• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Can anyone give advice for 91 year old mom out of control

I

Italian Stallion

Active member
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Dallas
Hi there i'm from Dallas, TX.. i'm not sure how to talk to people on here but i'm kind of lost on what to do about my 91 year old mom who i have been a caregiver for seems for ever but steady for the past 3 years. She attached me Sept. 13th out of the blue. She is in final stage kidney disease and i believe she has dementia but last year she mentally abused me and the hospital said after they gave her a questions test she didn't have it.. This year she attacked me physically and mentally can't seem to find any help. Police only threaten to take me in when called today, she won't let me in the house anymore and cancelled all doctors appointments.Police are no help and don't want to hear about it. HELP who do i call?
 
K

Keesha

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
1,754
Location
N/A
Call the police again. Make them listen. Its actually quite common for people with dementia to start to become aggressive and unpredictable. Old people get mini and micro strokes that they might not even know they’ve had which can greatly affect their personality. Since their cognitive ability is going, they start becoming fearful and sometimes are in total denial about their situation.

Your mom needs a capacity test done and quite often having an incident like this is the push she needs. Once people become a danger to themselves or others, they need to be put in a safe place meaning you should no longer be caring for her. There are specialized trained people who care for people like this and the right type of facilities.

When you call the police next time, tell them that you have a senior citizen who is a danger to herself and others. I went through the exact same thing with my parents last year. My dad was 90 and started getting abusive.

When you call, ask for a report number and keep it on file. Talk until you get someone to listen. Your mom might be put into hospital until a nursing home becomes available.
Are you her POA? If not you might want to do that before she gets registered. People can help you with that.
 
I

Italian Stallion

Active member
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Dallas
Thank you, but the Police told me today if i call them again they will arrest me. They said they are tired of coming out to mom's house. I don't think they care because on Sept 13th first call i told them she was a threat to herself and even threatened to kill me. I think they don't care because they said.."well i can see your accepting her final stage" all because of her age and i was crying. We have some sorry cops in my town because they won't even write reports. I went last week to get a copy of Police reports and they said there were none, just call notes they are suppose to email me. Still haven't gotten those either.
 
I

Italian Stallion

Active member
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Dallas
And no i am no longer POA.. I was for many years but when mom got sick early last year with her kidneys she dissolved my POA. I didn't find out to late last year.
 
Ladyfair

Ladyfair

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 12, 2020
Messages
979
Location
USA
Hi Welcome! I'm so sorry maybe a social worker or care worker. Can her Dr give you advice or information?
 
I

Italian Stallion

Active member
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Dallas
Thanks Taffy..another thing, for some reason my mom wants to take me down in her current state of mind.. she keeps telling police i run by there (to her home) and throw her up against the wall and stomp on her.. I would NEVER do that to mom or anyone and if i did she couldn't get back up.. The police felt something seemed wrong and one of the cops went to her doctor and her doctor told the police officer on the 24th of Sept. my mom is mentally unstable/mentally challenged . I have asked for letters from the doctors office with no response from the nurses. In person the doctor told me he would do what it takes to get her help but has done nothing. Even her kidney doctor would not return my call after calling 5 times. The kidney doctors nurse said she would tell him and page him each time. Still no help from either doctor. Besides a hospital where would i find a social worker? Last year mom was in the hospital 8 times, each time especially last Oct. they all wanted/suggest a nursing home. I live in fear now.. i mean what Police officer is going to believe her one of these times? I didn't see her for a full month and still didn't but to see her in the door way when i was driving off. She is delusional and She had weird hallucinations last year and i think thats what it is now too.
 
Rex Smith

Rex Smith

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2020
Messages
478
Location
San Diego
Lock her in a room. Get yourself nice set of headphones and relax.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
10,676
Location
UK
Hi Italian Stallion,

So sorry to hear what you're going through. I care for my mum (she's five years younger than yours) and her mood swings are very hard to cope with, sometimes.

You mentioned failing kidneys with your mum...elderly people can become extremely aggressive and irrational with kidney infections so this might be something to discuss with her doctor/health team. I had to get antibiotics arranged for my mum last week because she was volatile and verbally vicious...it was a kidney infection.

Might be an idea to press 'record' on whatever device you have at home to capture the worst moments with your mum (phone or ipad you can set down without suspicion.) This gives you evidence for a medical team and also corroborates your difficulties with her.

I know how hard it is, caring for someone who is spitting hatred at you. I'm fortunate to still have more good days than bad with my mum but it can really hurt and make you feel isolated. Please keep talking to us here - there a few carers on the forum that can relate to everything you're saying.

Sending you lots of love. You're not alone xxx
 
I

Italian Stallion

Active member
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Dallas
Hi Lunar Lady! Thank you so much for telling me about your mum, sounds so similar to what i have gone thru these past few years. I am so touched by your words and everyone who has walked me thru this so for.

Last year when my mom went mentally out of control on me it HURT so bad i went crying and running to our/her neighbors house for help the neighbor lady (been neighbors for 45 years) she witnessed what was going on . My mom was bed ridden at that time due to recovering from a surgery a couple of months before.

So last year I called an ambulance and the Police came too; my mom would not leave her house and would not even think of a hospital visit. She was out of control but the Police and fire department took me outside and told me i couldn't do anything without a Power of Attorney. My mom had dissolved the POA without my knowledge a year or so before. She did this because her sister was in a nursing home and she seen many things there she didn't like at that nursing home.

But last year in Oct. 2019 It took me a few days/nights to talk my mom into going to her favorite hospital across town, i cried to her begging her to go get checked out and she finally said "If you get your head checked out i will too" I agreed and took her at 3 AM in the morning. I didn't want to give her a chance to change her mind. Well she was full of poison/toxins from her kidneys and had a a very bad UTI infection. It took them 10 IV bags of medicine over 6 days to get her cleaned out. She wouldn't talk to me or the social worker at the hospital without cursing us until the 7th day. The social worker wanted to put her in a home but i said no i will take her back home where she is the happiest and take care of her. They also found out mom was in her 1st stage of dementia

I lived at my mom's house all 2019 because of her failing health... and i have a house 3 miles away from mom. i'm her only family member left and i have lost my wife many years ago to a failed heart surgery so i have no one or any help with this to know my next step.

I think this year it could be the same medical problem, only thing different this year is she got physical with me and worse on the mental abuse. When i tried to visit her this past Sunday a cousin we haven't seen in 24 years answered my mom's door and called the Police and told the Police i was trying to knock down the door.. WOW this cousin is a liar... the front door was wide open and all i did was rang the door bell once. Thank God i had asked a neighbor to come to the front door with me because he witnessed what i did and what was said by me and my cousin. i was warned by the Police to never try to see my mom again. The Police told me apparently my mom had mental issues after speaking with her... How can the Police do that? I have been with my mom for many many years taking care of her..... I wish i could forget all this but i can't right now. I am not even allowed on her street now.. WOW... My hands are tied to not being able to help her or see her. I am looking for the right attorney

OH funny thing about my nick name here. I am a Rocky Balboa "The Italian Stallion" fan from the Rocky movies so i tried to get the nickname of Rocky but it was taken so i choose "The Italian Stallion" because of the movies and i boxed and played sports growing up. LOL

Thank you again nice Lady and its nice to hear i'm not the only one going thru very tough times with our moms and family

Sorry this was so long.. have a good day/evening
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
5,203
Location
Nashua NH
Call the police again. Make them listen. Its actually quite common for people with dementia to start to become aggressive and unpredictable. Old people get mini and micro strokes that they might not even know they’ve had which can greatly affect their personality. Since their cognitive ability is going, they start becoming fearful and sometimes are in total denial about their situation.

Your mom needs a capacity test done and quite often having an incident like this is the push she needs. Once people become a danger to themselves or others, they need to be put in a safe place meaning you should no longer be caring for her. There are specialized trained people who care for people like this and the right type of facilities.

When you call the police next time, tell them that you have a senior citizen who is a danger to herself and others. I went through the exact same thing with my parents last year. My dad was 90 and started getting abusive.

When you call, ask for a report number and keep it on file. Talk until you get someone to listen. Your mom might be put into hospital until a nursing home becomes available.
Are you her POA? If not you might want to do that before she gets registered. People can help you with that.
AGREED
 
I

Italian Stallion

Active member
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Dallas
Been down that road to the Police; they are rude in this town and they really don't want to mess with my mom's mental health. The Police told me this past Sunday they are tired of my mom calling and will arrest me if i go to her house again. I won't ever go back to her house now because i've got to think of myself first now and my failing health.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,926
Location
London, ON
I think you should try again to get her doctors on board about this, ie, helping you get some documentation together to present to the police.

I'm in Canada, so I'm uncertain of the legalities and such in Texas. Rather than calling the police, could you call EMT's to do a wellness check, and let them know she may be suffering dementia?

If she's suffering kidney failure of some sort, and not getting care, that could serve as the excuse to check on her. Also - reduced kidney or liver function can not only kill you, it can seriously damage the brain, making her dementia even worse.
Lock her in a room. Get yourself nice set of headphones and relax.
And this is why I don't take your claims of being a decent person seriously.
 
I

Italian Stallion

Active member
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Dallas
Thank you for this; well here in Texas the fire department runs the ambulances and they have been out and won't do anything but check her out. They tell me without a POA i'm out of luck unless she voluntary goes to the hospital.

My mom's doctor is also my doctor. The doctor helped me out that one day telling the Police officer my mom is mentally unstable and mentally challenged and that was suppose to be inserted on her Police file with address and her name. Apparently the officer didn't do what he told me cause the Police ran me off Sunday. The doctor hasn't come thru to help me like he said he would on Sept 15th, 2020. I have been back up there to his office 4 times.. I have no idea why he didn't... he's been her doctor for 8 years.

Get this >> mom's long lost no good niece showed up after 24 years (I know something serious is wrong with my mom's brain because mom hates this gal) she is nothing but trouble all her life....but when this niece found out how bad my mom is. She has since taken my mom and my mom's house over and has even changed my mom's door locks so i can't get in. This week she changed my mom's doctor because her doctor had stated to the Police my mom was mentally unstable.

Summary: she's hoping to steal my mom's house and everything else from me in the end.

I have an appointment this week with a criminal attorney because what my mom's niece is doing is criminal and unethical.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,926
Location
London, ON
I have an appointment this week with a criminal attorney because what my mom's niece is doing is criminal and unethical.
Glad to hear it. I agree with you, her niece is exploiting her, and is possibly a big part of why she thinks she doesn't want your help.
 
Top