• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

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can someone help me?

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blue_rose

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
I have not received any diagnosis as yet but reading info on the web I feel that I may fit in here? To be honest, I've never really fitted in anywhere. I am what you would call a compulsive liar. I have many different 'lifes' that I make up for various reasons. One could be to tell people what they want to hear, to make them like me more, to make certain people want/need me, or purely because I don't like me, my life. Everything came to a head (or so I thought) back in 2007. My lies were found out, my relationship ended.... I started seeing a psychologist (my gp said he didn't know if I was mad or just bad! - his exact words!). I got myself kinda sorted out and me and my partner decided to give things another go. About May last year I stopped going to therapy sessions. Things have gotten worse and worse. I now have a completely different life, as my partner calls it - my little bubble. I have started to forget what is real. I have extreme mood swings (my 8 year old seems to get the worst of them, poor wee thing). I am extremely paranoid - sure people look at me strangely in the street, positive people speak about me in tesco when I walk past, think everyone has a ulterior motive for wanting to me my friend/boyfriend. Thing is, I have got so good at hiding it over the years that nobody seems to notice that things are so bad. I know that if my partner finds out that its gone this far again that will be the end of us completely and I'll probably lose my gorgeous kids too (although that's maybe best for them). I really want to remove myself from the world I have created. I need some serious help or I fear I will do what I have thought of doing so many times before but never had the courage.
Looking for some advice on what to do now. I think admitting myself to hospital would be for the best (can I do that?).
 
angrydad

angrydad

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2010
Messages
117
Location
Lancashire
My advice would be to go back to your GP and tell them what is going on now. Ask to be referred for assesment. Don't have yourself admitted unless you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others. See your GP and stand your ground, you sound as if you need assessment. Stay safe, make that apponitment and be open and honestwith your GP.
 
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blue_rose

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
Thanks angrydad. My problem is that I am embarrassed about my 'condition/illness'. I went to the gp about 4 weeks ago, got a referral, got the appointment through..... then didn't go. I don't feel like people understand. I think they will laugh behind my back. I have a great cover up, I laugh at the mess my life is in so that others think there is nothing wrong. I have done it for years. People look at me and see a care free young girl. Then when I try to tell people how I really feel they think I am making it up or its just an excuse for doing something really 'bad'. I feel like unless I have myself admitted then I will continue to cover things up until I eventually explode. Then I would fear for anyone around me.

Does any of this make sense?
 
angrydad

angrydad

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2010
Messages
117
Location
Lancashire
I spent most of my youth not going to appointments with doctors. The tings you feel about what other people are saying and thinking about you are part of the illness. I thought that my gp was activly trying to make me ill and keep me from getting well!

I felt embarrased too. I felt that people were judging me and this got in the way of me getting the right help so that I could get well.

If your right about hospitalisation then for god's sake do it voluntarily. Don't get sectioned, life would really get difficult then. If you really feel that you would benefit from being in a safe place speak to your MH worker.

I feel that you would benefit from being honest to yourself about your problems first of all, then be honest and open with your family and friends and you will be surprised by the support you will get. This support is essential for you to be able to get treatment and stay safe.

Hugs to you anyway:hug:
 
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blue_rose

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
Thanks. Do you know how I would go about admitting myself voluntarily? I don't feel as though I can speak to nyone else about this. I have never kept many close friends (none that I would share this with anyway), I don't have that sort of relationship with my parents and I think my partner has had enough. Because I make light of everything, he thinks that there isn't really a problem. I think I have threatened suicide so many times now, its like the boy who cried wolf! I feel so isolated and alone.
 
angrydad

angrydad

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2010
Messages
117
Location
Lancashire
I've sent you a pm about this. Get some more views from other members of the forum. Get a good range of views and make a rational decision. If you loose it to the point that you feel you are a danger to yourself or others, go voluntarily.

Take care and hugs
 
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blue_rose

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
Just a quick update. I had an appointment with my CPN today and they have asked me to attend an appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow at 2pm to discuss the best course of action. Thanks for all the support and advice.
 
angrydad

angrydad

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2010
Messages
117
Location
Lancashire
Good news

Great news! I'm glad you have managed to move forward. Do you still feel the same about voluntary admission?

What ever you decide at the appointment tomorrow, you'll find support and encouragement on this forum.

I also have a appointment with my pdoc at 12. I'm going high, I know it and i really hope they make some changes to my meds to prevent me going higher.

Stay safe and good luck:hug:
 
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