Can Other People Be Making Us The Way We Are???

[DebbieAsh]

Sometimes i think that our relationships or friendships can be doing us more harm than good???
Maybe the friend or parter are getting what they want from us, so they are happy, but they dont always give us what we need, some people need more affection than others or just need to hear that they look nice etc...it should not mean that you are paranoid! & when we dont get it, we feel rejected, which leads to anxiety & self harming, which makes me really think, do we really have all these disorders??? or are our friends or partners really right for us?

I started self harming at 13 & 2 years ago i stopped, i tried everything that the doctor suggested & it did not work, till i myself took the ball by the horns & said nobody will ever make me feel like this again, so when i get things that im not happy about in my friendship or relationships, i walk away, as i feel that nobody is worth cutting myself for

 

[gray]

It can contribute to your problems undoubtedly.

If you are always around people who think and speak negatively then you are recieving their negative energy. This is a particular problem for me and it is not long before you are getting dragged down also.

I have read that it is best to try and avoid or just walk away whenever the person(s) begin talking negatively. However this can be quite difficult when those people live in the same house as you >_<

 

[Prasada]

It has been my observation, Watson, based upon my experience, that other people, and, indeed, society in general, are half the problem for MH sufferers, in terms of their reactions and the stigma.

I have spoken.

 

[Apotheosis]

I agree - Society has it's own pathology; the masses display a pseudo sanity. The people suffering severe mental illness are simply further along the spectrum than the rest - but not that different.

Environment & the way society & individuals react to mental distress; has a profound impact on prognosis.

If people are reacted to with love, in a calm, understanding, gentle, trustful & open manor; then they will respond well.

What is the norm? - That people are reacted to with fear, anger, denial, lack of acknowledgement for what they are experiencing; & often sent off to be 'locked up' & have electricity passed through their brains & be pumped full of drugs. Therapeutic care? That benefits the patient? Pffffffft; yea right.

 

[GrizzlyBear]

I find that my MH issues are always used to 'explain' any disagreement with anyone (anyone who knows and who is not currently having MH problems themselves). My opinion does not differ from 'theirs' in the 'normal' way - it is now merely a symptom. This kind of attitude has worsened my condition.

 

[TheRedStar]

Without launching into one of my general favourite rants, I undoubtedly think that society as a whole is not only a massive part of the problem for people with mental health problems, but is also a significant contributing factor to the ever growing number of people with such illnesses.

Just off the top of my head I believe that the ever greater demands of work - with ever more unsociable hours - is distancing people from not only existing friends and partners, but also fomr the opportunity to meet new ones. I also believe that the pressure in today's society to be perfect in both mind AND body is damaging people... in all forms of media we are subjected to 'strong', 'beautiful', people; in trash magazines and tabloids celebrities are ridiculed for even the slightest hint of cellulite or a stomach; and advertisements basically tell us that we've got no excuse not to look our best at all times.

Unfortunately, irrespective of what such pressure can trigger in people, it's nevertheless the truth that there is a LOT of money to be made out of making people feel bad about themselves. And, as we all well know, making money is more important than anything else in our society.

OK, so you did get a rant, but believe me when I say that's the short version.

In terms of relationships and friendships... well, it's not so much the partners I DO have who make me feel bad about myself, but the partners I DON'T have. Put it this way... it's been 13 years since I told someone how I felt about them and got a positive response. I think that even someone with a 'normal' basic mindset would be starting to struggle with their confidence by now, let alone me with my more... sensitive... nature.

And friends... it's amazing how mental illness soon sorts out your friends from your acquaintances. Oh, people have sympathy at first, but when they realise that you're not just going to 'get over it', they soon lose interest and/or get a bit scared of or unnerved by your feelings. Which, of course, REALLY makes you feel like a freak.

Then there's the home truths... I thought about what DebbieAsh said regarding how people need to hear that they look nice, but to be honest I'd rather not be told that if it's not the truth. I'm lucky in that respect as I certainly have friends who are honest with me... on one night early last year I had two friends take me apart physically; one told me that my hair and my general presentation are all wrong and that I don't help myself, and another told me that I'll always struggle to meet someone because of how I look. I say I prefer honesty, but... it really hurt me (that I remember it so vividly nearly 18 months later probably illustrates my point), and I've since distanced myself from those friends.

However, considering my lack of success with the opposite sex, what they said is blatantly true and as such I get annoyed with people telling me that I look good when it's obviously not the case. I just prefer people not to comment on me as a physical object to be honest.

Also in terms of friends, I agree with Gray's point about negative energy being contagious. Unfortunately, given my proneness to low lows, I'M often the supplier of the negative energy, and I end up caught in this dichotomy between understanding people not wanting to be around me, but also feeling like a pariah and feeling lonely in general; needless to say those things only exacerbate my own negativity.

It's also annoying when any contentious opinions you hold are derided and/or dismissed due to you being 'mad'.

 

[GrizzlyBear]

I agree with Gray's point about negative energy being contagious. Unfortunately, given my proneness to low lows, I'M often the supplier of the negative energy, and I end up caught in this dichotomy between understanding people not wanting to be around me, but also feeling like a pariah and feeling lonely in general; needless to say those things only exacerbate my own negativity.

*nods in agreement* I find it the same for me.

It's also annoying when any contentious opinions you hold are derided and/or dismissed due to you being 'mad'.

That really makes me 'mad'! Even just thinking about it makes me feel really unwell.

 

[jamesdean]

My cousin said to me that it was never my head that was messed up its the people that have messsed itupover the years using my good kind nature n screwing meup because they all wanted a part of me when In fact Iproberly would of been best to not of got involved with these people like the bitch ex wife who was so screwed up n just wanted to marry anyone for her own satis faction I dont do regrets in mylife but she did fuckmy head up n themoney that I spent then buying a house the nice holidays n cars but then Iproberly wouldnt be in such a goodplace now (Dispite poor health condiitions inc mh).

Iwas weak for marrying,I have had four very serious relationship + a guy who adored me when I was just 19 but I just didntlove him backn yet he offered me the world well almost.I have been in love twice but my first boyfriend used to beat me up badly my friend who I've just hooked backupwith was telling me recently how she spoke to him n said you beat Frank up onemore time n iwillsort youout Yet I didnt remeber all this stuff because I was besotted but really it was of him that was the final push into the psyciatricthospital I dont blame him for that but I did just to attract users in my life n I would give all my monies away to everyone n I wasnt rich but had a few bob then....................

The lesson in all this I dontlet peopleuse me anymore n I have to speak my mind n hold on tomy own monies because I dont have lots this pots there certainly isnt a potof money spare whotI get is whot I spend though I might just buy the bunch of flowers for myself first these days mind I have just donated an small amount per month to a certain charity which hasmade me feel good about myself.

So be carefulguys that you dont let other mess with your head somepeople just like to mess about with other peoples minds ........................

 

[Prasada]

I agree - Society has it's own pathology; the masses display a pseudo sanity. The people suffering severe mental illness are simply further along the spectrum than the rest - but not that different.

Environment & the way society & individuals react to mental distress; has a profound impact on prognosis.

If people are reacted to with love, in a calm, understanding, gentle, trustful & open manor; then they will respond well.

What is the norm? - That people are reacted to with fear, anger, denial, lack of acknowledgement for what they are experiencing; & often sent off to be 'locked up' & have electricity passed through their brains & be pumped full of drugs. Therapeutic care? That benefits the patient? Pffffffft; yea right.

That sums the matter up very well. In fact, I was probably being conservative in my estimate when I said that society was responsible for only half the problem. Once a person is in some sort of psychological distress, the reactions of others escalate the problem. I hesitate to use the word ‘exponentially’, because that has very specific mathematical overtones, but it’s metaphorically pertinent. The problem feeds on itself after most ‘social’ interactions.

If I had to take a wild guess and put a figure on the escalation, I would say that most people with MH issues would suffer about 20% of what they do because of the lack of a genuinely sympathetic reception, etc.

I have actually considered writing a book on this subject. It would be a long haul.

 

[Prasada]

Sometimes i think that our relationships or friendships can be doing us more harm than good???
Maybe the friend or parter are getting what they want from us, so they are happy, but they dont always give us what we need, some people need more affection than others or just need to hear that they look nice etc.

Sadly this is a very widespread problem in relationships and by no means confined to MH sufferers – not by a long way. The lack of (expressed) affection is probably the most common complaint, particularly from women.

 

[Prasada]

OK, so you did get a rant, but believe me when I say that's the short version.

I accept your word as a gentleman and scholar, sir.

 

[Prasada]

And friends... it's amazing how mental illness soon sorts out your friends from your acquaintances.

This is very true, but I can see an upside to that: finding your true friends can outweigh the loss of less committed semi-friends.

 

[Apotheosis]

This is very true, but I can see an upside to that: finding your true friends can outweigh the loss of less committed semi-friends.

I think that it is very hard - some days it seems like no one really understands me & that I have no friends, & then other days I feel like I have wide social circles & close & understanding friends & acquaintances. It is also dependant a lot of how I am feeling. Family is a hard one too; we can't very well drop out everyone that we have disagreements & differences of opinion with, or when we don't like everything that they say. Sometimes it feels like family isn't understanding, & that friends aren't - so what do I do? Drop out everyone; move to India, live in a cave & become a hermit? I sometimes think that may be best.

When I am going through it; I find people far more difficult; but conversely; I am also probably far more difficult to be around. I am prone to negativity & hopelessness. I have certain friends that can get in bad states; & when they are like it too much; then I have to say that I start to stay away as well.

It is something that I have noted - that in general society where MH stigma & discrimination is generally considered normal - a similar discrimination is displayed by those very people experiencing MH difficulties themselves.