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Can't cope up anymore

H

Houssem

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2015
Messages
1
Greetings to all of you !
I hope you're doing fine, and as the title say I'm desperate and I seek hope. ( I'm 19 years old)

I don't how to explain my situation, my mind is a little unstable, it's been several years I've been feeling lethargic at first it wasn't that big and could brush that feeling easily but it got worse with time I always lacked self confidence but then again I didn't really care.

Then I got into my last high school year, my friends were at college and I didn't have friends in my high school so I was lonely, very lonely I had a girl with whom I discussed of everything she was my...pillar but she lived far away and at some point we had to get seperated, after that I met a girl we got close and I fell in love with her madly and I thought it was the same at this time I was at the best of my capacities I was practicing sport was studious and was feeling good about myself and she did not about my depressive state and used it to get close to me and confort me I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without her I was so lacking confidence in me that I was thinking " what's the point of geting close to me if she didn't love me like she said" big mistake she evntually left me for another guy and I felt ...I never felt so bad in all my life. I grieved, cried, failed my semester I couldn't do anything the sadness I felt was horrible.
and as if the pain of being left by the one you love isn't ...painful enough most of my friends left me out they don't ask about me, dont come to lift my mood up at a party my best friend even said " if you're going to be depressed all night you better leave, and I even heard they were saying bad thing about me like " He overreact" " He doesn't focus on his studies anymore to seek out girls"
It's been 2 month that I have been in this state of extreme sadness the only moment of releive is when I get high, yes I resort to drugs if not I think I will explode, I don't like anything, don't want to do anything and my friends left me out, I lack the courage of killing myself and I dont want to make my parents sad.

I dont why I came here to talk but if you have ONE argument that argument that can me feel better dont hesitate, I really dont have hope anymore in this cursed world.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Welcome to the forum. :hi:

I'm really sorry to hear about your heart-break and the deep effect it's had on you.
It seems very unsupportive of your friend to say you are over-reacting.
The fact is, we all react to things in different ways and this seems to have upset you a lot.

I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I guess you can learn from this that your depression can lead to you self-sabotaging.
Maybe in future you can choose not to listen to that part of you that says "What's the point?" and instead work at communicating how you're feeling in a way that won't end up biting you on the backside.:unsure:

I don't know if I can make you feel any better right now, but I can tell you that time really is a good healer.
It might feel like this sadness won't ever go away, but from my own experience of taking someone walking out of my life very badly, I can assure you that these feelings will fade.

In the meantime, i'm a bit concerned about you saying you're getting high.
I mean i'm not a prude and if it's recreational, I don't judge other people's decisions.
But I really think you need to make sure you don't get high as a way of escaping how bad you feel inside, because that can be really problematic in the long term.

Part of me is wondering if you are able to see a counsellor or a doctor?
Especially as you said you have had periods of lethargy going a few years back.
Whilst i'd say it's normal for people to feel sad and upset when an important relationship ends, for some it can cause any underlying issues to come up.

Anyway, I also want to say that I do think there is hope for you, you're just not able to see it.
 
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