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Can Anyone help....?



New member
Jun 20, 2008

I'm new to the forum and just really wanted to chat to likeminded people. I have been diagnosed with OCD. I strongly suspect I have depression and ADD and have read up on the above. I also suspect I have an eating disorder as I have always been overweight and have always binge and comfort eaten I have received CBT for the OCD and was on antidepressants for nearly 2 years, but came off them about a year or so ago because I felt a bit better, and as I was due to start a new course I thought "new start" etc. I have also received private counselling over the years in fits and starts, and am currently undergoing this. I was physically and mentally abused by my father as a child and was again physically and mentally bullied up to the age of 18 at school. My parents split up when I was 12.

I have had opportunities in my life yes; I am a graduate and have just completed a teacher-training course. However, the accreditation of my teaching award itself hangs in the balance because of a dispute with the university I attended.

I still live with my mother as I have never been able to commit to a job long enough to be independently financially stable. I have worked for most of the time since I was 18 in various sectors; retail, office work, charity work. I also did voluntary work when I was younger.

I have what can only be described as a "social phobia". I am fearful of people and situations, and spend my whole life walking on eggshells so that I don't upset people and thus spend ages agonising over why I upset them and feeling bad.

I don't feel that my mother understands my situation at all and I get the impression she just thinks i'm "being lazy" and "workshy", especially as my (now deceased) father was. (Although I am certain he had the same problems as I have). Money is very tight and she relies on me to contribute. I understand this, but I have told her to i'm blue in the face that it's not that i don't want to work, it's that I can't (because of my issues). She just sees the monetary side, and expects me to go out and find a job. Benefits are not really an option as they would not pay enough. I have been told by her that unless I contribute we will both be homeless soon.

I have tried all I can; I sought the help of a counsellor again, which as I have said before I am currently attending. My mother even attended with me, but it turned into more of an accusation match than anything. I have even seriously contemplated setting up my own business so that I could bring in the much needed income, whilst avoiding the social "issue". This however, takes time, and capital. I am going to go back to the doctor to see if I can go back onto the antidepressants. I am wary however, because I know just how drowsy they made me before.

My mind flits from one thing to another; I cannot concentrate on anything and become bored so easily. I have no interest in anything. All I want to do is sleep; because there I do not have to deal with all the c**p going on. I am always bursting into tears which just invites "hard" comments such as "what you crying for??" from my mother.

My mother and I are at loggerheads; we used to be so close, but now that's gone. I also feel I cannot forgive her for not believing me and my condition; especially as it has gone on for so long now. My father, as I said before, has passed away, and we were never close anyway because of the abuse I suffered as a child. I have no brothers or sisiters. I have friends yes, and one or two I have had for life. They do not know about my conditions as I put up the "facade" so common with mental health issues. I am afraid that if I told them then I would lose them too.

I so want to sort all this out; to lead a "normal" life. There is a history of mental illness on my father's side and my relatives there; (who I have nothing to do with beacuse of a dispute over my father's funeral), are all signed off with mental illness. I do not want that kind of life. I want to be successful; which I believe I can be - if only I can get the support I need.

At the moment I feel isolated and incredibly lonely.

I am sorry if this sounds like a sob-story; it is not meant as one - it's literally how I feel.
Also sorry it's so long.

I just wondered if anyone could offer me any advice?

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I think the most important thing here is u need 2 get out of your currant situation, living with your mother its not helping u @ all, i'm sure there r others who can help with finding somewhere 2 live n how 2 manage, but i will tell u from experience i had 2 go through the homeless route, because i couldnt handle living with my folks, when i had my breakdown, honestly it wasnt the most desirable situation but @ least i didnt have the emotional pressure @ the time, u may b telling your mum 4 ever more n she may never understand mh. best wishes jd:hug:
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