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Can you please explain self harm to me?

S

StillDepressed

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Jan 28, 2021
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Do people have shame around self harm?

Strangely No, the very rare occasions people notice or it has been about attention is because the NHS failed me and I need to do something to get the treatment I need.

But the vast majority of the time it is to feel something, this is needed otherwise I'll sink into a deep and empty void. I SH in ways not obvious to others so they don't have to feel shame for me or pity - Other people are the ones that have an issue with it because they can't understand it.
 
A

A02

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well i harm myself for a lot of reasons but its mostly for a kind of landmark of my depression and it kind of feels nice to me, i get a nice sensation from it sometimes but mind you i sometimes harm so severely i feel lightheaded sometimes.
 
R

regina la

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well i harm myself for a lot of reasons but its mostly for a kind of landmark of my depression and it kind of feels nice to me, i get a nice sensation from it sometimes but mind you i sometimes harm so severely i feel lightheaded sometimes.
I do it every day most of the time more than once. I am totaly shaved in other areas. brows and lashes are completely bald and pretty much permanent. I know there is something wrong with me. but I enjoy doing it and dont care what others think. I have also hurt my self twice, ended up in the hospital and a phyc hospital for 10 days. I want to do it again but dont want to go back there with this covid crap. cought it the last time i was there
 
P

palpiations

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I mean, I don't know but I know other animals do it when they're under stress so it makes sense.
 
S

Selfhealing

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Regardless of our diagnosis, we can work through these problems so that they stop happening. You need support to find alternative ways to cope, or if support is not available, there are many other places that can be of help.

Over time you should figure out the things that calm you and use them at difficult times.

If i feel extremely overwhelmed, i turn everything off so there is no noise, no bright light, not hot or cold, no tight clothing, so i might get my nightclothes on and get in to bed or lay on my bed.

Eventually you should realise sooner when you need to STOP and find somewhere to rest your senses and your mind. You head off a meltdown this way.

Not allowing yourself to get too hot/cold/wet/dry, hungry/thirsty, uncomfortable/needing the toilet. This will all help. I carry around a bag with everything in it i might need. I also have a puzzle book to occupy me if i am waiting around.

It is possible to just feel your way, build up tricks, without support or advice like i have done.

Noise is the worst for me.
Thats nice that you posted that.
Stress is my trigger, the bigger the stress, the worse the damage from the meltdown.
I have a good friend who asked me to promise not to sh during the break.
She then showed me faded scars of her own, she was the last person I would expect to sh.
She is not autistic. She is very successful, where as I am waiting to succeed at the tender young age of 55.
 
S

Selfhealing

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I was just thinking about this. Watched a video about how wide-ranging it is. Someone who does not do deliberate acts of physical self-harm may think the topic does not apply to them. Those physical acts are one general category of self-harm. Another more common category would fall under the so-called Inner Critic would keeps putting yourself down. Emotional self-harm. Think of how much damage that does as well. Just by thinking poorly of yourself you cause yourself plenty of harm. You don't need physical scars to be a self-harmer.
Very insightful, I abuse my self emotionally, but I feel I deserve it because of all the dipshit things I have done.
I know we all make mistakes, but these are whoppers that could not only ruin lives but could put me in danger of revenge from others.
 
S

Selfhealing

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This guy has some good videos, this one is about self-harm:

I like this video for a friend who is hard on themselves.
The names they call themselves insinuate they are an idiot, a failure, a fool.
They physically self harm.
When I confronted them once and listed their successes, they admitted that they had achieved a lot, they agreed with me about their achievements.
I told them when they put themselves down for trivial reasons, to think of me, and the much more serious mistakes I made in adulthood, (See below) I also said I feel triggered when a successful person puts themselves down as their mistakes are peanuts compared to mine.
While my self harm is violent, it is in proportion to the stress I have caused myself, and their trivial mistakes are peanuts compared to mine, this person even admitted this.

Now, I self harm, because I cannot remove the stress trigger that causes it.
I don't want to go into it but I am ruining other's lives and they are going to want to punish ME when the problem comes to a head.
I did try to resolve the problem a few years ago, but I needed money I didn't have, and people who could have helped were either unwilling or unable.
So, I feel stuck and am waiting for a long time to find a way out of this.
 
S

Selfhealing

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Thank you for sharing guys. Do people have shame around self harm? I do about my eating disorder.

@Selfhealing

I have a weird superstition about some items. I can't leave them lying around. It's because a friend said some superstitious thing about them when I was 17. She was obsessed with Aleister Crowley and the occult. She freaked me out. This has nothing to do with self harm though (I don't self harm).
Sorry to hear you have shame around your eating disorder.
I used to have shame around self harm as a kid as I thought I was a big baby, I didnt realise it was Asperger's.
I also have BPD
Nowadays, however, while I do not think anyone deserves self harm, I know why I do it.
I tried to solve a problem which could ruin people's lives, and they want revenge, sorry I cant elaborate, people were either unwilling or unable, (lost around 100lb) due to stress, and the problem remains unsolved and I feel stuck, and I feel relief when I self harm.

I think my case is unique, not saying I am special and allowed to self harm, sorry I cannot elaborate on it, I just don't like causing injustice to people.
Any other time I do, say, if I say something wrong, I am a bit blunt, I will apologise and rectify the situation. I feel good after setting things right, but this one problem, I tried and failed. Its too big.
Did you watch the video in this thread on self harm? - it was very good. I should show it to someone I know who is hard on themselves.
Here it is again.
 
Quietman5

Quietman5

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@jajingna
you’re onto something here having done both but never really looking at self deprecation as a form of SH.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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It isn't the usual meaning, a physical action that causes visible injury. But harm, like abuse, comes in various forms. Some have said their emotional hurt is worse than anything physical. If you can hurt another without ever touching them, with cruel words or neglect or whatever, then it seems you can also do this to yourself.
 

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