• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Can I talk to you please

A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
Hi,
I have been reading the threads, I am know that I am not well in myself after reading, but not sure if I have anything wrong, I can associate to some of problems on this topic, I was sitting at the table i thought I had poured my coffee over my self, I see myself doing stuff like laughing or crawling around the floor like a animal making noises and I jolt my self as I thought I had, I have recently seen the room light up and I thought I was floating in between, I have lots of Flash backs its like a video but can still see my surroundings, I am up and down, I can speak so much then completely quite I feel I dont want to talk, I have a twitch that if I dont contol it can go from blinking to my arm twitching to my leg, and my breathing feels very uncomfortable, I go to bed and try and sleep try not to think about it, I feel a bit embarrassed, I live in a rural area as I run away from the UK away from people, I am a very private person and I feel really uncomfotable around people, I met my partner we are gay and she came to live with me she has been amazing, I am now moving back to UK, But I dont feel I will survive or will live long enough, I know I will but its a feeling I have, I think every morning when I wake up to stick something through my temple to distroy my brain, I hate saying these kinda words, and feel very uncomfortable, I feel very sad and I should not, One minute I can be ok then the next I feel everything drain from me, I have no energy, I think really strangely and deeply about things, and become really obsessed with things, I feel its keeping my mind occupied, I know I don't allow myself to think of anything that hurts me, If my partner was not here I dont think I would be able to move, I get up for her and do things because I love her, I all so find it very hard to consitrate on anything, I cant remeber my past some i can, I cant rember my last street I lived in or my last doctors, I had to close my account in UK as I could not remeber my details, There is so much more, I broke my ankle could not walk properly for a year, But did not seek help, I cant think why, I feel I am very much on my own not needing anyone. But now moving back to UK, Is there anything wrong with me, It really hard work being me,,
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Hi Aker & :welcome: to the site. It is helpful to just share stuff. I'm sure other people will reply & make suggestions.
 
A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
Hi,
I have been reading the threads, I am know that I am not well in myself after reading, but not sure if I have anything wrong, I can associate to some of problems on this topic, I was sitting at the table i thought I had poured my coffee over my self, I see myself doing stuff like laughing or crawling around the floor like a animal making noises and I jolt my self as I thought I had, I have recently seen the room light up and I thought I was floating in between, I have lots of Flash backs its like a video but can still see my surroundings, I am up and down, I can speak so much then completely quite I feel I dont want to talk, I have a twitch that if I dont contol it can go from blinking to my arm twitching to my leg, and my breathing feels very uncomfortable, I go to bed and try and sleep try not to think about it, I feel a bit embarrassed, I live in a rural area as I run away from the UK away from people, I am a very private person and I feel really uncomfotable around people, I met my partner we are gay and she came to live with me she has been amazing, I am now moving back to UK, But I dont feel I will survive or will live long enough, I know I will but its a feeling I have, I think every morning when I wake up to stick something through my temple to distroy my brain, I hate saying these kinda words, and feel very uncomfortable, I feel very sad and I should not, One minute I can be ok then the next I feel everything drain from me, I have no energy, I think really strangely and deeply about things, and become really obsessed with things, I feel its keeping my mind occupied, I know I don't allow myself to think of anything that hurts me, If my partner was not here I dont think I would be able to move, I get up for her and do things because I love her, I all so find it very hard to consitrate on anything, I cant remeber my past some i can, I cant rember my last street I lived in or my last doctors, I had to close my account in UK as I could not remeber my details, There is so much more, I broke my ankle could not walk properly for a year, But did not seek help, I cant think why, I feel I am very much on my own not needing anyone. But now moving back to UK, Is there anything wrong with me, It really hard work being me,,
I forgot to say 3 days ago i was talking to my partner in morning saying things she siad I was not talking properly as if my mouth was swollen, saying ilogical things, I cant explain My mind get so confused, and it does alot, I dont understand anything, I think ilogical things I dont know wether you understand or experienced this, but you have to understand I have a very strng logical women that is my life partner, she keeps my mind striaght.
 
A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
Hi Aker & :welcome: to the site. It is helpful to just share stuff. I'm sure other people will reply & make suggestions.
Thank you Douglas. I hope someone does may be I have a bit of sadness, since mum left me we lived together everyday and then I was on my own, We had such a power between us, she understood me, as she closed her eyes I told her I am nothing with out you.....
 
A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
Thank you Douglas. I hope someone does may be I have a bit of sadness, since mum left me we lived together everyday and then I was on my own, I had no friends I did not go out untill I was 28, like to partys or normal so I know now, I am attractive girl so people tell me, We had such a power between us, she is a beutifull women, she understood me, no one does, apart from my partner, as she closed her eyes I told her I am nothing with out you.....
she closed her eyes with a tear and just shook her head to say I am, I live my life she shows me blue and white flashes to warn me or say yes or no, it is hundred percent true, I think I am a little messed up since mum left, But me and mum run away from a man that was very bad, he wanted to hurt her real bad. I was her protecter and I let her down, now nothing is so nice in life, but I do feel love.
 
S

saffron

Guest
hi aker
wwelcome to the forum and I am sure by being able to talk about your fears and feeling will help immensly. it does sound like you are in a complete battle with yourself, eh.
there has been a lot of trauma and change in your life hasnt there.
it sounds like you have a reallly supportive paartner but it sounds like the issues is about your relationship with your mum.
so you think you let your mum down?

are you still intouch with here?

take care thinking of you.
S
 
A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
hi aker
wwelcome to the forum and I am sure by being able to talk about your fears and feeling will help immensly. it does sound like you are in a complete battle with yourself, eh.
there has been a lot of trauma and change in your life hasnt there.
it sounds like you have a reallly supportive paartner but it sounds like the issues is about your relationship with your mum.
so you think you let your mum down?

are you still intouch with here?

take care thinking of you.
S
Hi Saffron,

Thank you for your reply, You are right it is my past that haunts me and wont let me go to be free, I sometimes want to touch electric socket just to clear my mind, My mind get very confused sometimes, Its really not a nice feeling, Nearly every day I have flash backs, or go out so many things can make me feel sad, I hide all this if I can from my partner, But feel so warn out, I just want to feel happy I want to feel happy all the time, I have nothing to feel sad about, But its my mind I feel separate from it and makes me feel ill all the time, My family I left behind and disappeared my brothers, I could never ever see them again. I lost interest in so many hobbies, I am afraid when my partner tell someone what my interest are, and I cant remember things about things I am interested in, basics yes, I fear people will think I am stupid or laugh at me, I am quite guarded. Its just my memory its so frustrating. I think cause I am going back to UK, I do feel excited but I am not used to having people around me. When I was with mum we never had people over we had no friends, but when I was 28 I started to go out I made myself and met people women, People were very attracted to me saying I am very inoccent and nieve, I liked the feeling going out, People complimenting me, Then I watched Mum pass away, I did not know how to be or what to do, I could not go with her at that time, I become obsessed for 2 weeks being with her touching her she did not breath anymore, Until she was not with me anymore. I love her,
 
S

saffron

Guest
you miss her dearly. you love her.

I really would encourage you to share more of your feelings with your partner, but I feel you will just argue against it, although I think that is what you really want to do, it really is a case of problem shared, you cannot be expected to hold all this in all the time, no wonder you are always tired and having adverse reactions. sorry that came out a it blunt, no offense ment. :hug:
but you feel isolated? the only person close is your partner? Why can you not find your family again? You are not obliged to answer any of these. ok no pressure. I will understand

soometimes when you meet someone you can get very immersed in their lives and forget some of what you like. what did you do as a hobby before you met your partner?

S
 
A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
you miss her dearly. you love her.

I really would encourage you to share more of your feelings with your partner, but I feel you will just argue against it, although I think that is what you really want to do, it really is a case of problem shared, you cannot be expected to hold all this in all the time, no wonder you are always tired and having adverse reactions. sorry that came out a it blunt, no offense ment. :hug:
but you feel isolated? the only person close is your partner? Why can you not find your family again? You are not obliged to answer any of these. ok no pressure. I will understand

soometimes when you meet someone you can get very immersed in their lives and forget some of what you like. what did you do as a hobby before you met your partner?

S
Hi saffron,
I love History, military soldiers, clay modeling, Computer repairing, any thing gadgetry, xbox 360, Diy, editing creating movies, I like any thing to do with cinema I would love to build a cinema room from popcorn to the seats and big screen. I love being around cinemas the smell it very exciting, or holding anything really old I have a great imagination and can see events. I love my games on pc strategy games, I want to create a scene from a 2nd world war, making the tanks and soldiers and scene, I had many hobbies before I met my partner I lost all my feelings, I now do get excited , It comes and goes now, My partner tells me not to talk bout things to much as I become obsessed and talk all day about one subject until I go to bed and repeat in my head until I don't feel very well and stay a wake all night, but it makes me feel good at first, but drive my partner mad. I listen to history programs a particular one, I try and consitrate on his voice it really helps most of the time as I have trouble sleeping. I did talk to my partner about things in the begining but she does not like it when I talk in grate detail, and I would talk all time just repeating my self over and over again, when I laugh I cry,
 
S

saffron

Guest
that sounds really interesting, why cant you actually do any of these things then?
do you think sometimes that you hold back too much to save your partners feelings? well Im not being funny but what about your feelings, I think the need to talk is important for you to unravel what is going on in your mind, and that sometime repeating things in different ways is needed, especially if you feel you are still not understood, that is normal I think, I feel like that most of the time.
maybe you let yoiur partner know how important it is to be able to talk about things to her and that it is suffocating you not feeling that you can.
I sometimes feel that even thouigh they may not say anything the fact that they are there helps, so sometimes I ask someone to just nod every now and then and not say anything but let me talk anyway. dont know if that will help in your position. maybe its this total lack of being able to completely express yourself demotivated you to carry on with something you enjoy doing to express your self, ie the models and military ect.
Maybe that will give you something that makes you feel individual as a persona again.

sorry to blah on.
S
 
A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
Thank you, I think why I am here, I did not think I would be ok, and wake up not knowing myself. I was afriad that I would disapear myself. Can that happen cause, Cause whats norm to me sometimes not norm to my partner, Thanks so much for chatting to me.You know when you know somethings wrong but dont understand it. that the feeling I am having.I dont really understand if i have something wong. or its all normal, and i wont lose myself.
 
A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
that sounds really interesting, why cant you actually do any of these things then?
do you think sometimes that you hold back too much to save your partners feelings? well Im not being funny but what about your feelings, I think the need to talk is important for you to unravel what is going on in your mind, and that sometime repeating things in different ways is needed, especially if you feel you are still not understood, that is normal I think, I feel like that most of the time.
maybe you let yoiur partner know how important it is to be able to talk about things to her and that it is suffocating you not feeling that you can.
I sometimes feel that even thouigh they may not say anything the fact that they are there helps, so sometimes I ask someone to just nod every now and then and not say anything but let me talk anyway. dont know if that will help in your position. maybe its this total lack of being able to completely express yourself demotivated you to carry on with something you enjoy doing to express your self, ie the models and military ect.
Maybe that will give you something that makes you feel individual as a persona again.

sorry to blah on.
S
I do i tried clay modling again does not feel same everything goes wrong, History I re watch programs over and over cause I forget, the others i will do soon,
 
A

aker

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
30
i amwarn out now, if i have sounded stupid if i embarrassed my self sorry
 
S

saffron

Guest
Aker
you have not embarrassed yourself at all you have opened up and the release must e exhausting, thats how I feel anyway, like a weight lifted that at last you can talk about things more clearly, I find it so draining fighting with myself sometimes. i find that keeping a journal has really helped and has jolted lost ut good memories, i immediately diregard the bad ones, and remind myself what I like in life, how I feel and what I need. because I can get really caught up with someone else I loose my identity.
I think you have been very brave and open here and hope you feel you can return if you want to talk more, thinking of you.
S
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
I did talk to my partner about things in the begining but she does not like it when I talk in grate detail, and I would talk all time just repeating my self over and over again, when I laugh I cry,
I also have a tendency to talk and talk and talk the subject into the tiniest of details. It is very exhausting for the listener. Now I see a CPN and I can't go on forever because the appointment has to end. It is a relief to talk when there is an agreed ending point. Maybe you could have such an arrangement with your partner.

Or, like me, you could do the talking with professionals...

:grouphug:
 
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