Can I get your thoughts please?

K

KATM4

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Hi, this is my first post. I have been a bit lost. My brother died a few months ago, he was 32. He would openly tell us about depression and anxiety, but also had some behavioural traits that could be difficult to cope with. After he died we met lots and lots and lots of his friends who we would never have had the opportunity to talk to before, I have listened so very carefully to everything anyone would tell me, his relationships with his friends, himself, his attitude toward serious risk to himself physically at times, substance use, how he was in relationships, how suddenly he would instigate break ups. He was amazing, an awesome brother, but equally almost seemed to argue for fun at times and could lose it completely over what we would perceive as nothing - like an opposing point of view in a conversation for example, and then literally be unable to bring himself back down. He loves you completely or cannot bear to speak to you all in a heartbeat. He is either totally on the go, making plans and popping up all over the place, or pretty reclusive telling you of pains, problems and extreme exhaustion. He had no tollerance for physical or emotional discomfort.
I have discovered he had a significant relationship with psychadelic drugs for a long time, at this point I think this was his way of self medicating his concerns about his mental health. He wouldn't be judged by anyone so only shared this with a select few people. I think he mistook genuine care for judgement.
The more I have pieced together all the pieces of his puzzle, those we already knew and those people have been kind enough to give me, the more I think he may have had BPD, but what I know about it is only for my own use of google. How does it sound??? Do you think I am a mile off the mark, or does it sound like a possibility?
Thanks in advance.x
 
Guy12182

Guy12182

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#2
Sorry for your Loss

Sorry for your loss KATM4. Diagnosing someone can take time in others. Knowing bits and pieces of information and/or what you'd been told on a hearsay situation can make it difficult to properly get the accurate diagnosis.
There's always an underlying issue with a person that makes them think and do certain things and present with multitude of symptoms. Drug use with certain catagories can alter the mind in a state I believe that has the possibility to make someone react or do things normally not practiced by the user.
I hope you can heal enough to understand past events that we can't change, but learn from and grow stronger and more resilient. It is a possibility KATMA4, but not 100%.

Best wishes and welcome to MHF!
Guy~
 
Drooo

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Hi Kat, sorry for your loss. 32 is no age.

It does sound possible for it to have been BPD, a lot of the main criteria are there. I would also agree about the self-medication theory. Too many people assume that as the cause when it is often a form of escape.

I have a BPD diagnosis so if there's anything you want to ask about the disorder feel free to.
 
K

KATM4

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Thank you both for for taking the time to reply. Obviously there is a whole long story that sits beside this short summary.

Drooo, could I ask please, do you think you had noticable traits as a child or only in adolescence/ adulthood? The other thing I would ask is do you have much personal experience of 'splitting'? It is more likely to be with people you care more deeply about or with acquaintances?

Thanks again for replying.x
 
Drooo

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Thank you both for for taking the time to reply. Obviously there is a whole long story that sits beside this short summary.

Drooo, could I ask please, do you think you had noticable traits as a child or only in adolescence/ adulthood? The other thing I would ask is do you have much personal experience of 'splitting'? It is more likely to be with people you care more deeply about or with acquaintances?

Thanks again for replying.x
No problem.

I think it would be possible to say that traits were there for me as a child as I was quite moody (all my school reports mention this) and I did also have quite a long spell of being violent, getting into fights often because I so easily snapped into anger. I didn't have mood problems at all until I was an adult but I would say that from about the age of 15 I started to feel like I was different to others.

As for splitting, I would say that it is much more obvious for those we care about or spend more time with. If I think highly of someone, like or love them, it's almost like I've put them on a pedestal in my mind; I've deemed them 'Good people'. If they then do something that suggests otherwise this can effectively be ruined because I thought they were better than that. This then turns into a case of them being 'Just like all the rest'. They lose that air of goodness and the opinion of them drops like a stone. It can go back the other way again, it's just that for me, those negative opinions/feelings seem to be much stronger, so when someone lets me down in some way, it leaves a big mark on things, we can lead me to shunning people, falling out with people and so on.
 
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KATM4

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Thanks Drooo. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. He was (I may slip to is in places - I still find was difficult concept), super switched on and really intelligent, he's a very analytical kind of person, he looks into the detail of everything. I think he will have considered the possibility of BPD himself, if what I know led me here, I'm sure he will have been here too.
I have learned that he used DMT heavily at one point, and more recently discussed looking out for research on the use of it to manage mental health with a girlfriend quite openly on social media. The more I have become a detective the more I have learned about his relationship with substance use in the long term. He has never really been violent but can be fiercely argumentative and it erupts in a second at time, he is very precise about things too. He was really tall with a deep loud voice so if he has an outburst and you don't know him well you might be intimidated, but not if you know him well. He loves deeply like with everything he has. He had an amazing friendship group who just accepted him and helped him.
I'm gutted for him that this is how it ended.

Thanks again for your time.x
 
Drooo

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Thanks Drooo. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. He was (I may slip to is in places - I still find was difficult concept), super switched on and really intelligent, he's a very analytical kind of person, he looks into the detail of everything. I think he will have considered the possibility of BPD himself, if what I know led me here, I'm sure he will have been here too.

has never really been violent but can be fiercely argumentative and it erupts in a second at time, he is very precise about things too. He was really tall with a deep loud voice so if he has an outburst and you don't know him well you might be intimidated, but not if you know him well. He loves deeply like with everything he has. He had an amazing friendship group who just accepted him and helped him.
I'm gutted for him that this is how it ended.

Thanks again for your time.x
One other thing. BPD usually presents with another comorbid condition, it is much rarer for it to be just BPD on its own (My own diagnosis for example, is BPD, Depression & Anxiety), so it could be that he had a small combination of things going on; you can even have BPD and Bipolar.
High intelligence and being very detail driven could even suggest Asperger's. I have found a study previously about there being some crossover between BPD and Asperger's, so who knows.

If you don't mind me asking: did he take his own life?
 
K

KATM4

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Drooo he has a long standing diagnosis of anxiety and depression, a therapist working with him at one point a few years back asked him if he thought he might be autistic - I don't believe he ever followed that up, and lots of years ago he told some friends a Dr had told him he might have a form of schizophrenia but he brushed it off when we spoke to him about it.

Did he take his own life? Good question. Not intentionally I don't believe, the inquest ruled misadventure. I suppose that depends on your perspective, you could argue he did it slowly over the last 5 years. He wasn't stupid and I believe completely understood the potential of his lifestyle. He had a longstanding relationship with DMT, having only discovered this after his death I can only rely on what his friends will tell me or I can find in messages, I understand he used this to feel better about being in his skin and to support a better relationship with himself. We discovered he was using xanax but at a dose consistent with therapeutic use, and then we also discovered he had been treated for heroin addiction and relapse in 16 and 17. His post mortem showed multiple drug toxicity, with enough heroin for an overdose depending on his tolerance, but also cocaine, xanax, and alcohol.

I have reached a point that I genuinely feel he believed he was self medicating his own mental health concerns. He was in and out of therapy with one friend who has told me that he said "my mind is just f***ed but I'm ok when I manage it so I'll never cone off drugs".

This friend has said to my that his case worker is would like to see me and explain a bit. I think I want to take up the offer but I feel a bit out of my depth.

I hope you don't mind me sharing this.x
 
Drooo

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Drooo he has a long standing diagnosis of anxiety and depression, a therapist working with him at one point a few years back asked him if he thought he might be autistic - I don't believe he ever followed that up, and lots of years ago he told some friends a Dr had told him he might have a form of schizophrenia but he brushed it off when we spoke to him about it.

Did he take his own life? Good question. Not intentionally I don't believe, the inquest ruled misadventure. I suppose that depends on your perspective, you could argue he did it slowly over the last 5 years. He wasn't stupid and I believe completely understood the potential of his lifestyle. He had a longstanding relationship with DMT, having only discovered this after his death I can only rely on what his friends will tell me or I can find in messages, I understand he used this to feel better about being in his skin and to support a better relationship with himself. We discovered he was using xanax but at a dose consistent with therapeutic use, and then we also discovered he had been treated for heroin addiction and relapse in 16 and 17. His post mortem showed multiple drug toxicity, with enough heroin for an overdose depending on his tolerance, but also cocaine, xanax, and alcohol.

I have reached a point that I genuinely feel he believed he was self medicating his own mental health concerns. He was in and out of therapy with one friend who has told me that he said "my mind is just f***ed but I'm ok when I manage it so I'll never cone off drugs".

This friend has said to my that his case worker is would like to see me and explain a bit. I think I want to take up the offer but I feel a bit out of my depth.

I hope you don't mind me sharing this.x
Thanks for sharing, that's such a shame.

The big problem with using sunstances on top of mental illness of course is that it complicates the picture regarding diagnosis. Many of the symptoms could have been due to the drug use and only temporary in nature. But it's a situation you can't really win with because getting the right help usually takes far too long as it is, so you start looking for something to help you out as a form of self-medication because you need something, anything! But then when you do get help, not only do they focus a lot on the substance use instead of fully focusing on the underlying issue, they get all kinds of info about symptoms and experiences that can confuse things. You are your own worst enemy but at the same time, your only saviour. It's difficult, really difficult.

The case worker offer sounds like it would be a good thing. I can't truly imagine what it must be like for you, but I'd guess that if I were in your shoes I would want answers, or at least as much info as I could get to help me understand as much as I could. I would definitely meet with them if it were me.
 
K

KATM4

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Thank you (again 😊) I'm pretty sure I will.

Your help on this has been really useful. I hope you are in a good place yourself at the moment.
 

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