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can anyone tell me why i feel like this? is this depression, scared!!

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sarahlou93

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Joined
Jan 15, 2015
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i am writing this on here is because i feel its easier to type on a computer rather than talk to someone. this feeling is so hard to explain...it all started off a few years ago where i felt 'depressed' at a young age and started self harming. why? i dont know, i try to block that part of my life out as much as i can so its hard for me to remember. during my school exams it all started again, i would have panic attacks and suffer real bad anxiety, i was always a worrier with very low self esteem and confidence due to tough childhood times. just when i thought i had everything under control i lost some friends and this hurt so much every single day. as time went on things started looking up i met my current boyfriend of 4 and a half years and coulfly be happier but always had the feeling inside me of hurt and sadness. around 2 years ago it all came flowing back maybe not as much as now. in the last couple of months id always feel sad especially at night id think on the past, all the bad times and negative thoughts all the time. in the last few weeks its gotten worse id cry all the time for no reason. i feel tired all the time and all i seem to do is sleep. im not happy in my job anymore and iv lost interest in things i used to love like going out with friends. i hate the way i look and feel like im letting friends etc down. i try so hard to hide my feelings and put a 'happy' face on but feel i cant anymore. the horrible feeling i though i could control is controlling me :(
 

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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Hi and :welcome: to the forum.

In my opinion it does sound a little bit like something is going on mentally.

Can I ask whether how you are feeling tends to be the worse during winter, when the nights are longer?

Marliee x
 
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sarahlou93

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Joined
Jan 15, 2015
Messages
3
Hi, not really no. for the last few months it come and goes unless something happens e.g money problems or an arguement or something along those lines and it all flares up again. It does happen mainly at night unless again something happens like a problem at work and i would cry and cry the whole way home. I thought maybe it happened mainly at night was because work took my mind of the negative thoughts and the sad feeling i would get.. i just dont know whats going on anymoe. :(
 
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