Can anybody shed some light or experienced anything like this and what was it?

T

Tasha1819

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Apr 23, 2019
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Barnard castle
#1
My husband was told last year he could have BPD. Had no help for the last year. Hes very angry the majority of the time. When he goes into one of his episodes it's all my fault even though to me what I've done is quite minor to the way he reacts. He literally goes from calm, cool, chatty,happy to angry, crazy, nasty & abusive. I phoned the police on him last week because I couldn't cope with his behaviour any longer and he has actually started getting help from that. The reason I'm posting on he is if anyone has or is going through this and can shed some light on what is going on or what it sounds like to you because I honestly don't believe its bpd. He sees no wrong in what he does like the vile names he calls me his crazy mood can last hours even days and it doesn't let up. He will sometimes apologise if I ask him to but I will literally only get sorry and that's it. And even go as far as blaming me. If I did what he does and behaves the way he does I would be distraught that I've treat my love one like that but to him it's normal. When he goes into a rage he will self-harm,threaten to kill himself, say the most disgusting things that I couldn't even repeat and it will go on and on for hours whether I'm defending myself or not it doesn't matter. Suddenly I've gone from the best, prettiest girl in the world to the fattest ugliest failure and it doesn't stop. He gets angry threatens me smashes the house up. He will take things off me like I'm 5 or something it's just absolutely insane to me. He acknowledges something is wrong hes struggling in his head , he can't cope, he doesn't know what is wrong with him but knows there is something, he is willing to get help, and and says he knows how he acts isn't right but cant handle it when he loses control hes lost all control and in his head hes telling himself what hes doing isn't right but cant help it We've got an appointment finally finally after a long hard battle with a mental health team there will be a psychologist and something called a affective team? If anyone can make any suggestions to what this could be please can I have your suggestions. Theres all sorts of mental health issues and i don't have the first clue
 
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Luci

Luci

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#2
Hi there, if he does have BPD a lot of the behaviour you are describing could be a result of that. However, even if that is the case, he must learn to control himself and his emotions, it is not an excuse to treat you and speak to you that way. If he is able to admit the extent of the problem to professionals that is a brilliant start. It can be extremely difficult to control but it is possible, he needs to learn what triggers his behaviour and how to control it. It will be hard to be his partner and you will have to be very strong while he works through this. Can you do that? If not is it possible you live separately? Then you both have a safe space and can be together when you are both feeling well.
 
T

Tasha1819

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Barnard castle
#3
He says I'm the trigger even if I do the slightest thing wrong/or does agree with not meaning in a malicious or nasty way just sometimes even daft stuff. So finding a trigger I think would be difficult. I can cope at times it's really testing and takes every ounce of my strength but I'm his wife and I have committed to him. Maybe once he starts getting help he will slowly start to make change X
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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#4
He says I'm the trigger even if I do the slightest thing wrong/or does agree with not meaning in a malicious or nasty way just sometimes even daft stuff. So finding a trigger I think would be difficult. I can cope at times it's really testing and takes every ounce of my strength but I'm his wife and I have committed to him. Maybe once he starts getting help he will slowly start to make change X
if he is open to getting help,then i would say yes try but he has to put in the work to get his mental illness under control. BPD is not a excuse to treat people like crap.

I have BPD (also known as eupd) and I try to treat others how I want to be treated. Whether I'm successful I can only go by how others react to me. Nobody in my real life knows my disagnosises though.

:hug:
 
T

Tasha1819

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Apr 23, 2019
Messages
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Barnard castle
#5
Which is what is sort of making me think it isn't bpd because as you say like me you treat people how you want to be treated I am exactly the same. He does see everything black and white. But theres just a lot that I think hes probably got a lot more going on. I just don't want to face it that hes behaving in this way for the sake of it I guess
 
Luci

Luci

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#6
I know exactly what you mean, I have EUPD/BPD and I have a now ex partner who I was engaged to and he suffered a lot with his mental health. He treat me like a babysitter, cash machine and prostitute. 2 years of putting up with it and trying and him saying hes going to get help, saying all the right things.... it wore me down and I've had my children removed due to MY mental health..... I know all situations are different but please be careful, look after yourself first. You can only help your husband if he wants to help himself.... ♡