- Dec 21, 2020
- Tel Aviv
since this has been happening to me i cannot talk to anyone, tell anyone. i am in mania and disoriented...whenever i interact with someone this fake facade just acts, responds, talks--it actually doesn't sound manic most of the times, sounds pretty smart and coherent, sometimes really unpleasant and arrogant, weird, but always always has fooled anyone interacting with it that it is me, and that i am not manic, and that i am going through something tough, but not that i am incoherent, manic and out of control which is the truth. in the beginning i needed to tell someone because i needed help getting to safety, now after 12 years i am in a physically safe place. now i need to talk to someone because i cant seam to come out of it and someone else knowing, and acting accordingly i think would be the thing that changes that. but i can't...im trying to come out of it to some degree as much as i can so i can get to the point where i can talk to someone..someone who will be valildating to me, have the right things to say, understand what i am talking about...but to get to that place----i dont know how, i have no idea...im so alone and isolated for so long...i dont know how..i just keep going and try to hold on...