Can you have a relationship with BPD

  • Thread starter Connorisnotokay
  • Start date
Sammie Mara

Sammie Mara

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2019
Messages
17
Location
London
I am 52 and I wish to hell I could learn. I think I have it nailed then BOOM! off I go again. I gave up trying to find where I fit in as I don't so got that, but what gets me is when people ask "what do you really want to do?" like I'm retarded, I just look at them shake my head and tell them " if I knew that don't you think I would be doing it?" I have had interest in loads of things but it doesn't last long the only thing that has stayed the distance is the damn BPD. As for my partner we have separate rooms and I suspect he has problems of his own and think that is what keeps us together. Co-dependency!! Its been a hard life lost a daughter who no longer speaks to me, lost countless jobs and have no friends sometimes, lots of times I just wish it would end although I have got over the self-harming and suicide attempts now I just pray for an illness to take me, and that my fellow BPD sufferers is where I am at. Take care all X
 
Sammie Mara

Sammie Mara

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2019
Messages
17
Location
London
I think it has already been mentioned, but I would say learn lessons from what has happened (reflect), apologise and move on...
That is the point lessons are NOT learnt, I apologise all the time and moving on ain't that easy no-body can beat me up better than I do myself. If lessons could be so easily learnt I don't believe Id have BPD that's part of it, damn repetition, over and over!! Believe me I wish lessons could be learnt, I do try, and then it becomes failure then, here we go again!
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
I am 52 and I wish to hell I could learn. I think I have it nailed then BOOM! off I go again. I gave up trying to find where I fit in as I don't so got that, but what gets me is when people ask "what do you really want to do?" like I'm retarded, I just look at them shake my head and tell them " if I knew that don't you think I would be doing it?" I have had interest in loads of things but it doesn't last long the only thing that has stayed the distance is the damn BPD. As for my partner we have separate rooms and I suspect he has problems of his own and think that is what keeps us together. Co-dependency!! Its been a hard life lost a daughter who no longer speaks to me, lost countless jobs and have no friends sometimes, lots of times I just wish it would end although I have got over the self-harming and suicide attempts now I just pray for an illness to take me, and that my fellow BPD sufferers is where I am at. Take care all X
I have thought the same thoughts most of my life. However, I have managed to regulate my emotions to the degree I no longer suffer. So It CAN be done. Through learning Mindfulness, maybe doing a bit of Yoga and exercise, you can slow yourself down which gives you time to control your urges.
 
Sammie Mara

Sammie Mara

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2019
Messages
17
Location
London
I have thought the same thoughts most of my life. However, I have managed to regulate my emotions to the degree I no longer suffer. So It CAN be done. Through learning Mindfulness, maybe doing a bit of Yoga and exercise, you can slow yourself down which gives you time to control your urges.
Hi. I read about Radical acceptance as you mentioned and I am finding it very interesting. Thanks for the pointer :)
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
That is the point lessons are NOT learnt, I apologise all the time and moving on ain't that easy no-body can beat me up better than I do myself. If lessons could be so easily learnt I don't believe Id have BPD that's part of it, damn repetition, over and over!! Believe me I wish lessons could be learnt, I do try, and then it becomes failure then, here we go again!
Perhaps with the help of someone else, things might become clearer :)
 
Sammie Mara

Sammie Mara

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2019
Messages
17
Location
London
Perhaps with the help of someone else, things might become clearer :)
Well I wish it would. Starting new intensive therapy in a week. Looking at Radical Acceptance that seems interesting. We'll see? :)
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
Hi. I read about Radical acceptance as you mentioned and I am finding it very interesting. Thanks for the pointer :)
Don’t just do Radical Acceptance for those who have made you suffer, remember to do a Radical Acceptance exercise on yourself. Imo it’s one of the key elements to recovery. 🤗
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
1,902
@Lunus, I don't have BPD but do suffer a lot of paranoid and anxious thoughts from Schizophrenia, it was getting to the point where I was avoiding going out as the thoughts got worse when I was out of the house, since I accepted I am going to have these thoughts and feelings for the rest of my life even with meds, things have got a whole lot easier and the frquency and perssitence of the thoughts have eased, now I just try to be mindful of them. I recently re-read Bhante Gunaratana's Mindfulness in Plain English which was the first book on meditation I ever read and a statement in there really struck me this time - the first step in changing is to accept yourself exactly as you are. There is a book - Radical Acceptance by PHD Psychologist, Therapist and Buddhist Teacher Tara Brach, I haven't read it but gave a copy to my ex, I'm going to have to get it back and give it a read.

The relationship I had with a woman who was later diagnosed with BPD was one of the most passionate, intense and loving I ever had but she used a lot of alcohol to keep her emotions under control and I was trying to get my alcoholism sorted out so we split. If it wasn't for the booze I would have stuck it out, so I think you can have a relationship with someone with BPD in my opinion.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
@Lunus, I don't have BPD but do suffer a lot of paranoid and anxious thoughts from Schizophrenia, it was getting to the point where I was avoiding going out as the thoughts got worse when I was out of the house, since I accepted I am going to have these thoughts and feelings for the rest of my life even with meds, things have got a whole lot easier and the frquency and perssitence of the thoughts have eased, now I just try to be mindful of them. I recently re-read Bhante Gunaratana's Mindfulness in Plain English which was the first book on meditation I ever read and a statement in there really struck me this time - the first step in changing is to accept yourself exactly as you are. There is a book - Radical Acceptance by PHD Psychologist, Therapist and Buddhist Teacher Tara Brach, I haven't read it but gave a copy to my ex, I'm going to have to get it back and give it a read.

The relationship I had with a woman who was later diagnosed with BPD was one of the most passionate, intense and loving I ever had but she used a lot of alcohol to keep her emotions under control and I was trying to get my alcoholism sorted out so we split. If it wasn't for the booze I would have stuck it out, so I think you can have a relationship with someone with BPD in my opinion.
Thanks so much for your message. Although we spend a lot of people for judging us negatively, the worst culprit is always ourselves, with guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger and humiliation at the top of the list. However, as you state, once you truly accept who you are it feels as though the world has been lifted off your shoulders.
Thanks for the book selections. I’m on holiday in a few weeks so I’ll read them whilst I’m on the beach lol.
When I’m back I’m going to the Buddhist centre in Cambridge to do a Meditation course. I’ll let you know how it goes.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
I
Thanks so much for your message. Although we spend a lot of people for judging us negatively, the worst culprit is always ourselves, with guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger and humiliation at the top of the list. However, as you state, once you truly accept who you are it feels as though the world has been lifted off your shoulders.
Thanks for the book selections. I’m on holiday in a few weeks so I’ll read them whilst I’m on the beach lol.
When I’m back I’m going to the Buddhist centre in Cambridge to do a Meditation course. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I’ll let you fill in the missing words. 🙈
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
1,902
@Lunus, the inner critic is a bastard but you have to accept it's bullshit as well, just don't get caught up in its story like everything else.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
@Lunus, the inner critic is a bastard but you have to accept it's bullshit as well, just don't get caught up in its story like everything else.
I’ve edited and amended my story lol. I ended up quite a nice guy 😁
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
1,902
@Lunus, have you studied the Buddhist concept of Metta/Maitri (Pali/Sanskrit) - Ajahn Sumedho says it's an attitude of radical, non-judgemental acceptance of people and whatever arises at the six sense gates.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
32,383
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
you can because I am in a very loving one ,I never thought would happen to me
still yet to meet in person but I feel I have found the love of my life
is hard with my emotions but he is patient with me and always tries to understand xxx
 
Crow King

Crow King

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2019
Messages
14
Location
USA
I haven’t managed to have a proper relationship. It seems impossible. I want one, then I don’t, then I do again. Are any of you in relationships at the moment?
Yes, it's possible, but you might have to get your symptoms under control first. I've been in a relationship for close to a year. I get the push-pull but I don't act on it with my boyfriend anymore, it's silent and an internal struggle. Part of what helps is that my partner is stable, consistent...which also means that if I push too much, break up with him or something...I may not have another chance. That was almost what happened the first and only time I left him. Knowing my tendencies due to the BPD...I think twice about whether my impulse is permanent or I'm merely splitting or something. I have a lot of outward emotional self-control for someone with BPD though...but you learn that's survival when you're raised by a narcissist. Basically, gain self-control and it gets easier.
 
Sammie Mara

Sammie Mara

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2019
Messages
17
Location
London
Don’t just do Radical Acceptance for those who have made you suffer, remember to do a Radical Acceptance exercise on yourself. Imo it’s one of the key elements to recovery. 🤗
Hi . Hope things are good for you. To tell you the truth I am only looking to do the radical acceptance of myself all those who have hurt me can go to hell and stay there. :)
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
Hi . Hope things are good for you. To tell you the truth I am only looking to do the radical acceptance of myself all those who have hurt me can go to hell and stay there. :)
That’s fine having that approach, although be careful things aren’t buried through aversion, as that can keep you in permanent suffering without being aware of why. 🤗
 

Similar threads


Top