Can someone help me out quickly please? What does this mean? I’m very upset.

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emilyann16

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This is about my psychiatric nurse...

This was ages ago.

I told him that I was uncomfortable by his remarks e.g “you’re attractive” and “what’s not to like about you?” and firstly, he acknowledged it and he claimed he wouldn’t mention it again.

Weeks later, I saw him again and he said “I was about to compliment you but I just remembered you don’t like it” then he just glanced at me, I replied “no I’m sorry, I was in a bit of a mood when I said that but I don’t mind if you compliment me” he yet again stared at me in silence and muttered a quiet “uh huh”

Weeks after that, a similar thing happened. He said “I keep stopping myself from giving you compliments” and I said “Nick, I told you, I don’t mind the compliments at all, I told you not to compliment me because I was in a mood” then he YET again stared at me in silence and then moved on.

This just came back to me, thousands of possibilities in mind... but it is upsetting me and I need a few answers please. Why did he do this? If he managed to refrain from complimenting me then why did he mention the fact that he managed to stop himself? was he trying to guilt trip me? Was he just interested in my answer?

I’m so hurt.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya. I suspect he is confused as its just a habit of his to compliment people and you ahve made him think about that. YOu have done nothing wrong and he is being a bit of a twit over all this. As you say, why doesn't he just move on and not keep mentioning it. I don't think there is anything going on personally, but it must be upsetting for you.
 
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emilyann16

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Hiya. I suspect he is confused as its just a habit of his to compliment people and you ahve made him think about that. YOu have done nothing wrong and he is being a bit of a twit over all this. As you say, why doesn't he just move on and not keep mentioning it. I don't think there is anything going on personally, but it must be upsetting for you.
Thank you for your answer. That means a lot to me. I suddenly got in a fluster over it even though months and months have passed.

He never used to compliment me until I was 16, and from then to recently (I’m 19) he complimented me and tried to flirt, I impulsively told him I didn’t like it. He obviously had feelings but sometimes I get confused, he is a complex man.

Again, thanks for answering x
 
calypso

calypso

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I'm afraid he has NO right to flirt with you at all. He is crossing a line with that and you were right in your initial response to say that he shouldn't do it. I didn't realise he flirted as well. He is being unprofessional and no wonder you are confused by it.

You can always ask for another MH support worker you know and you don't have to give specific details. Its worth bearing in mind if he is making you feel worried.
 
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emilyann16

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I'm afraid he has NO right to flirt with you at all. He is crossing a line with that and you were right in your initial response to say that he shouldn't do it. I didn't realise he flirted as well. He is being unprofessional and no wonder you are confused by it.

You can always ask for another MH support worker you know and you don't have to give specific details. Its worth bearing in mind if he is making you feel worried.
I’m no longer seeing him. I was discharged months ago.

When I say flirted, I mean... we had a vocabulary sheet in front of us (this was when I was 16) and the word ‘ogle’ was on there. I pointed to it and I said, what does that word mean? He said “ogling is when you see an attractive young lady” and then he gazed into my eyes and smiled and giggled a bit. Silly things like that, and calling me attractive and staring at me... you’re right. It was very confusing for me, his manager got involved and he started acting professional again and he said in front of her “you’re misinterpreting things, I never said any of this stuff” and then once his manager was gone, a week later he started showing signs of attraction towards me again.

He was inconsistent; one minute an immature little boy with a crush and the next minute a professional, arrogant twit.

He played mind games, it messed with my head. He also tried to make me jealous several times to get a reaction out of me.

Thanks again for answering xx
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Don't blame yourself. Idk how he meant it but it feels like flirting and that's something he can't do.

It feels like his ego is a bit hurt. But that's not your fault. If he says it again, just don't react. Don't feel guilty you did nothing wrong.

Don't let anyone ruin your day because of there feelings. You are going to be okay
 
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Zoe1

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hi Emily Anne

I think you need to get courage together
to spill the beans and to trust someone
like a senior person on his team

I understand if you cant do this
and if not then just ask for someone else
but its very damaging for such a person
to be working with vulnerable adults

when they need someone solid they can trust

:hug5:
 
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