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Can BPD be 'cured'?

Unstuck

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Joined
Jun 29, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Las Vegas
After half a century of wondering, "why am I so miserable" and constantly doing and saying things that wrecked any chance of short term happiness, while my conscious mind was yelling, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP NOW YOU FOOL!" my wife of a quarter century enlightened me as to how I appeared to others during one of her abusive drunken blackout jags.

As she was destroying me with the truth, she was confused over my interest in what she was saying. Sure, it hurt, but when she was in these states, ripping my heart out with her words, she seemed incapable of lying, so I believed her words, because after all they rang true.

After she cursed me for not getting angry, she passed out and I hit the Google search engine to find out exactly my problem was.

In the past I did some research to see if my problem was being bi-polar, but no, I didn't fit the square holes on that test, and left it at that.

On this night while the cursed information was still fresh in my mind, I finally stumbled on a description of BPD and thought, "Holy Schmoley! This is a text book case of a text book case! Eureka! I've got BPD big time, now that I know what my problem is, I can FIX IT!"

What a disappointment that little inaccurate revelation was. Sure, now I know that the problem is, but fixing it isn't as easy as I would have suspected, as I made zero progress.

After realizing that I wasn't going to fix this problem without huge amounts of alcohol and recreational drugs, I was depressed that I hadn't made this realization decades ago, so that I could have tried a little bit harder to end it in order to avoid this horror show of a life that wasn't going to get any easier.

So, one night while the wife was screaming in my left ear 'till it rang, I decided this would be the night... I've tried before, but was always a suicide chump, as the wife would say as she egged me on.

This night I would grow a pair, sit in the bath tub, wrap the towel around the huge melon of a head, put a bucket on it and end it, IF, a certain event were to take place that night, making it easier to leave this realm.

Before the event took place, I was touched by the universe in a physical and mental way, making me think I was having a stroke, but it was such a wonderful stroke, I then went with it, and have never been the same since.

It took over a year before I accepted the fact that on that night I was 'enlightened' giving me the ability to see within myself clearly.

With this new vision, I was able to stop and think whenever I was accosted by the gifts that BPD just keeps on giving, to ask myself "why did I do that?"

I use to ask myself that question a lot! But this time, I was able to, with some puzzle solving effort on my Mensa brain, to come up with answers.

The puzzle solving became easier over the next couple of years allowing me to see what the exact causes of my disorder were.

In a word, the little buggers were seemingly insignificant delusions, the kind of delusions we start building up in our subconscious mind the moment we see mommy's face and make a judgment surrounded by emotion.

OK, I'll end it here since this is where people usually start looking at me like I got worms coming out my nose.

I'm working on mapping out everything starting with myself on the subconscious level, working outward to see things that are beyond my own existence.

So, If this is true, I might be in a place to help others who might be interested in hearing more.

However, according to my model, it's a distinct possibility that by beliefs are delusion. Therefore, I might now find myself in a place where others can help me to see what I may be blind to.

I had depended on the blackout drunk wife for these truths, unfortunately she has since gotten her wish to die drunk and ugly, and is no longer able to give me the unvarnished truth during her 'states'.

I look forward to anonymous conversations in seeking the truth, since the truth is all there is actually.
 
S

ScatterBrain

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Jun 29, 2020
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7
Location
Israel
So do you think that bpd can be cured? Did you learn something useful from your enlightment? I would like to hear more!
 

Unstuck

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Joined
Jun 29, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Las Vegas
Hello ScatterBrain and Zombie. Thanks for your responses.
After reading Zombie's post I realized that the term 'delusion' has more of a negative connotation than I would like.

When I first started on this path thanks to a new vision, I would analyze actual certain thought processes that were causing problems, as in compelling me to say or do things that my logical conscious mind was telling me to stop, as in these actions flew in the face of a logic where I wouldn't want to make the worst possible impression on others as possible. It was as if there was something inside of me that hated my guts and wanted to beat me up for being alive. With time I identified the source of this self destructive behavior as delusional thinking.

Now, what is delusional thinking by the definition that I'm running with here.

A better name for "delusional thought" would be, "programming" of the subconscious mind, by the conscious mind.

This kind of 'programming' starts when we are babies and judge things to be pleasurable, or not, such as mommy's face, or hunger pains.

The baby experiences mommy's face, and if she isn't a raging psychopath, the baby is pleased. This pleasure associated with the face are 'programmed' into the subconscious mind, and until the 'mommy's face subroutine' is reprogrammed, when baby sees mommy, the subroutine in the program kicks in and baby is happy. This happening quicker than the conscious mind can conceive what's happening. Well, this happens in developed minds, I don't know that a baby's subconscious and conscious minds are as divided as they will be once the brain develops.

BTW... this is hypothesis on my part, so feel free to tell me where I may have left the track and am not speaking the truth.

This type of programming that a healthy person goes though is necessary to keep us from harm as we grow into human beings.

Where it goes wrong and sprouts the seeds of harmful delusions, is the same basic process of the conscious mind perceiving and judging something, then 'programming' the subconscious which basically believes anything it's told as if it were fact.

So, if someone tells you something negative about yourself in your developing years, or later, the subconscious mind picks up on that and writes a subroutine to the main 'program', that is constantly running, in which your self perception.

These tiny subroutines running in the subconscious define how you actually believe yourself to be. This, even if your perception has little to do with reality.

Our conscious minds constantly interact with the subconscious minds by running the subroutines of the subconscious mind, which in turn tell the conscious mind how to make us act, or function as the human being our self conscious believes us to be.

Like I said, the programming is necessary for us to act as individual humans.

'Negative' programming on very basic levels of judgement are the building blocks for actual delusions, which allow the self images formed by our subconscious to deviate from the truth, or what we actually are.

Before being enlightened, the image withing the self conscious was all that I could see. I was blind to reality thanks to being 'lied to' by subroutines that work together to build something negative, and false.

An example that comes to mind would be that of a person whose singing ability is bad enough to make dogs howl. The guy likes to sing and when he was a child his mother told him he sings like an angel, but maybe is tone deaf or has another reason for not being able to carry a tune. People who watch his catastrophic yowling see the joy in the person's face and tell him 'good job' when asked how he did.

The original programming that differed with reality may have been done by his mother. When others complement his singing, they add elements to the 'subroutines' in the subconscious, making things worse, so to speak.

This example illustrates how the 'delusions, programming, or whatever' are incorporated into the person's self image, which greatly differs from the Truth. I might get into it later, but the 'truth' is the main thing in life. I'm on a path to seek it out, and will be on that path until I pass from here to there. So, truth is good, delusion bad!

Boy, I'm rambling and probably lost most people who started reading this thing...

Anyway, when I said delusion, I meant untruthful programming that forms tiny subroutines that can attach themselves to other subroutines, making something more complicated and difficult to figure out. These subroutines make larger programs which in turn can attach themselves to other programs, leading to 'delusional' thinking and behavior.

If one can identify these larger delusions by being able to answer the question, "Why do I keep doing this, and why can't I stop?!" Then one can learn how to contemplate the delusion, take a close look at it, examine it, determine which other 'subroutines' built this monstrosity, then learn more and more about the building blocks of the problem, rather than attempt to attack the problem as a whole. I found that this was an impossibility... then I was enlightened and able to see the bits and pieces.

I believe that through meditation others can learn to break down the monsters into their component parts to the smallest elements, then control them, or eliminate them.

Now I almost look at BPD as a blessing in disguise, in that, BPD is a conglomerations of many other 'personality disorders' in that those of us with BPD, have monsters on top of monsters.

The blessing comes in, when one can see and distinguish the different monsters with time, as the process of wrecking the foundation comes into play.

As an example, I've been at this for three years, and only recently became open to being able to see my narcissistic traits... It was like seeing the tip of an iceberg when one day I realized that my feelings of accomplishment, when I've basically done nothing with my life, were not founded in reality.

That is a nasty iceberg I'm still chipping away at, but the end is in sight now that I've broken the the unfounded feelings of superiority to others to it's most basic part (as I now believe it to be) being a sense of self that is based on sadness. I'm not meditating this path and have learned that this tiny emotion in it's most basic level is so much a part of other negative emotions that couldn't exist without the basic element of sadness, such as feelings of loss, hate, anger...

If this is making any sense, great! If not, and you're still interested, ask questions or point me in the right direction and I'll try and make sense.
 
N

Nukelavee

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Location
London, ON
Have you been formally diagnosed with BPD?
 

Unstuck

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Jun 29, 2020
Messages
18
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Las Vegas
"Formally diagnosed" to have BPD... no. Throughout the years I've treated the mental health profession as a group of people I had no wish to allow to tinker with my mental demons, thinking myself smarter than they, probably thanks to the BPD. I also went out of my way to avoid such labels.

I didn't have to visit that many web sites related to BPD to honestly believe that "yes indeed this is MY problem" once I had that "well now, that makes a lot of sense" moment.

That said, sure, if anyone wishes to speculate on whether or not I ever had BPD, I'm not in a position to put up an argument proving anything either way. I can only say, there aren't that many things in life I'm 100% sure of, and this is one of 'em.

A couple of other things I can say with 100% certainty are that:
1. I wouldn't wish BPD on anyone.
2. I wouldn't trade where I'm at now, with where I was before the enlightenment for all the money in the world.

Before, I wished and prayed for one thing, and that thing was to be happy. Never found it before, now I'm a giggling chimp. Before, I use to think about doing myself serious and permanent harm on a regular basis, but could never quite cross the line, left feeling like even more of a suicide chump. Haven't had those thought a single time in the past three years, not even close. People look at me funny, probably thinking me selfish when I tell 'em "my main goal in life is to be as happy as possible." Even is it isn't always easy, but it's that thing at the end of the path I'll never see. The path just keeps going, but it isn't the destination, it's the journey.
 
Z

Zaz

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Sep 1, 2020
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I don't think there's a cure for any mental health issues you just learn to live with them better.
 
Prince of Cinders

Prince of Cinders

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Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
136
Location
Suffolk, VA
As far as I was told, there's no real "cure" per se. Supposedly, things such as cognitive therapy and/or medication can help mitigate things to some degree, depending on the severity of the issue, etc. It's effectiveness is of some personal debate, but it may work for you.
 
S

sab1978

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Canada
"Formally diagnosed" to have BPD... no. Throughout the years I've treated the mental health profession as a group of people I had no wish to allow to tinker with my mental demons, thinking myself smarter than they, probably thanks to the BPD. I also went out of my way to avoid such labels.

I didn't have to visit that many web sites related to BPD to honestly believe that "yes indeed this is MY problem" once I had that "well now, that makes a lot of sense" moment.

That said, sure, if anyone wishes to speculate on whether or not I ever had BPD, I'm not in a position to put up an argument proving anything either way. I can only say, there aren't that many things in life I'm 100% sure of, and this is one of 'em.

A couple of other things I can say with 100% certainty are that:
1. I wouldn't wish BPD on anyone.
2. I wouldn't trade where I'm at now, with where I was before the enlightenment for all the money in the world.

Before, I wished and prayed for one thing, and that thing was to be happy. Never found it before, now I'm a giggling chimp. Before, I use to think about doing myself serious and permanent harm on a regular basis, but could never quite cross the line, left feeling like even more of a suicide chump. Haven't had those thought a single time in the past three years, not even close. People look at me funny, probably thinking me selfish when I tell 'em "my main goal in life is to be as happy as possible." Even is it isn't always easy, but it's that thing at the end of the path I'll never see. The path just keeps going, but it isn't the destination, it's the journey.
Tell us more specifics about how you attained giggling chimp status.
 
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