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can breakups cause stress disorders?

B

biggerdandy

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Joined
Oct 5, 2014
Messages
196
I had a long standing relationship with someone very close to me, even though we only dated for a few months, we knew each other for years. She kept the relationship secret and then used me as a platform to go after another girl

for years she was telling me she was bi, but others she was a lesbian. It turned out later on, I wasn't the first person she had run off chasing others on a date. I also found out her reasons for the breakup were a repeated cycle.

Tells a guy she's bi, tells everyone else shes a lesbian
Dates guy
Runs off after girl
Dumps them a while later after snooping off with another girl
Turns around later and starts saying shes bi to someone else.


I felt very deeply hurt by this for a lot of reasons.

- First person I can honestly say I was attracted enough to want sex (sex does nothing for me physically, I actually had emotional aspects here). The abuse of that area of my life has made me feel I can't trust others for now
- I had known her for years. I spent a lot of time helping her with her depression (making sure she ate and washed and got out of bed)
- She told me all about her other people led her on and abused her trust (somehow, I know feel this may have been lies, she likes to present herself to people as a victim, she did that to me and our other friends).
- She snooped off after tht date to see the other girl before breaking up with me, so far as Im concerned, thats cheating.
- She was the only person I ever confided in about my gender dysphoria. She even presented it as a reason we could work as a couple. Dumping me saying my body was her issue spiked it immensely and I wanted to destroy my own body in a sort of desperate attempt to change things and have her back. A few months later, When she turned nasty and said 'its not that I dont like guys, I just dont like you' cut me incredibly deep.

When i confronted her, she threatened to kill herself because I was mad at her (victim role again), and badmouthed me to mutual friends. I cut her off, but we're still in the same city.


Is it understandable if this has had an effect on me? I find it hard not to think about it even 2 years after it happened
 
Jonwal

Jonwal

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Joined
May 27, 2014
Messages
299
Sounds like this breakup would cause anyone a stress/confidence "disorder" issues. It's incredibly hard for someone you have feelings for to be so unkind to you. I personally would struggle to cope with this. :( I hope u r ok and don't let this person get to you. She used you and I hope u find someone decent enough to love you for you. Sorry you are suffering :hug1:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
Is it understandable if this has had an effect on me?
Absolutely.
And you can't put a time frame on moving forward from something like this.
Just because it's been 2 years, doesn't mean that you'd be any less affected by it, particularly if you've not had support in dealing with the painful emotions left behind.

I'm not a psychiatrist obviously, so can't really say whether relationships cause stress disorders.
From my personal opinion though, i'd say yes - they definitely do!

Have you sought any help for things? It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of unpleasant emotions - betrayal, trauma, deceit etc.
I really think you would benefit from therapy or counselling, if that's an option for you at the moment?
 
Hecate

Hecate

Member
Joined
Nov 6, 2014
Messages
21
Location
Ireland
Hi, sorry for what happened to you first of all. This ex sounds like a narcissist (only care for themselves, little respect for others' feelings) and I'd reckon you're better off without her if you want a solid relationship and she doesn't, the formula will never work.

If you've known each other a long time, then I'd say it can defibately cause stress as she wasn't just a girlfriend but a long time friend (and I've had my fair share of awful friends so I feel your pain) also who you seemed to care a lot for. I'd advise you to move on as quickly as possible to help the healing. I know it sounds cliché and awful but there is other people out there and you need to find one who will help you through hard times like this as much as you help them.

Dating is all about meeting bad partners until you find a good one! Be good to yourself.
 
Monroe1980

Monroe1980

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2014
Messages
148
Location
Ireland
Definitely it can. My marriage broke down quite suddenly a year and a half ago. I actually did quite well for the first while, probably blocking most of it out. Has resurfaced quite a lot recently, I guess because it was so sudden and we cut contact off quickly (no kids or joint property etc). Unfortunately there is no quick fix and you just have to distract yourself as much as you can.
 
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