can somebody help please?

[bluetenrec]

I don't even know if i am in the right forum.
i am even panicing loads about writing this but its better than going to the doctor. i got a diagnosis of bipolar and bpd a couple of years ago. i dont know if the things i think - like i hate myself, everyone is going to leave me, wanting to punch random people - are real or if i am making them up. i am getting quite paranoid. but then again is that my imagination? i really have no idea what in my head is real and what is not. i am terrified of letting people in and telling them this kind of stuff cos they could shout, tell me i am stupid, a liar or a timewaster.

but i dont know what to do cos the doctor probably wont believe me. i hope someone here will take me seriously. i don't know what to do. please help....

 

[silly madam]

Hi there Bluetenrec,

How awful you seem to be feeling at the moment. But please try not to worry. I suffer from BP and my moods go from one extreme to another as does my behaviour. Definitely go to see you doctor again and explain EVERYTHING to him/her. That way they can treat whats really happening but they cant if you dont tell them. I must say that whenever I have told my gp anything they have always listened and believed me. However, what I feel sometimes and what is actully going on could be 2 completely separate things. I have been diagnosed for over 2 years now and I am still trying different drugs to get the right one. I am sure I could have been better treated if I had gone to my gp more often and been more open. But I either felt to bad to go or was manic in which case I didnt see any need whatsoever!
I shall stop ranting on now, but please dont worry. Go see your gp and be open and honest and you can start pushing forward again.
Lots of luck and let us know how you get on.

 

[bluetenrec]

hey.... thank you so much. i think hearing it from someone else that seeing doctor might be good idea makes me think i could.

 

[silly madam]

Not could but SHOULD!!!

Honestly I have gone thru hell and back just as most of us on here have because of our individual illnesses.
Trust me. Until you see your gp you wont be able to move forward.
Have you tried reading a book on BP?
There is Stephen Frys programme about BP on UKTV People at 9pm tomorrow if you get that channel.
Anyway, dont get cross or angry with yourself. It is hard for all of us so please dont feel alone.
Promise you will make an apointment to see your gp asap????

Stay in touch and keep reading and posting. It really is great on here. Loads of support.

 

[bluetenrec]

yeh, i will. first thing monday. Promise.

will let you know

thanks

 

[riverofdragons]

hi bluetenrec,

From what i have read lately the symtoms you are describing are classic bpd (maybe this is playing a bigger part now), and i feel those kinds of feelings too. Definately see the doctor, as whatever meds you are already on are not helping and maybe there is something out there.

Write down what you want to say to the doc or psych, it really helped me.

I hope you dont mind me posting here, and saying that you can always talk to me about these things, and i will listen and support you however i can. i promise im not going anywhere!

 

[bluetenrec]

hey silly madam,
i thought i would update you as i said i would let you know what happened with the doctors.

i went to the gp today and the doctor i saw was only there for the day so she called my outpatients psychiatrist and they are calling a gp at my local gp surgery tomorrow to see if they can do anything sooner than next week. and my usual gp is there on wednesday so i am seeing her then. they moved my outpatients appointment sooner than it was, so i see them next week. they seemed to believe me which is promising.

thanks for your help to you and riverofdragons. i don't think i would have gone to see gp if i hadnt had someone like you saying what you did .

 

[riverofdragons]

hang in there bluetenrec!

remember that life is like the game FLUX, rules are always changing and you often get delt a crap hand, but things turn around and you come out a winner.

Take care

 

[silly madam]

WELL DONE Bluetenrec.

That was really brave of you and look what you have achieved!!!!!!
Let us know how you get on next week.

We are always here if you need us.

Well done you

 

[bluetenrec]

hey, silly madam

you said you'd like to know how my meeting went with the psychiatrist - not good. she said, well you've had feelings similar to this for most of your life, what do you want me to do about it? It felt like she wasnt taking me seriously or listening.

i saw my cpn after my meting with the gp aswell and she was very unhelpful. saying the same kind of things but more so. she said she didnt know what to do, twice, and said she didnt know what i expected her to do. she also didnt seem like she took me seriously or listening. i walked out of that meeting.

i have wondered if you thought its worth making a complaint about it all or if i am making it all out of poportion.

i would have got back to you sooner but i been struggling a bit

 

[silly madam]

Oh Bluetenrec,

I am so sorry to hear youve been struggling again recently. And i am terribly disappointed for you that your apppointments didnt go as you had hoped. I am not sure that making a complaint will help but i do think you should persevere with seeing your GP and any other help that may be on offer in your area. I am extremely luck with my GP and pshychiatrist and i would be totally lost without them (or worse).

I hope you get something sorted - hang on in there. I know its hard but we simply must.

A very big hug for you,

 

[bluetenrec]

thanks Silly Madam.

yeh, the gp is helpful. I'll do me best