- Feb 27, 2019
I really struggled with bulimia last year, so when I was finally able to let go of control and stop purging I thought that was the end of my eating disorder. But I was wrong. I still struggle with bingeing, every day. Food is constantly on my mind, and once I start I physically can't stop until I feel so disgusted with myself. I'm not overweight by any means, but I feel so fat and disgusting. I was looking at pictures of myself from just this summer, when I wasn't stressed with school and hungry all the time. My thighs were half as big as they are now. It's more than just the looks though, it's always feeling exhausted and feeling like I'm killing myself from being so unhealthy. I thought it was over when the purging stopped, but is this my life now?? Am I ever going to be able to lose the weight and go back to how I used to look? Or am I just going to be controlled by food in every waking moment of my life, for the rest of my life?? It's a terrifying thought.