment for myself for things I do, things that are small mess ups, to extreme lies.

 

[amathus]

Hi and to the forum, pleased that you found us!

I am a recent SHmer,I'm in my fifties, I have realised that I do it to punish myself out of anger. I am three weeks clear today!

Hope the site can be of help to you, any of the buddies will be happy to help if you have any questions or just want to chat...

qf.

 

[Issara]

im sorry to hear that
and thank you

 

[Pixie37]

Hiya,

What support do you have in your real life? It helps to learn other ways of coping.

Pixie

 

[Issara]

I have absolutely no support in real life. Parents don't and can't know. And I have tried other ways of coping but they just seem to make it end up being worse.

 

[maxitab]

Hi Issara, another ex SH'er here......there are ways, its hard, but it can change. Do you see any health professional or get any other support? We are all friendly here and many of us understand from personal experience so do share if you want, and we will be here to support you.

There's a big list of 'alternatives' on a sticky at the top of this section.....I found ice in a bucket and plunging my whole arm in it was the best substitute - but we are all different.

No one will judge you here, and while we will support you to try and stop, you can be free to share openly......

 

[Pixie37]

We're all here for you to talk to. Hopefully in time you will feel able to tell people in your life so that you can get the help you deserve.

 

[Issara]

ive done the telling people thing b4 and it ends it shit so i wont do it agn

 

[A.m.b.e.r]

Hi there Issara, and welcome to the forum.

I used to self harm, quite a bit. Maybe a good/therapeutic thing might be (now you are a member of the forum) to explore your feelings on here before you self-harm, or just when you start feeling the urge to do so. People might be able to offer their support and advice in what they might do in a situation. This could help you to find out alternative coping methods as well as explore some underline feelings/issues that you may have.

Hope this helps and you find the support you need on the forum.

Amber xx

 

[Issara]

i dont have feelings before i hurt
i make myself numb on purpose
i like it better
and i really just want to cut myself right now