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Can't believe I needed to come back.

magic touch

magic touch

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Messages
244
Location
The castle of illusion
It must be nearly 5 years since I came here last. Anxiety depression and all the crap to go with it has once again hit me full blast. I doubt any of my past acquaintances are still here any more. If you are I hope you are doing well. Better than me in any case.
I have more pain now than I ever thought possible and yes the dark envelope is closing once again.
 
W

wheezey

Guest
Hello magictouch. I am so sorry things are difficult for you again. Depression is such a difficult thing to go through. :hug:
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
33,262
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hello x i remember you
not sure if you remember me?
am sorry you need to come back but im glad you have so we can support you
i remember you as being a very kind considerate and thoughtful individual
am here to listen x
 
magic touch

magic touch

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Messages
244
Location
The castle of illusion
Bless you. How could I forget you ? You gave a light to me in a very dark hour. I hope you are doing ok. :hug1: Sadly the need for support is massive once more. But I am sure in time my suffering will ease. xx
 
magic touch

magic touch

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Messages
244
Location
The castle of illusion
An unfortunate truth I believe is that we suffer an inescapable illness and although it doesn't appear physical it certainly does leave scar tissue which without constant attention can open and devour you once more. The torture is far too real and I think due to people using it as an excuse to hide behind those of us who really need help are then more prone to be denied it. As such a community such as this is most welcome.
 
Lilbubble

Lilbubble

Well-known member
Joined
May 13, 2018
Messages
475
An unfortunate truth I believe is that we suffer an inescapable illness and although it doesn't appear physical it certainly does leave scar tissue which without constant attention can open and devour you once more. The torture is far too real and I think due to people using it as an excuse to hide behind those of us who really need help are then more prone to be denied it. As such a community such as this is most welcome.
:respect: ..... couldn't have said it better myself !

Hi magic touch,

Sorry to hear the dark veil has fallen on you again. I'm quite new to the forum but anxiety and depression is starting to feel like a life long friend/opponent to me.

Well done on returning to the forum for support when you need it.

You've come back from it before so you will again :)
 
magic touch

magic touch

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Messages
244
Location
The castle of illusion
Nice to make your acquaintance. I am doubtful I will recover this time as my brother was recently killed in a road traffic accident. The strange peculiar thing is the day before I had made plans to do the sad deed once more. The urge is even stronger now but I know it would push my parents to a place I certainly wouldn't want them in. This has to be the most difficult thing I have ever faced and seeking support is a massive hurdle. More meds and go to see someone else, is the support I was offered. Typical in this day and age. It has made my anxiety even worse as the place I have been referred to were useless the last time. I am a very scared man and wish .... Well people know what I wish. :( :scared:
 
Lilbubble

Lilbubble

Well-known member
Joined
May 13, 2018
Messages
475
Nice to make your acquaintance. I am doubtful I will recover this time as my brother was recently killed in a road traffic accident.
I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

i don't know if you have any other siblings, but my brother (only sibling) died very suddenly in 2010, and although we weren't what others might call close. We were in our own way, we didn't live in each others pockets and didn't feel the need to know the ins and outs or tiny details of each others lives but made contact on average every 2 weeks via phone and spent a weekend together maybe every 2 months. I can tell you though that losing him was/is like losing no other person I have ever lost, siblings have a life long shared history and relationship that simply can not be compared to an other on earth.

If you need to chat please feel free to message me x
 
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Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,787
Location
Teesside
Hi and welcome back xx sorry you had to return.
Grief mixed with depression is unbearable. I'm so sorry you are going through them both.
Keep talking. Lots of members here to listen and support.
Hugs
fox
 
magic touch

magic touch

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Messages
244
Location
The castle of illusion
The difficulties that lie ahead are certain to bring increased anxiety too. I have no children, very few friends who I can trust, physical impairments on top of mh issues. In short and to put it bluntly , a hopeless cause. I see no point of just existing once my parents are no longer here. I have a plan in mind as I guess everyone has but I feel I have wasted the gifts I was given and certainly shall not be leaving any legacy in fact I doubt I will be even a memory once I am finally able to go.

How sad that I had so much, and realise now that I am too old that I have left myself with virtually nothing whatsoever. The greatest question of all is what is the point of life ?

And the answer simply is .. There is no point.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,787
Location
Teesside
The difficulties that lie ahead are certain to bring increased anxiety too. I have no children, very few friends who I can trust, physical impairments on top of mh issues. In short and to put it bluntly , a hopeless cause. I see no point of just existing once my parents are no longer here. I have a plan in mind as I guess everyone has but I feel I have wasted the gifts I was given and certainly shall not be leaving any legacy in fact I doubt I will be even a memory once I am finally able to go.

How sad that I had so much, and realise now that I am too old that I have left myself with virtually nothing whatsoever. The greatest question of all is what is the point of life ?

And the answer simply is .. There is no point.
I can relate to you. I too have a plan and intend to use it once my mum and dad are gone. I can't face being here without them.
I wish I had an answer for you xx
All I can say is you are not alone.
Hugs
fox
 
mami5

mami5

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2012
Messages
11,105
Location
North West Wales
Hi magic touch, sorry you are suffering so much and for your loss.

It is good that you decided to return here for support, would hate to think of you alone right now.

Take care my friend :hug: xx
 
magic touch

magic touch

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Messages
244
Location
The castle of illusion
I have a question and would welcome answers from anyone. Many people say that the act of the big S is a selfish act but if you were not in any way affiliated to anyone would that act still be selfish ? I am curious as I know many people with mh issues think along similar lines on many issues and I am not at risk at present and hope I am not a trigger to anyone reading my posts.
 
magic touch

magic touch

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Messages
244
Location
The castle of illusion
Thank you so much for your kindness. I wonder if our paths ever crossed before ? Medications I am on now make my brain quite a bizarre place when it comes to memories. Or perhaps its an age thing.
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2012
Messages
8,322
Location
Another planet
So sorry for your loss and for how you are feeling. Glad you have come back here for support. Do relate to your question, I ask myself the same.
 
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