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Can anybody help in this situation?

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Tasha1819

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Barnard castle
My husband was told last year he could have BPD. Had no help for the last year. Hes very angry the majority of the time. When he goes into one of his episodes it's all my fault even though to me what I've done is quite minor to the way he reacts. He literally goes from calm, cool, chatty,happy to angry, crazy, nasty & abusive. I phoned the police on him last week because I couldn't cope with his behaviour any longer and he has actually started getting help from that. The reason I'm posting on he is if anyone has or is going through this and can shed some light on what is going on or what it sounds like to you because I honestly don't believe its bpd. He sees no wrong in what he does like the vile names he calls me his crazy mood can last hours even days and it doesn't let up. He will sometimes apologise if I ask him to but I will literally only get sorry and that's it. And even go as far as blaming me. If I did what he does and behaves the way he does I would be distraught that I've treat my love one like that but to him it's normal. When he goes into a rage he will self-harm threaten to kill himself, say the most disgusting things that I couldn't even repeat and it will go on and on for hours whether I'm defending myself or not it doesn't matter. Suddenly I've gone from the best, prettiest girl in the world to the fattest ugliest failure and it doesn't stop. He gets angry threatens me smashes the house up. He will take things off me like I'm 5 or something it's just absolutely insane to me. He acknowledges something is wrong hes struggling in his head , he can't cope, he doesn't know what is wrong with him but knows there is something, he is willing to get help, and and says he knows how he acts isn't right but cant handle it when he loses control hes lost all control and in his head hes telling himself what hes doing isn't right but cant help it We've got an appointment finally finally after a long hard battle with a mental health team there will be a psychologist and something called a affective team? If anyone can make any suggestions to what this could be please can I have your suggestions. Theres all sorts of mental health issues and i don't have the first clue
 
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Tomorrows a new day

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
165
Location
England
Hi, has he seen a psychiatrists? a diagnosis is needed then he can get some meds
 
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Tasha1819

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Barnard castle
No this is what we've been fighting for a over a year. We've got an appointment next week with an affective team which can look at medication and a psychologist to see if they can see what is going on just wondering if anyone has experienced this and what it was
 
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Tomorrows a new day

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
165
Location
England
Well at least that's good news, you need a expert really to help you. Lots of mental illnesses can cause those behaviours, good luck
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
10,565
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Has he definately been disagnosed with BPD?

Yes it's a real condition but he needs to put the work in to get as well as he can be, this means seeing a professional and getting help. I hope this makes sense :hug:
 
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Tasha1819

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Barnard castle
Not as such the mental health team said that's what his symptoms sounded like and said he could have to wait a year to go on a course to show commitment. Then last week after his arrest he got seen by the liason and diversion team at the police station who said it sounded like he was suffering from emotional deregulation but was going to refer him back to the mental health team so he can be seen sooner.
 
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cookoo

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Joined
Mar 16, 2019
Messages
78
Location
London
My gp and therapist both advised me that when it comes to mental health the first step to improvement apart from medication therapy counselling etc is actually owning & acknowledgement of the symptoms. You mentioned that your husband responds well when the police got involved. Have you wondered why? Police obviously have an authoritative and fearful presence. This is what brings your husband’s emotions in control and back to his senses.
 
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cookoo

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 16, 2019
Messages
78
Location
London
Sorry cuckoo i don't understand what your trying to say X
Hi,
that's okay i should have really explained better. A friend of mine was in a similar situation with her husband who was suffering with depression. At first she didn't have a clue on how to deal with him when his depression began acting up and one day she just had enough of him and lashed out on him because she was scared for the both of them. She was verbally intimidating and portrayed aggressive body language towards him which surprisingly calmed him down. Her husband later on told her that when she shouted at him he actually felt better and helped him focus. I'm not trying to say to put yourself at risk but sometimes with people who are aggressive when suffering from depression you've got to show some sort of authority over them in order to help them focus and not let their minds wonder. I guess you can say a shock treatment.
 
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Tasha1819

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Barnard castle
Ah strangely enough when I have shouted at him before he has sort of took a step back as if he was shocked and calmed down but most or the time I just think if I stay quiet I wont be antagonising and make things worse but that's something I will keep in mind be stern thankyou
 
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wonderlandnot

New member
Joined
Dec 6, 2018
Messages
1
Did his behaviour change last year or was that when he first got diagnosed?
 
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