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Can't cope

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Poppyflower

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Aug 16, 2014
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I feel like all eating disorder therapy has done for me is make me lose control of my eating and get fat. I still have all the same thoughts and feelings about my weight, shape and food and I can't cope. I feel like I have become addicted to junk food. I want my willpower back because I can't cope being like this and just eating all the time. Why didn't they help me with my body image issues and my need to be in control all the time? What is the point in Cognitive Analytic Therapy? I feel so let down.
 
katya

katya

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Dec 4, 2013
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I feel like all eating disorder therapy has done for me is make me lose control of my eating and get fat. I still have all the same thoughts and feelings about my weight, shape and food and I can't cope. I feel like I have become addicted to junk food. I want my willpower back because I can't cope being like this and just eating all the time. Why didn't they help me with my body image issues and my need to be in control all the time? What is the point in Cognitive Analytic Therapy? I feel so let down.
I'm so sorry you're feeling let down by the therapy. Please don't confuse 'willpower' with an eating disorder though; you'll get your willpower to eat a healthy, balanced diet, but your disordered eating wasn't the same as that. That's what I think anyway; I used to have an eating disorder and I was convinced I had the best willpower in the world, but really I had none because what I'd done was given into an eating disorder because I felt like I had no other choice than to starve myself. True willpower is about finding balance, and you'll get there; I'm sure you're closer to it than you think. You must, must give yourself credit; it's normal for you to be beating yourself up at this point for eating more or gaining a bit of weight, but this is part of your recovery. You are doing well. This is way better than eating so disorderedly like you were doing. I know it doesn't feel like it, but this really is a positive step in the right direction. Hope you can feel more positive about it soon.

:hug1:
 
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Poppyflower

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I have binged tonight and now feel so sick and bloated. :cry:
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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sorry you're feeling this way Poppyflower:hug:

My experience is that body obsession takes longer to diminish than the behaviours around eating, but the thing is, the eating needs to be in place first as restricting will just enhance the thoughts.

I'm sorry they didn't give you the tools to cope with the thoughts about your shape and so on. Therapy for EDs is so limited these days. I didn't have CAT I had CBT but yeah it is quite quick.

There might be some books that could help give you an idea of how to get past the body image issues, one of the things they use in 12 step programmes is positive affirmations, it sounds a bit new age but does help some people. One of the things that helped me was reminding myself that really I have no idea what I look like, I can't trust my perceptions on it, because there have been times when I have been convinced I was huge and then seen photos of myself at that time and realised I wasn't.

I'm sorry you binged, it takes your body time to get used to you giving it food again, it won't go on forever.

There was this article that you might find helpful alleviating anxiety about bingeing whe recovering from a restrictive ED

http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/14/why-is-bingeing-not-bingeing-when-you-are-recovering-from-re.html
 
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Poppyflower

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Aug 16, 2014
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I think I only have one or two follow-up therapy appointments left and then I am on my own... free to put the techniques I have learned in therapy into practise... except they haven't given me any techniques. :rolleyes: I have NO techniques, NO tools, NO strategies, NOTHING. I can't believe it. I've spent over 20 sessions just talking about the things that are causing me stress. How is that supposed to help with my eating and thoughts about weight etc? It hasn't helped at all.

Why didn't we talk about food, weight and body image? Why didn't we work on finding healthier coping mechanisms?

What the hell is this therapy?!

Seriously, I am so frustrated and scared about what the future holds because I have an eating disorder and no way of coping with it or skills to work on, despite being in therapy for months. What a waste of time. :low:
 
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diabolicalme

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Aug 10, 2014
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Hi Poppyflower, reading all this now a week after your last post, I wonder if you still have any sessions left and if so, can you tell them all that you've said here? Particularly that you feel you are leaving their service with no techniques, tools or strategies to take away. Even in short courses of CBT (or similarly I had a couple of very short courses of phobia treatment ages ago which didn't actually work in the end) you are taught skills to take away. Mind you I find skills very difficult to implement without a solid support system which I currently don't have, but still, the skills are there in my head & on paper etc. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, sounds like you're not ready for discharge. Please ask them what you are supposed to have been taught!
 
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Poppyflower

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Hi Poppyflower, reading all this now a week after your last post, I wonder if you still have any sessions left and if so, can you tell them all that you've said here? Particularly that you feel you are leaving their service with no techniques, tools or strategies to take away. Even in short courses of CBT (or similarly I had a couple of very short courses of phobia treatment ages ago which didn't actually work in the end) you are taught skills to take away. Mind you I find skills very difficult to implement without a solid support system which I currently don't have, but still, the skills are there in my head & on paper etc. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, sounds like you're not ready for discharge. Please ask them what you are supposed to have been taught!
Hi diabolicalme, I was able to bring this subject up on Monday and my therapist said the aim of therapy was to give me a good understanding of my issues. If I'd known that I probably wouldn't have gone through six months of therapy because I already had a good understanding of my issues! Understanding my issues isn't helping me to fix them either. I'm like you -- I need specific skills and I need support to implement them.

I just have one session left now next month and then that's it. Seems so ridiculous to me as I am no closer to managing my eating disorder. :-(
 
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