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Can people still be friends with ex-gf/bf?

Talina

Talina

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Hi everyone, as the title says I wonder if people can still be friends with their exes. I started to think about it when my ex wrote to me a few days ago and he wanted to build a friendship again. I have no interest of fixing a friendship with my ex but it got me to think.

Because when someone break up, some can say they still can be friends. What are you thoughts about it?
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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my personal experience is no

i am not in contact with my exes, one of them with good reason (he was a self-confessed stalker who boasted to me about literally stalking other exes of his then when our relationship ended turned his stalks onto me and does not care about going to jail for it, a different ex of his took a restraining order out against him)

he made some wuite scary threats against me as well and threatened harms against himself if i didnt take him back and forget what he did

others might be friends with their exes but i dont keep in touch with my exes
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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my personal experience is no

i am not in contact with my exes, one of them with good reason (he was a self-confessed stalker who boasted to me about literally stalking other exes of his then when our relationship ended turned his stalks onto me and does not care about going to jail for it, a different ex of his took a restraining order out against him)

he made some wuite scary threats against me as well and threatened harms against himself if i didnt take him back and forget what he did

others might be friends with their exes but i dont keep in touch with my exes
wuite = quite
 
Jam1990

Jam1990

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I am extremely good friends with my ex wife. We weren’t married very long but we dated for over 3 years. We still chat every week and we’ve been broken up for many years now. We just broke up because we didn’t have the same desires in life but we still got along very well which makes the difference. I would say that if you feel like your ex would add positivity to your life it may be worth being friends. If you feel like it would just be negativity I would steer clear.
 
jackolantern

jackolantern

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For me the answer is a a resounding NO i cannot be friends with an ex.
If the relationship had died or a trust bond is broken friendship in the future is not an option.
My point of view of course, just like Donald Trump i will probably have many that disagree with me. TTFN.
 
K

Keesha

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Whether ex’s can be friends or not is up to the couple but I think it’s probably best if people are at least respectful to each other especially if there are kids involved.
 
Talina

Talina

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Whether ex’s can be friends or not is up to the couple but I think it’s probably best if people are at least respectful to each other especially if there are kids involved.
That’s a good point 😊
 
jackolantern

jackolantern

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Yes very good point about kids involved as well.
 
Talina

Talina

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Myself wouldn’t be able to be friends with my ex, but it might be I don’t have a person that would bring positivity to my life if they stayed as a friend.

Can it sometimes bring harm to other people when staying friends with ex. I know I have friend that often end up staying friends with exes but it always end up with the people waiting and still have feelings. Which in my eyes seem cruel, it would be better breaking it clearly off than waiting and hoping they can be together.
 
N

Nukelavee

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I've been friends with an ex for 30 years post breakup. It really depends on the people, and what the break-up was like.
 
Alice Raven

Alice Raven

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I've been friends with an ex for 30 years post breakup. It really depends on the people, and what the break-up was like.
Very much agreed. In my teens it was much harder since emotions were much more deeply felt by me then. Also, one ex in HS wouldn't even tell me why. In retrospect I strongly think that he wanted to be with another guy and felt shame over this, but that's just intuition on my part based on his behavior. That one, I never spoke to again. My Junior year BF and the one I got back with after and through Freshman year college was a wonderful, fun relationship. We just drifted apart due to distance, but we remain friends to this day.

Even with the most devastating breakup I've had as a Sophomore in college we became friends again after a few years, but we lost touch a couple years ago. It was after that relationship that I swore never to be the dumpee again. I had one guy I dumped for another and I couldn't blame him if he hated me, but we remained friends. My last college relationship, even though I dumped him I would not remain friends with him because he was so emotionally manipulative.

Long story, short, he left his gf (my best friend at the time) to pursue me. We got together and I destroyed my friendship with this other girl for a time. Then, he would do things like send me romantic invitations to his room, scream at me when I arrived and then call and wonder why I'd left. It finally became too much and I left him. A bunch of girls approached me afterwards and told me that they wanted to warn me but I wouldn't have believed them at the time.

I saw him once a few years later and was cordial, but not warm. I suppose the interesting upside of that tale is that I fought a duel with my best friend over the guy when he was still with her. We were both on the fencing team and we met in the semi finals. I was thinking about winning and she was thinking about the guy so I won the bout but lost myself for six months.
 
Lualeo

Lualeo

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Hi everyone, as the title says I wonder if people can still be friends with their exes. I started to think about it when my ex wrote to me a few days ago and he wanted to build a friendship again. I have no interest of fixing a friendship with my ex but it got me to think.

Because when someone break up, some can say they still can be friends. What are you thoughts about it?
I think it depends on the type of relationship you had with this person.

For example: I have had 4 relationships, I left all of them (because of my very unstable self), those relationships lasted for 1 to 5 months. I wasn't interested on a friendship since I didn't care that much for them and neither did they.

If you feel like you are close to that person and you care for him, then go for it.

At the end it all depends on how you feel about that person :)

Hope this has helped you.
 
T

TimeOutForTina

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NO not at the moment. He messed me about and it’s left me with little self worth.
 
B

Buna2020

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I think it definitely depends on the people. I have exes that I am still friends with and some that I never want to see or hear from again, mostly because I when I broke up with them I realised that I really didn't like them as a person.

It is important that both people know and accept it is over and not try to build the friendship with ulterior motive to get back together. That can hurt both parties and affect the new bf/gf, which is not fair.
 
P

Purpleplum

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Can they be - yes.
Shoud they be - no.
Would you want your boyfriend to be friends with his ex? Meeting with her? Phone calls or texts with her?

With marriages where there are kids involved, there is no choice. They have to be friends with ex for the kid's sake. They should keep their contact about the kids only.
 
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