- Jan 16, 2020
Let’s see I’m in my 30s three kids under age 8. I’ve always had problems with worrying, feelings of impending doom but they have really got worse. I would say I definitely have anxiety I get knots in my back, shoulders and neck I assume from tense muscles. I’ve been to er twice thinking I was having heart attack they say anxiety or panic attack. I’ve broke out with hives, blah blah blah. Let’s go back to me being a mom. I would say after my 1st child was born 8 years ago honestly it seems these anxiety things have got worse. Almost immediately I feel drained fatigued, unable to focus, and constant worry something is going to happen to me or my kids or husband. I can be driving down the road and I imagine a car ramming there back of my mini van... or getting in a crash. Anytime I have to drive at night or in the rain or ice My hands are clenched fisted on the wheel whole body tensed until I arrive where I’m going. Crazy huh! I do avoid a lot of situations and social things which is not like me at all I always thought of myself as a ppl person but not so much anymore. I worry and stress constantly what other people think of me and if they like me and in my head over analyze everything to the point where I think that everyone just puts up with me and everyone is being fake they don’t really care for me even tho I’m pretty sure that’s not true. Hmm... ok I will admit I’m a child abuse survivor started while I was 12 and lasted several years...definite family problems there, real mom died in car crash I was in when I was 3 so forth and so forth. Now to the really weird stuff. When I lock up my office in the evenings from work I have to go back several times I can almost drive out of town and have to turn around just to make sure the door is in fact locked. Or I call the office next to mine to ask if they check that I locked it. I avoid using curling irons, space heaters, flat irons in fear that I will leave them on and will burn house down. Anytime I use the oven or stove I constantly recheck them to make sure they are off. Religiously check dryer vent on dryer to prevent fire?! Constantly feel like im going to die from cancer even tho I’m too scared to get woman yearly checkup and I’m high risk. And that right there amplified my impending doom feelings. Also here’s more my give a #%\> has left me! I have no idea where it is. I’m not lazy by no means always prided myself on being a hard worker but I have done a horrible job being a lady, having a difficult time caring what I look like, I don’t shower the best anymore rarely fix my hair or makeup ( my poor hubs). I love everything and everyone in my life but I am not happy and there is no switch to make me happy what the heck do I do. I will say I started on Prozac about a year ago... after I first started taking it I was finally feeling rested after waking up in the morning. Knots in back and shoulder and neck were non existent , I still had anxiety problems but seemed lesser. They upped the Prozac about 3 months ago but I don’t see any difference. I don’t know if I’m better or worse. As of lately I don’t feel like it. I also play games on my phone and become super addicted in shooter games call of duty PUBG mobile. I play the quick 10 min matches and when I start it is def like a great escape I can hide away for an hour or so playing those 10 min matches over and over again. I’m sorry this was so long. I feel so alone and after talking with my husband about my feelings he has no idea what to say to me other than he notices a lot of these things going on with me and knows I’m not happy. I feel I need help.