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Can someone help me figure this out?

  • Thread starter think_im_going_crazy
  • Start date
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think_im_going_crazy

New member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
1
Location
uk
Hi, I think I have had this personality my whole life but it was only when I hit my 40's that it kind of exploded and I became acutely aware of it.
I am basically a very nice person, I believe that, but, I have a very nasty side to me that I cannot get rid of and I need help to figure out what's wrong so I can try to get some help.

Basically, I cannot stand anyone to "get one over on me". There are more eloquent ways of putting it and it is probably extremely common, but I cannot deal with this anymore.

It has such an impact on my daily life. I think most people feel annoyed when someone "wins" but my dial is like 90% when probably most peoples are closer to 20%.

Examples: my stepson who used to come and stay one night a week, staying longer at our house on a weekend than I want him to, it enrages me. I will harass him to see what time his train home is, because god forbid he stays a minute longer than I have decided he can stay.

My daughter being pushed aside by her best friend for a different girl at school, I feel hurt on her behalf.

Someone getting a better deal than me in the supermarket or wherever, I feel so annoyed that they have somehow bested me.

Someone wants to cheat at the roadworks and races up a lane that is closed, I will deliberately place my car in the middle of both lanes so they can't get past, where others would just let them do it, the list goes on and on.
I am not explaining this very well and I can assume a lot of people reading it will say its nothing at all but I despise who I am, I really do.

I absolutely HATE it, I hate this awful person but I find myself in daily mental battles to make sure no one can take advantage of me or mine.

There was a comedy show on uk tv where a grown up girl and a boy were playing tag, and he got hit by a car or something and he had just tagged her, and she had to find a way to tag him, even though he was dead. So she somehow managed to tag him as he was being carried away in the ambulance, I feel like that person is me!

Can anyone give me some insight? if I just had a word that I could google to see if there are ways to counter act it, it would be so helpful.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,755
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. I can understand you looking for some sort of medical diagnosis. I am no expert but maybe this is just your a part of your personality? Some do just hate any injustice. If it were me I would try talking to a therapist to work out where these feelings came from and try to understand them.
 
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RelativelyMad

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
13
Location
denmark
I myself have had it alot that way, though I am much younger than you, I think I might have something to help you (but seeing a therapist is always a good choice, and can mostly help you alot). I felt that way to, and still do to some point, but I can set it aside. I just think of it this way, I am who I am, and I cannot change other actions than my own, so i might as well try to relax and enjoy the situation I am in, or try to find something constructive to do, not based on emotions. This is NOT! An easy thing to do, and takes a lot of mental training, but it can be achievable. This intails ofcause putting your focus on the possitive things in that particualar situation. Meditation can help with that alot, though the idea might sound stupid.
 
R

RelativelyMad

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
13
Location
denmark
I myself have had it alot that way, though I am much younger than you, I think I might have something to help you (but seeing a therapist is always a good choice, and can mostly help you alot). I felt that way to, and still do to some point, but I can set it aside. I just think of it this way, I am who I am, and I cannot change other actions than my own, so i might as well try to relax and enjoy the situation I am in, or try to find something constructive to do, not based on emotions. This is NOT! An easy thing to do, and takes a lot of mental training, but it can be achievable. This intails ofcause putting your focus on the possitive things in that particualar situation. Meditation can help with that alot, though the idea might sound stupid.
Its kind of trying to get more control over ones stream of thoughts, and directing them onto something more constructive or possitive
 
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