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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Can anyone help?

A

angie_34

New member
Joined
Oct 17, 2009
Messages
4
Well i dont know where to start.... I was severely sexually, emotionally and physically abused by various relatives including my mother from the age of 4 to 13 years old! I see myself has damaged goods really!

Last month I was admmitted to my local mh unit ... I volunteered myself as i didnt feel connected to myself.... ie, I basically felt like a pair of eyes to my body and the/my body felt numb and in pain... Its almost like i dont recognise my external me if that makes sense... anyway i stayed on the unit for six days.... and it was the longest 6 days of my life... well thats what it felt like... Im a mother of two, a teenager and my son, a 13 year age gap between them! Anyway whilst inside that's how i class it felt like i'd been inprisioned/jail... I missed them my children badly... and i cried badly after they'd come and visit me!

All my life I've been secretly scared of the term Mental Illness.... Lookin back to when i was a child i remember watching my mother and as an adult now i would class her as displaying an extreme form of mental illness...... To be honest me as an adult doesnt want my children to be scared of my mental health issues which I have so the professionals say. However compared to my dysfunctional family my children havent witnessed or taken part in any kind of abuse... but I dont want them to see me displaying odd behaviours and internalising this into their behaviour.

Going back to my experience when i was admitted.... Yeah... i had strong feeling of being scared beyond belief to be sharing a room with people that were mentally ill..... But something happened that I was surprised about!!!! All my life i'd been afraid of the mentally ill.... and now i was face to face with them.... I discovered that many were in fact more intuned with themselves and had high IQ levels... I spent most of my time there.... listening to various subjects.... and i was truely amazed what i heard!!!

Anyway since leaving hospital I've had appointment with my local mh crisis team which has been fairly useful.... but i was left feeling disappointed with the service. I'm seeing a psychiatrist every three weeks now... the last time i saw him he mentioned that i rapidy jumped from one person to the other and suggested that had a form of split personality..... I'm supposed to be seeing him again this week.... Over the last three weeks on bad days for me I've been keeping a diary... i've been disturbed what i've discovered about myself which i didnt realise before.... Ive always known the I had a six year old version of me inside me and with psychotherapy it helped to heal her/my wounds but psychotherapy as a plaster didn't work for long..... I've also got my 34 yr old married woman which is me as an adult.... and then i've got a male person in me... i dont know him.... but he's agressive, demonic, and swears at me and puts me down... this is a new dimension to my character/me.... which scares the shit out of me.... I'm aware when i drift rapidly into the 6 yr old but when he pushes me to the side i have no control at all and almost go blank.... so im aware about 50 per cent!!!! does this make sense to anybody? Is there anyone else on this forum have a third person who is new? I'm just thinking was he always there but I'd been unaware of him?

I'd also be interested in finding out a way to get rid of him and then merging my six yr old to the adult me! I'm open to all suggestions.


Thanks for taking the time to read this...... I just felt that I just needed to give you abit of an insight into me!

Angie x
 
A

angie_34

New member
Joined
Oct 17, 2009
Messages
4
Well i dont know where to start.... I was severely sexually, emotionally and physically abused by various relatives including my mother from the age of 4 to 13 years old! I see myself has damaged goods really!

Last month I was admmitted to my local mh unit ... I volunteered myself as i didnt feel connected to myself.... ie, I basically felt like a pair of eyes to my body and the/my body felt numb and in pain... Its almost like i dont recognise my external me if that makes sense... anyway i stayed on the unit for six days.... and it was the longest 6 days of my life... well thats what it felt like... Im a mother of two, a teenager and my son, a 13 year age gap between them! Anyway whilst inside that's how i class it felt like i'd been inprisioned/jail... I missed them my children badly... and i cried badly after they'd come and visit me!

All my life I've been secretly scared of the term Mental Illness.... Lookin back to when i was a child i remember watching my mother and as an adult now i would class her as displaying an extreme form of mental illness...... To be honest me as an adult doesnt want my children to be scared of my mental health issues which I have so the professionals say. However compared to my dysfunctional family my children havent witnessed or taken part in any kind of abuse... but I dont want them to see me displaying odd behaviours and internalising this into their behaviour.

Going back to my experience when i was admitted.... Yeah... i had strong feeling of being scared beyond belief to be sharing a room with people that were mentally ill..... But something happened that I was surprised about!!!! All my life i'd been afraid of the mentally ill.... and now i was face to face with them.... I discovered that many were in fact more intuned with themselves and had high IQ levels... I spent most of my time there.... listening to various subjects.... and i was truely amazed what i heard!!!

Anyway since leaving hospital I've had appointment with my local mh crisis team which has been fairly useful.... but i was left feeling disappointed with the service. I'm seeing a psychiatrist every three weeks now... the last time i saw him he mentioned that i rapidy jumped from one person to the other and suggested that had a form of split personality..... I'm supposed to be seeing him again this week.... Over the last three weeks on bad days for me I've been keeping a diary... i've been disturbed what i've discovered about myself which i didnt realise before.... Ive always known the I had a six year old version of me inside me and with psychotherapy it helped to heal her/my wounds but psychotherapy as a plaster didn't work for long..... I've also got my 34 yr old married woman which is me as an adult.... and then i've got a male person in me... i dont know him.... but he's agressive, demonic, and swears at me and puts me down... this is a new dimension to my character/me.... which scares the shit out of me.... I'm aware when i drift rapidly into the 6 yr old but when he pushes me to the side i have no control at all and almost go blank.... so im aware about 50 per cent!!!! does this make sense to anybody? Is there anyone else on this forum have a third person who is new? I'm just thinking was he always there but I'd been unaware of him?

I'd also be interested in finding out a way to get rid of him and then merging my six yr old to the adult me! I'm open to all suggestions.


Thanks for taking the time to read this...... I just felt that I just needed to give you abit of an insight into me!

Angie x

Hi, It seems that my thread has created more views than actual replies! Why is this? I hope I haven't offended anyone... with my opinions:cry:
 
trombone_babe

trombone_babe

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Messages
1,191
Location
Kent
Hi, I'm sure you won't have offended anyone here, we've all gone through some real rubbish times. I, for one, read your post but don't feel I have the right experience to be able to offer any advice, not having suffered from any sort of split personality. I'm sure there will be someone here who has, who will be able to offer some advice. In the meantime the rest of us can just listen if it helps.

Sorry I can't do more for you.
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
Hi there, I have heard of the term 'split personality', but I am not familiar with the 'real life' effects as you describe in your post. I admit to finding some of what you talk about to be quite alarming, goodness knows how you begin to deal with it. Obviously you need professional help, but we are here for you if you need to talk. There is also a section where you can keep a diary of sorts which might be helpful to you too.
Keep posting, take care and of course :welcome:

QF.
 
A

angie_34

New member
Joined
Oct 17, 2009
Messages
4
Thanks for both of your replies, very reassuring! I've always thought split personality and borderline personality disorder was the same :confused: I might look both terms up and see.

I've been prescribed fluxotine 20mg twice a day and promazine 25mg upto 6x per day.... if i'm having a bad day. I dont know about anyone else... but in the past i suffered from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and took anti-depressants for years to help it.... About three months ago I was weaned of Citalopram and put on Fluxotine... which in my opinion had made me worse... now i suffer from rapid mood swings the works and the hearing a male voice is the cherry on the cake to be honest. Seeing the psch again on friday... will be going prepared this time with my questions written down before hand!

Im also gonna browse round other forums on here.... It could be that I've posted my thread in the wrong forum :unsure:

Angie
 
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