Can Anyone help....?

[Elysium]

Can Anyone help....?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi.

I'm new to the forum and just really wanted to chat to likeminded people. I have been diagnosed with OCD. I strongly suspect I have depression and ADD and have read up on the above. I also suspect I have an eating disorder as I have always been overweight and have always binge and comfort eaten I have received CBT for the OCD and was on antidepressants for nearly 2 years, but came off them about a year or so ago because I felt a bit better, and as I was due to start a new course I thought "new start" etc. I have also received private counselling over the years in fits and starts, and am currently undergoing this. I was physically and mentally abused by my father as a child and was again physically and mentally bullied up to the age of 18 at school. My parents split up when I was 12.

I have had opportunities in my life yes; I am a graduate and have just completed a teacher-training course. However, the accreditation of my teaching award itself hangs in the balance because of a dispute with the university I attended.

I still live with my mother as I have never been able to commit to a job long enough to be independently financially stable. I have worked for most of the time since I was 18 in various sectors; retail, office work, charity work. I also did voluntary work when I was younger.

I have what can only be described as a "social phobia". I am fearful of people and situations, and spend my whole life walking on eggshells so that I don't upset people and thus spend ages agonising over why I upset them and feeling bad.

I don't feel that my mother understands my situation at all and I get the impression she just thinks i'm "being lazy" and "workshy", especially as my (now deceased) father was. (Although I am certain he had the same problems as I have). Money is very tight and she relies on me to contribute. I understand this, but I have told her to i'm blue in the face that it's not that i don't want to work, it's that I can't (because of my issues). She just sees the monetary side, and expects me to go out and find a job. Benefits are not really an option as they would not pay enough. I have been told by her that unless I contribute we will both be homeless soon.

I have tried all I can; I sought the help of a counsellor again, which as I have said before I am currently attending. My mother even attended with me, but it turned into more of an accusation match than anything. I have even seriously contemplated setting up my own business so that I could bring in the much needed income, whilst avoiding the social "issue". This however, takes time, and capital. I am going to go back to the doctor to see if I can go back onto the antidepressants. I am wary however, because I know just how drowsy they made me before.

My mind flits from one thing to another; I cannot concentrate on anything and become bored so easily. I have no interest in anything. All I want to do is sleep; because there I do not have to deal with all the c**p going on. I am always bursting into tears which just invites "hard" comments such as "what you crying for??" from my mother.

My mother and I are at loggerheads; we used to be so close, but now that's gone. I also feel I cannot forgive her for not believing me and my condition; especially as it has gone on for so long now. My father, as I said before, has passed away, and we were never close anyway because of the abuse I suffered as a child. I have no brothers or sisiters. I have friends yes, and one or two I have had for life. They do not know about my conditions as I put up the "facade" so common with mental health issues. I am afraid that if I told them then I would lose them too.

I so want to sort all this out; to lead a "normal" life. There is a history of mental illness on my father's side and my relatives there; (who I have nothing to do with beacuse of a dispute over my father's funeral), are all signed off with mental illness. I do not want that kind of life. I want to be successful; which I believe I can be - if only I can get the support I need.

At the moment I feel isolated and incredibly lonely.

I am sorry if this sounds like a sob-story; it is not meant as one - it's literally how I feel.
Also sorry it's so long.

I just wondered if anyone could offer me any advice?

Thanks

 

[Libra1]

Hi Elysium and to MHF we are here 24/7

Firstly I am sending you a as life is not easy for you at the moment. Unfortuneately I know very little about OCD so apologise, but hang tight someone will be along shortly that will.

I am unable to help or diagnose what your probs/illness is, only your own doctor can do that. Why don't you print off your post and take it along to your next appointment with him/her.

Hope to chat again shortly

 

[daffy]

Hi Elysium and welcome.

You do seem a bit low at the moment. Have you opened up to your counsellor about your true feelings. I know its difficult but you may be suprised once you start how easy is it.

I understand the social anxiety thing as ive been diagnosed as having AvPD (avoidance personality disorder) which basically means apart from being socially anxious i avoid situations completly. I rarely socalise and will only go to certains shops where i feel safe and only about twice a year can i shop in the city centre but must be accompanied.

When people that cant understand this fear, the way i explain the terror is to ask them 'if you had to eat a box full of slugs and worms (or something equally nasty) before you could get outside, would you be happy to do that'

I know how silly it sounds, but for me socialising is just as bad. It is very difficult for others to accept how frightening something so simple can be. This is why i say talk it over with your counsellor, Im sure she will have heard similar things b4 and be able to give you some advice.

Good luck

 

[companion]

Hi Elysium. I notice that you posted this thread back in June and I only joined the site yesterday (31st July 08) so I hope that you are feeling a little better in yourself at the moment.

I can not imagine how hard things have been for you, and when other people just do not seem to understand or even recognise your difficulties it can make things feel even worse. I remember when I was going through depression I felt incredibly alone, but equally I felt i deserved to be. Its a very hard place to be.

I too have social anxiety which has been an issue for me for over 10 years and it means that I find it difficult to talk to people and making friends. The internet provides me with a safe space where I can just be me, as i suspect it does you. I remember when I was reading about Social Phobia that it is a fear of being judged negatively by others: by its very nature it means that seeking help is made much harder, because you feel that you are being judged negatively. It means that people with this avoid any situation where they may be judged.

I think you have done really well with the studying towards making a positive difference to other peoples lives. Its a great quality and one that sounds like it comes naturally to you. I know you are in dispute with the univeristy, but stick with it, because it is worth the fight.

I do have some understanding of OCD, becuase I am currently a student social worker (not qualified like yourself yet). So if I can be of any assistance to you or you feel that you need to talk then I hope that you can count me in to your list of contacts. I may not know the answers, but I do have the contacts and books etc.

Good Luck Elysium, I hope you are feeling better since you posted this.

Regards,

Companion.

 

[homegirl]

Hi Elysium
I have just joined the forum and slowly going through some of the postings on here.
I have read your posting with interest. You are obviously a very intelligent lady.
Firstly, I am sorry that you feel so low. As you posted in June you may now be feeling a lot better and things might have changed for you, hopefully in a positive way.
I dont know you, but I wondered if it is possible for you to do private tuition to help you make a living.
I can understand your mum's frustration because you are not contributing to the household and with the way the cost of living is shooting up it must be a very anxious time for her.
Your mum probably feels very anxious for the way things are in your life and she could be wondering what will happen to you should she pass away. She must be feeling very upset inside.
Why are benefits not a option? I would have thought that any amount of money gained honestly would be helpful.
You said that you may be able to start your own business but it takes capital. If you were on benefits I am sure the jobcentre would give you help support and advice on this.
I have suffered with mental health problems a long time, I look back and know that my mum must have been very worried about me.
The problem is your mum is looking at you physically and probably sees a young, physically healthy young girl and she is probably getting older and thinking why is she carrying the burden when the younger people in the family should be taking on some of the load.
I think, if you havent done so, do what somebody else suggested and that is print off your posting and take it to your gp.
I think you desperately need help, not just for you but for your mum too.
Mum's and Dad's always get bad press about what they do and dont do. But I dont think your mum is unreasonable in what she is saying - but pressure needs to come from somewhere for you to get the help and support you really need.
I know I havent been of much use to you.
But I hope you are ok and I hope you can start to find help and support.
Is there a support group anywhere in your area? If so, perhaps you could join it. Maybe MIND or some other MH group could help you.

 

[johnny ashton]

Hello all
social phobias was my biggest obstacle to overcome .
I was a very severe stuttter and i hated using the phone ,meeting people ,having people in my home and so on .
How i accomplished a better life was to toughen my attitude up ,i was very shy ,if anyone crossed me id always fighht through not being able to speak .
You have to start to change your attitude and start using eye contact when speaking to people (never look away ).
i also started to learn to love who i was ,
Take the leap and start being stronger in your approach to life .if i told you whats happened to me you,d faint ,lol
1 Life 1 chance ,start by facing your fears and expand your comfort zones .
Take care
Johnny