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Can you "hold down" a meaningful relationship?

Bluemoon

Bluemoon

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I was always upfront about my problems. If they had a problem with it then it was obvious to me that the person was not suitable for me however pretty they were. I must admit my experiences in the dating game were more positive than negative, I came across people who were more screwed up than me and also some really nice understanding caring people. There"s two ways of looking at it, tell em from the off, if they don't like it then tough, if they do then the pressures gonna be off from the word go. Also if you hold it back and tell em months later they'll probably throw a wobbly because you weren't honest from the start.
Yeah I can see where your coming from, but for me it's this: I just don't want my illness to go around as gossip and then give certain people an excuse to label me and hurt my future chances with other people that I will meet. That in itself creates a lot of stress. I Can imagine it now, "Oh did you now that <my name> has got Schizophrenia/ Mental Illness ? Yeah he has, people like that should be locked up, shouldn't they ? < rant on >" - I know people say stuff like that because I heard it in conversation between two people years ago. Sorry if I'm coming across as really negative but I can't ignore what I've heard for myself. Ideally, I would like to tell someone more or less straight away but my trust has been abused before and I won't put myself through that again.
 
M

Mad Hatter

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I know what you mean and only you yourself can do what you think is the right thing to do. I got a good friend who has the same problem as you and he's really upfront about it, he's got loads of friends but no woman in his life, that is by choice though. You will know when the time is right - good luck and good hunting!!!!
 
Bluemoon

Bluemoon

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Thanks :) I'll just take it as it comes, I guess I'll just have to trust my feelings in order to make the right choices at the right times - but god knows I've been wrong in the past, it's so confusing at times.
 
R

ramboghettouk

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Interesting read because i had a bit of a fling with the mentally ill women upstairs and she's come off her drugs, i'm stressed and am seeing the shrink tommorrow.

One friend said "The time to tell a wsomen your schitsoprenic is when you've got her into bed and she's got some sort of emotional investment"

Psychiatrist said "That doesn't preclude one night stands"

Have had all sorts of well meaning advice, seems to me women tend to be into successful powerful types, guess like i'm into pretty young women as a man, hypocracy all round
 
Bluemoon

Bluemoon

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Have had all sorts of well meaning advice, seems to me women tend to be into successful powerful types, guess like i'm into pretty young women as a man
I guess with women it's an instinct to have the strongest offspring but also to have a good protector - not that I'm sexist or anything, it's what I've read on another forum and many posters agreed including some women as well. As for pretty young women, well that's understandable but if said woman is quite b*tchy then that puts me off straight away - really unattractive trait with some women today. Gold diggers are a no-no as well. If your thinking of ever getting married and having children a good personality is essential if it is to work out in the long run because looks only last so long ( well some women age like fine wine :D ).
 
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ramboghettouk

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I remember that survival of the fittest business used to be pushed a lot, as one writer put it "Survival of the fittest, the philosophy of the street punk"

Liked that comment as the whole thing used to haunt me when i was going through the thatcher years, i'm no longer claiming new labour are different.

Trouble with mentally ill women is they've got baggage like you, remember at highcroft them saying, mentally ill people shouldn't have relationships with mentally ill people as you tend to lean on each other.

Someone like me theres the question who will accept me?

The mentally ill women upstairs she's not a bitch, she has come off medication and turns out the medication was doing something

Maybe i shouldn't have touched a neighbour but thats different issue
 
Bluemoon

Bluemoon

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RE: ramboghettouk

I met a woman last year who has a similar diagnosis as me, but when I told her about my problems she basically said that she just wanted to be friends. I wasn't really after anything more because I had only just met her, but I took it as a sort of early warning that if I ever developed feelings for her she wouldn't be interested. After seeing her once or twice after that I haven't seen her since and she didn't seem particular interested in talking with me during those last couple of times ( she might not have been feeling so good, so I have to be careful how I take that ). She mentioned that she liked the fact that I was confident on first meeting but to be honest, with the problems I have and all, I don't always feel confident of course. It does bother me that I was written off like that, even as just being friends, so I'm very worried and cautious about how other women are going to react in the future.

Good news though - my doctor is talking about reducing my medication so hopefully my recovery is progressing albeit at a slow rate. Hopefully in the future my case will be closed and I won't have to worry about telling a potential partner or even friends about my diagnosis.
 
R

ramboghettouk

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One reason i embarked on a relationship with this women was i was telling a counciller how women avoid me as a schitsoprenic, he said "Have you ever avoided a women because she's schitsoprenic"

Thought i had a new diagnosis and was going to be taken off drugs but today got the minutes of my CPA no mention

Feeling stressed up after women problem, someone should tell me to see a dr saw big chief psych thur, not that it helped

I know people have enough on their plates without my negativity, is the glass half full or half empty
 
Bluemoon

Bluemoon

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Nah, don't worry about the negativity - we're here to share are experiences and it helps others who are in similar situations. Some of my posts here have been somewhat depressing but I feel that if I share them others will relate to my experiences - it's good to know your not alone, thank God for the internet !
 
R

ramboghettouk

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WAs reading the rethink magazine, it appears that been negative is connected with having insight, your down because you've got this illness

Not so long ago the NSF that is now rethink liked the word "Sufferer" to describe those with the condition
 
Bluemoon

Bluemoon

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WAs reading the rethink magazine, it appears that been negative is connected with having insight, your down because you've got this illness
I will agree 100% with that - shame that I keep getting told to be positive and to stop being so negative by family members especially my Dad. I would be positive if I didn't have to live with this illness and it's associated problems that come with it - something my family members can't seem to grasp ( except my mum who has bi-polar ), but then it's hard for someone who has ( always had ) good mental health to see things from an ill person's perspective.

Not so long ago the NSF that is now rethink liked the word "Sufferer" to describe those with the condition
It's an accurate word to use, I don't know how else to describe the experience of being Schizophrenic. The concentration and memory issues are bad enough but the voices are the worst part. I mean for 10 years I've been distracted and unable to enjoy the things that most healthy people take for granted such as reading a book or laying in bed in peace - although I don't have paranoid schizophrenia the voices that take the form of my neighbours are the worst part since their content relates to what they could be thinking or rather saying about me to other members in their households. If that isn't suffering I don't really know what is. Kind of like being bullied all over again.

Anyway, I need a good :tea: - at least I can enjoy that despite my audio hallucinations :unsure:.
 
M

Michael

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Relationships

I have to admit that if it was purely up to me my realtionship with my long suffering wife would have ended a few months after we married (nearly 31 years ago) She alone kept some semblance of order in my life, ignored me when I needed to be ignored and supported me when I needed support.
I believe we have a relationship now that defies words that come anywhere near the true extent/depth we have.

So yes, relationships can be made to last, but it does depend on one of you having the strength and vision to see through it all.

Michael
 
sandybob

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i can barely hold down a meaningful relationship with myself
 
Bluemoon

Bluemoon

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I have to admit that if it was purely up to me my realtionship with my long suffering wife would have ended a few months after we married (nearly 31 years ago) She alone kept some semblance of order in my life, ignored me when I needed to be ignored and supported me when I needed support.
I believe we have a relationship now that defies words that come anywhere near the true extent/depth we have.

So yes, relationships can be made to last, but it does depend on one of you having the strength and vision to see through it all.

Michael
To be honest I know that I have to try to find someone despite the way I feel about things - it's just I know it's going to be extra hard with the symptoms and the moods that come with my diagnosis. Telling someone about the diagnosis will be a chilling and anxious experience for me - but it's not like I'm going to introduce myself and say, "Oh and I have Schizophrenia."
Will have to wait for the right time ( when is it ever eh ? ) and break the news slowly and carefully. I was told once that mental illness just needs some love - which is reflected with the recovery rates of those in a long term relationships compared to single peeps like me :).
 
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