Can people give me some advice.

C

Cfcsonster

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Oct 7, 2017
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Hi,
I have been suffering from quite a lot of problems in the last couple of years, that I will get into later. Just to introduce myself a little, I had a pretty rough childhood, my dad left, my two stepdads were horrid. A couple of years ago I started getting some pretty bad thoughts that I wasn’t needed, and that I contributed absolutely nothing. I try to be as social as possible, but there’s times I feel as though I may as well not be there with my friends, as I don’t have anything to say at times. I’ve never had a girlfriend or sex, and the only girls I’ve had sexual contact with (kissing) was when I was drunk. Nothing sums up my feeling more on this when I fail on getting a girl, then somebody I know starts dating her 2 weeks later. My mind sometimes just goes blank and I don’t know what to say sometimes when near people I don’t know. Every girl I try to talk to goes cold on me whenever I do. All my friends have girlfriends, so I occasionally feel lonely. I also feel as though I have lost all motivation in anything, and that is something my mum has noticed too. I have no goals, and can’t stick to them because even when I do get motivated, something happens and a couple of days later my motivation is gone. I’ve tried sticking to myself, but seeing everybody happy and enjoying themselves on social media just puts me in a negative mindset. It seems I have social anxiety, but I’ve tried everything to get over it to no cigar.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I'm sorry your struggling right now, social anxiety is quite common.
It is good your trying to be social, do you feel low in mood? You really should see your GP/dr and tell them about your lack of motivation etc.
Therapy can help with social anxiety ask your dr to refer you.
I hope you feel better soon.
Life can get better, so don't give up.
Take care
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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you shouldn't get a girlfriend just because all your friends have one and this whole pressure to be in a relationship, you should work on yourself first if your past and anxiety still affects you that it's taken a toll on your well being, focusing on what everyone else is doing would drain the living soul out of anyone, if it helps you should avoid social media
 
C

Cfcsonster

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Oct 7, 2017
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Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I'm sorry your struggling right now, social anxiety is quite common.
It is good your trying to be social, do you feel low in mood? You really should see your GP/dr and tell them about your lack of motivation etc.
Therapy can help with social anxiety ask your dr to refer you.
I hope you feel better soon.
Life can get better, so don't give up.
Take care
Thank you for your response and your welcome. I’ve seen it’s quite common. I can feel low in mood, but that usually comes after the social anxiety. Beforehand, my mood is ok. I try to stay positive as much as possible, but as soon as something gets me down, my mood flips. I will see my GP ASAP, and try to get help. Thanks for caring, and I won’t give up, I’ve got a life ahead of me yet. Thanks so much and take care
 
C

Cfcsonster

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Oct 7, 2017
Messages
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Hi BPDevil,
I’m with you there, I need to work on myself first. I need to sort my problem out. Social Media is pretty much the only way to respond to a couple of my mates or else I would. They don’t answer their phones, but then I end up looking at everyone being so happy, whilst I’m just living the same lifestyle on my own. I don’t particularly want a girlfriend, it’s just I often feel so lonely that the only two options are making more friends and having girlfriends, but it’s easier to try the second in my opinion. I always think people will judge me before I meet them because of a few bad experiences like people who always give dry responses when trying to communicate after meeting them at bars or clubs (sports clubs) etc. I will take your advice into account 100% however, it does drain the life out of me. I just react to it in a negative way
 
T

tippiinslow

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Nov 14, 2018
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Hey. May I ask, how old are you? I only ask because things DO get better with time and age. After a while you start to realize whats important, who matters, and techniques to find the right kinda girl for you. Also, what are your intent when you try to hang out with a female? You mentioned that you usually strike out. Are you attempting to find something meaningful or are you just looking for something casual? I know what I said sounds cliche and corny but it's true. Do you suffer from anxiety disorder by chance?
 
C

Cfcsonster

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Oct 7, 2017
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Hi, I’m 20. I understand things get better with time, people I’ve asked have all said the same thing to me. I’m looking for something meaningful ideally, but something casual would also be fine by me, something that can just help take my mind off all the things on my mind at once. It doesn’t sound cliche, I believe you are exactly right. Never been diagnosed but it is entirely possible. I think social anxiety is a definite, I match up to near enough everything on the lists of what you may feel if you have social anxiety.
 
L

LovesSeafood

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Feb 14, 2018
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Hi there,
It will not help you if you listen to comments from people that only pulls you down especially if they are not out to help you. You need to get rid of this wrong idea of being not needed, and that you contribute nothing. Avoid the source of where that came from if you can. And about not being able to say anything in gatherings, sometimes you do not really need to say anything, just acknowledge that you are listening to them.

Please don’t take this negatively but just a reality check to consider. If you get a girlfriend today, do you think you can keep her? Sometimes it just complicates matters and think about it if you are ready for what might be additional problems and anxiety. This happens to a lot of people. It might be easier to work on your problems if you are on your own for now.
 
T

tippiinslow

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Location
Long Island, New York
So it's more than likely that you have social anxiety. And at 20, that's a hard thing to deal with. This is the most socialable time of your life. Between college, jobs, and social life, family, it's a lot to balance. I know it's hard but I think it would help you to get out of your comfort zone a bit. If you see a girl thats cute, talk to her! If you feel a certain type of way, speak up! For instance, if you find youre having feelings for a girl, or that you think you guys hit it off, tell her! See what she has to say. If she doesn't feel the same way, be happy you got it out of the way and didnt spend too much time over-analyzing. They say that life happens when you are least expecting it. That tends to be true, at least in my case. I noticed that once I stopped desperatly trying to find what I wanted, it came to me. When I started focusing on bettering myself, getting healthy mentally and physically, cutting the toxic things out of my life, and stopped spending all my time on the internet and went out with the one or two friends I have, well, everything ended up falling in place. And honestly, if your "friends" are only reachable by social media because they don't answe their phone for you then no offense but FUCK THEM! If they cant take a minute or two to answer their phone for you than you deserve better friends IMO! Well, keep your head up and know that 10 years from now your life will be full, happy and healthy (God willing!)
 
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