• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

can anyone help?

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loonatoon

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
21
Location
Leeds
hey my name's Bex

This is pretty hard for me to do. I've recently gone to the drs about depression as I have noticed myself go into a big black hole recently and negative thoughts wont stop whizzing around in my head.

I've been doing alot of reading over the subject as I didnt really know what I have got, but I know its not normal as Ive started avoiding friends, thinking of suicide, doing impulsive things like running up 15k on credit cards, quitting my job in a recession, then buying a mini on finance.....

saying that outloud has just made me realise i need an answer

somedays im so happy and i can see things in a positive light, im inspired by my friends who exercise regularly and take me swimming with them. I even make plans to go to the cinema or go for lunch....

other nights like this im sat here thinking nobody understands, my friends just think 'everyone has their down days' and ill snap out of it. i feel so lost and i dont know where to go.

am i being over dramatic? is this depression or could it be bipolar?
if anyone wants to chat, that would be great

Bex X
 
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rasselas

Guest
...

hello there.

you'll get a number of replies. then you can make your own mind up.

i always find it very difficult to advise people what to do when it comes to approaching psychiatry. you must understand that they have tremendous power. and you may not end with the diagnosis you were banking on or even agree with. and it can take many, many years to have that first diagnosis changed (it took me over 10, to get it from schizophrenia to bipolar).

and even if you do get a diagnosis that you agree with. well, then come the pills - and believe me, they can bring their own kind of suffering...

and then there is the stigmatisation of the diagnosis... eomployers, insurance, friends, family - every relation from thereon is subtly or dramatically affected.

and then. well. like i say, these all need to be considered. depending on where you live and your financial circumstances you might want to consider making a first approach to a consultant or treatment service that is independent of the nhs (it's certainly what most nhs mental health staff do when they ahve mental health difficulties - a fact which i hope indicates to you the seriousness of the stigma we're dealing with here...)

but from what you've described and the fact you're here you must be at the end of your tether, and i think you must know you can't go on suffering, and need some respite.

i hope my contribution gives you food for thought. hang on in there because others will have different perspectives too.

take care.
 
L

loonatoon

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
21
Location
Leeds
thank you so much for your reply.

I know I have to be more forward with the way i am feeling because it was too quick just to be handed some antidepressants and if anything I am feeling worse.

I have always been an up and down person and always avoided seeking help due to the stigma and seeing what my Dad went through with his work when he had manic depression.

I also don't want to be judged and labelled but I am getting desperate because I feel I am throwing away my life, I can never plan too far ahead because I never know how I am going to feel the next hour/day/week.

I guess what I am looking for on here is support and to learn from others how to deal with overcoming such problems. Do you ever feel like you're over analysing everything and your head just might burst?

Thanks for listening x
 
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rasselas

Guest
...

i think my posts speak volumes about my, to put it politely, eccentric mental state!

over-analysis! crikey, not arf!

any analysis always feels like under-analysis!

this is great at times. can be very useful! however, i think you will understand when i say it can also end up digging you in, getting you nowhere.

i'm still learning myself to be honest about how to master these energies, or become the master of them. i think the main thing is not to be frightened, to look for the patterns that things are going awry, and doing what you can to prevent things from being overwhelming.

often just expressing yourself, unloading, does the trick. you know, loosens the pressure that's built up.
 
L

loonatoon

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
21
Location
Leeds
Its nice to know you know what I am going on about!

I am finding keeping a mood diary is helping. its amazing the difference over 24 hours though its like 2 different people are writing.

I hope we can both master the feelings as I know over-analysing is getting me nowhere quickly!

I will have to read some of your posts
 
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rasselas

Guest
...

you know, theyve been on at me to do a mood diary for some time now. i think because of some of my experiences of mh services its understandably left me feeling a bit jaded about some things. but yes i know what you mean. i write a lot and i wonder sometimes even after a short intermission how on earth i came up with such things. when i'm going up i can also get a bit obsessed with finding the humour in a situation - which can land me in all sorts of pickles.

the changeability is very tiring, as you know. sometimes to the point of exhaustion.
 
L

loonatoon

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
21
Location
Leeds
I am exhausted!

tired of the unknown and trying to come across as normal at work, its bloody hard work!

some days i dont feel like smiling and staying in bed feels so much safer but that wont pay the debt that ive racked up by going on massive spending sprees,

one day im crying on the phone to debt helplines the next i think its perfectly fine to go and spend 200 quid on clothes because it makes me happy, or does it?

what are MH services? I am getting to know all the abreviations slowly on here.... I just did it because I wanted to try and spot a pattern in order to help myself. Im impatient!
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

actually the best way anyone can protect their mental health is with: sleep...

:sleep::sleep::sleep::sleep::sleep:
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

well...

i have this problem with the idea that all irresponsible spending is a symptom of mania...

i mean... there must be many more millions of manic people if thats always true!

debt though is something i would never worry too much about... in the sense of, it's only money... and the bankers never really worry, even when they bankrupt the nation, you never really see them looking worried...

that's flippant i know...

MH is shorthand for mental health

but, manic or not, materialism doesnt really confer happiness on anyone - i mean, its mostly about the fantasy... you imagine the product, you imagine owning it... you get the product, the anticipation rises... you put the product on or place it somewhere in your home etc... and - very rapidly - the pleasure has gone, the high is over - its a very transitory and insubstantial way of filling the emptiness, if thats what its for...

it is unfulfilling...

although... i mean, im no buddhist monk myself and there are some items i wouldnt do without... although if it came to the crunch...

i have this void within me... most of my attempts to fill it have probably worsened it in the long term...

i think i have now sort of grown to accept it, even the pain and sadness it brings... to accept it all...
 
L

loonatoon

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
21
Location
Leeds
that big void you talk of, i feel like something's missing too....

Ive never been able to hold down relationships and feel I attract the wrong type over and over again so I have given up.

I don't know if I would be content in a relationship anyway as I am sure more problems such as paranoia and over analysing would mess that up too!

I'm not excusing the spending but it does make me feel temporaily happy, its not called retail therapy for nothing. I just seem to go to extremes though, looking for a fix to a much bigger problem.

I honestly dont know what would make me happy. I am always looking for more!
 
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