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Can anyone help???



New member
Jul 30, 2009

Hello all. I'm new to this so thanks for your patience.

I'm nearly 40 and have not long come out of a very destructive relationship of 11 years. There was domestic violence and a general undermining of my self esteem.
What was originally fear turned into loathing, but I stayed out of routine and also because on the few times i did leave, I would be followed about and begged to take him back which eventually wore me down and so we got back together. I finally left last year, after much help from good friends who convinced me I was better than him and I COULD be on my own.
I met someone else, but I wanted to take it slowly because of what I'd been through before. But the trouble is that, although my new bloke is absolutely fantastic and wouldn't hurt a hair on my head, I feel very down and unable to cope very well with anything. I have started taking anti-depressants because I find it hard to be happy.
Everything is going well for me now, but I get the hump if my new bloke talks about his ex wives or any other woman he might have dated. I blame him if something I may have planned goes wrong, even though its nothing to do with him. I'm scared I will lose him if I keep being like this and that's the last thing I want, but I dont know how to stop being unhappy and so jealous. I try to talk to him about it, but unless you have similar feelings, it's hard to understand

Can anyone help me please???



Well-known member
Jul 23, 2009
Living in a world of hell for so long and finally escaping, you have found something in your new boyfriend. It's natural that you want to cling on to happyness when you have only known unhappyness.

I think you should keep an open mind about your new boyfriend, don't fall head over heels for him straight away, you may set yourself up for a downfall. That might sound overly negative but I'm just trying to say keep your head clear, so you don't fall into the trap of confusing lust for love.

Have you tried seeing a psychologist or similar to talk about your past? You may still need to find some closure on your previous relationship, I think it would do you some good.


New member
Jul 30, 2009
Hi Gray

Yes I have spoken to people and that was one of the reasons I finally realised I needed to get out of my last relationship. I am lucky that I have a good network of people who dont mind if I repeat myself moaning about my ex and sometimes my new bloke, but its nice to get an outsiders view of the problem.

I have adopted a theory that I should just take each day as it comes and see what happens. I dont plan too far ahead, so as to avoid disappointment.

Thanks for the advice
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