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Can any other high functioning individuals relate to myself ?

A

Aharddaysnight94

Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2022
Messages
5
Location
Suffolk, uk
So firstly to anyone reading my post Hello ! I have joined this forum and writing this post as quite frankly my experience of mental health/lifestyle is such a personal, necessary and closed world. Really i want to connect with individuals who have similar experiences, none of my freinds suffer with anything mental health related so it often feels like a solitary journey.

I will try and keep this relatively short as unless its an individual i know personally or admire i dont always want to read their life story.

So i would describe myself as being somewhat high functioning ( has not always been the case ) with relation to my mental health. I have never been formally diagnosed but the closest my therapist has said is possible cyclothymia, from as young as seven years old i have always suffered with intrusive explicit sexual thoughts, as i got older late teens depression, anxiety etc. Unfortunately i had a very difficult home life for a few years which was somewhat traumatic. My family tree is also riddled with mental health ( thanks god ! )

Anyway so i am a 27 year old single male, i run my own business doing restoration. I have been doing this around a year. I eat quite clean most of the time and workout three times a week doing powerlifting exercises and in very good shape. I take fluoxetine ( prozac ) 40mg , 4000 i.u’s vitamin D, zinc , magnesium and a stomach medication.

I love anything to do with spirituality and life's bigger/deeper questions. I have a very old soul, i am an avid listener of alan watts, ram dass, lex fridman and joe rogan etc. If i feel good i love to see friends and in my spare time i always have projects I'm working on.

NOW this is where i find myself struggling at times. When i am feeling okay ( normal, level and grounded etc ) i find enjoyment in things, i feel hopeful about the future and things i have to look forward to. I have energy and a lot of drive and optimism. I realise how important the love i have around me is. Then every few weeks i tend to hit what i can only describe as a wall , i have had this in ways for many years but it has become much more noticeable. It will always start off with me feeling extremely fatigued , accompanied by anxiety/low mood, obsessing over worries, lack of enjoyment or optimism , disturbed sleep and really dont want to socialise or be anywhere iver stressing to the senses. During this time i find myself quite simply wanting to spend a day or two on my couch to rest with no commitments at all, where i can read, light candles and watch movies etc. Where i don't have to force myself to society's expectations or constraints of a functioning adult. As during these low periods im still having to carry on with working out, work and customer relations, driving , groceries , keeping in touch with freinds and family.

I can only describe this like my body/mind is like a delicate high functioning machine for a period where i get things done to extremely high standards in all areas, but its limited. Once The energy is used i have the low. I sometimes wonder is this just part of being an adult in current western society ? Whatever the case it is bloody exhausting and it feels like i am on such different parameters to other people. Can anybody else relate to this ? If so what things have helped you ( medications natural/prescribed, lifestyle etc )

I have spent thousands on therapy over the years and still feel at times like I'm nowhere closer to getting an answer , it is just a burden i have to carry alone and somewhat in silence. One of the four noble truths in life is suffering, but to suffer more than others and have no control over it... this is the part i struggle to accept.
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
8,085
Location
Canada
Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you are doing OK overall. Not sure how you can manage the rougher days.
 
LoqLamp

LoqLamp

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 26, 2021
Messages
1,003
Location
UK
Space your work life out more? You kinda sound like a student who only crams and studies when they feel like it and then burns out. Discipline and not overworking are skills.
 
A

Aharddaysnight94

Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2022
Messages
5
Location
Suffolk, uk
Thanks for the replies , yeah i know sometimes i wish on the rougher days i i could take something to make it a bit easier , i have been debating trying some edible cannabis as im super wary of thinking of going near benzos. But i may see my gp about possibly thinking i have cyclothemia and seeing what they suggest. I dont drink or do anything for fun drug wise.

Yes i agree with you there aswell i do tend to cram a lot in work wise and i can be really bad at giving myself time off when i need to, i think it is due to the people i have around me who are very driven hard workers, i used to have no structure at one point in my life and work/goals/tasks are one way in which i keep on top of my mental health, but as i say when i am feeling good i feel super motivated to complete tasks and have lots of passion. Whether these two things may actually be doing more than good sometimes ...
 
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