• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Can’t stop thinking about past incidents obsessive thoughts

R

raykel08

Member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
6
Location
canada
Can’t wrap my head around what happened before? Help

Hi. Lately since having so much downtime I’ve been thinking about the past to much and especially one incident, it happened a couple years ago, I had a male friend come over for a hook up and a drink or 2 , I’m also a male, and we started fore-playing outside and such , and then we went inside and starting having sex in bed, and while during it I noticed he keep closing his eyes while I was penetrating him, like some weird sleep sex kink or something?? And then I would stop and he’d open his eyes and act like he’s sleeping then when I said are you ok and stopped and when he noticed I stopped he put it back in and closed his eyes again and acted like he was sleeping. So the whole thing bothers me cause it feels like I assaulted him. When he kept initiating it . And wanting it to happen while he dozed off… maybe some weird fetish he had ? No idea… I just feel off about the whole thing . Help. ? Or advice … feeling like a bad person . Can’t stop obsessive thinking about stuff and making myself feel bad did I do something wrong?
 
A

Alice07Hatter

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2016
Messages
28
Hi, sorry to hear your feeling like this, do you have these kind of thoughts regularly or just this one thing?
From what you have described happening I would out right say that he was very aware of what was happening (as you said you stopped and he pulled you back to continue) and would say this seems completely fine, sometimes people have different things they like during sex, but sometimes closing your eyes is just a better way to focus on the feeling and not everything else around you.
I'm going to also assume that you were both sober enough to have sex and consent so I wouldn't worry about it at all.
Have you spoke to him since? If you do speak to him regularly then I'm sure he would have said something, if you don't speak to him now, just try to think what happened after you guys were done, did he stay the night? Did he have a conversation with you after and leave? Etc, because if something like that had happened there would be some sort of evidence for example if he cried and ran out, if he didn't want you near him, if he seemed upset the next day etc.

I think your fine honestly, but when I have irrational intrusive thoughts my therapist says to look at the evidence :)

Hope this helps. Take care
 
R

raykel08

Member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
6
Location
canada
Hi , thank you for responding . And yes I have these kind of thoughts regularly about different things, thinking I did something wrong or I’m an offender and I believe myself I don’t know why. Yeah we were in the spooning position, and I noticed after 5 mins he would start dozing off and I would pause and feel uncomfortable and he would then initiate it again. But what if I didn’t notice it right away he was dozing off and my brain thinks I assaulted him. And he keep doing it again acting like he was sleeping or something . And I then completely stopped and told him to leave and we haven’t spoken since. My brain wants to believe I did something wrong and it won’t let me
Stop thinking about it, but thank you for the reply
 
R

raykel08

Member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
6
Location
canada
And then I think also what if I can’t remember every detail that happened and it just goes on
 
A

Alice07Hatter

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2016
Messages
28
Sorry you feel this way. But one thing my therapist told me when I had intrusive thoughts, is that people who fear the thoughts are the people least likely to act on them. I would say the fact you stopped and asked him to leave because of this would indicate your want to do the right thing and make sure you didn't do anything wrong. Which I'm sure you didn't from what you have said :) noone remembers every single detail in life but I'm sure you would remember anything important, like stopped when you felt uncomfortable with him seeming to be falling asleep. Try not to worry, the more thought you give to the intrusive thoughts the more power and anxiety it will have over you! Of course this is difficult, but its do-able, do something you enjoy :) see friends, family or something for a while it might help!
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
Y Thinking non-stop about being a trans Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 15
O How do I stop thinking I’m pregnant Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 5
K I cant make them stop Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 8
Amelia2020 How do you stop the repeating thoughts? Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 2
B It is ok to stop working for a while Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 9
T This video won’t stop triggering me and I don’t know what to do (HOCD) *NSFW* Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 3
M Lost drugs (cant stop feeling guilty) Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 4
M Aaarrrgggghhhh - stop my compulsions Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 1
E Help me stop my ocd. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 2
S New magical thinking OCD stressing me out Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 4
K Is this self-harm ocd or suicidal thinking? Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 5
D Magical thinking Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 18
R Thinking of the worst all the time Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 11
B Past contamination OCD Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 5
srenz5821 Guilt about racist past Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 51
dontknowwhattodowithoutyou i always feel like I belong to jail over past things Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum 9

Similar threads

Top