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Can’t Find Help

J

Jj517

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May 17, 2021
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Minnesota
I am 35 year old female with past history of bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder and obsessive/compulsive behaviors that I never discussed with anyone since my whole adult life has been dedicated to staying out of the psych offices and having no medical records showing any signs of mental problems because I want to be taken seriously if something is physically wrong with me.

I finally had things change when I was under crazy stress and having a breakdown and I got a UTI and first became obsessed thinking i had PGAD but then convinced felt terrified I was gettin physical feelings for people I should be. ispent a month suicidal. I withdrew from everyone and everything. I finally went and talked to the only damn therapistwho has openings and he gets me to just blurt all this shit out and he tells me I should talk to a female my age about myquestioning my preferences. I yelled at him that I told him I’m not QUESTIONING ANYTHING. I KNOW my preferences. I’m in car crying so bad now. Nobody can help me. And I finally make the step to get help and this guy thinksmy preferences might been teens or dogs?!!! So now add to the obsession ... can he turn me in?! I have teenagers. I only opened up because I read enough online that I thought this apparently is a thing that a professional knows, and his website said ocd on his list of many hats. I will stop typing.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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I'd go a see a psychiatrist who could help with your bipolar and other conditions.
Some therapists aren't that good.
If you do try another therapist check they are registered, there are some good ones out there.
I am so sorry this has happened to you.
Please don't let one bad therapist stop you trying again for help.
Hugs
 
J

Jj517

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Minnesota
The bipolar isn’t the issue. It’s the obsessive worrying when my anxiety is high that I am sexually interested in people that I know I am NOT. But NOW it is obsessively replaying and wondering WHY did I blurt it out ?!! I’ve spent years being guarded. I just want to know how to control my own damn mind. It’s too much and he apparently believes I am questioning if I am interested in the wrong people or things. Despite my telling him from jump that is the OPPOSITE of what I am saying. But knowing he thinks that I am has now triggered me back into this “well fuck, what if I am?!!!” And back to “why did I say this to him?!!!” I can’t breathe. I can’t stop crying. I am exhausted and I feel so stupid and alone and sick. I just need to go back and redo this day and not go to this appointment!!
 
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Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Oh I'm so sorry, I hope you can find a better therapist.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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The bipolar isn’t the issue. It’s the obsessive worrying when my anxiety is high that I am sexually interested in people that I know I am NOT. But NOW it is obsessively replaying and wondering WHY did I blurt it out ?!! I’ve spent years being guarded. I just want to know how to control my own damn mind. It’s too much and he apparently believes I am questioning if I am interested in the wrong people or things. Despite my telling him from jump that is the OPPOSITE of what I am saying. But knowing he thinks that I am has now triggered me back into this “well fuck, what if I am?!!!” And back to “why did I say this to him?!!!” I can’t breathe. I can’t stop crying. I am exhausted and I feel so stupid and alone and sick. I just need to go back and redo this day and not go to this appointment!!
What did you say to him and what did it make him think that is causing such upset for you?
 
J

Jj517

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Apparently he is a counselor that just helps with life changes etc. I didn’t realize that when I went into this. I was trying to find a way to explain my anxiety turning to groin all responses triggering horrible fears that I am some how turned on by these other things. Literally said multiple times that when my anxiety dies down, so does everything else and I can rationally know that these responses are anxiety. But he suggested I talk to someone different about me questioning my preferences. I am horrified. Actually, before walking in that door I had been reading enough tricks to not reassure yourself but just ignore it/laugh it off etc and I felt I was getting a handle on this. But his response just threw me into such a mess. I have dealt for years with obsessively checking house for bugs every time I walk in a room, avoiding shows that show people getting infested, but this i just can’t even say how much this is ruining my life. even though I know that it isn’t real I feel that there is something wrong with me for it even ever being something I would be scared of. Idk how it turned this direction. I was studying for school and doing alright. overloaded with work . Got severely stressed after two months of work and school without a day off. I got a UTI and then Something just snapped. Once the idea is in my head it is so hard to convince myself this is NOT real. Idk
 
T

ThinkingOfAUserName

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Feb 3, 2021
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Mexico
I really don't know what to say, except keep looking. Finding a therapist can be even harder than finding a romantic partner, seriously, you have to sort of put your emotions out there naked, and he/she doesn't reply the same way, there is no sexual attraction that could make the awkward go away, lol, I think it is hard to find a therapist that will do such a good job that they will make you go back for more. Therapy is not supposed to be easy or a fun time, but if you feel like something is off with a therapist, listen to yourself and keep looking, do not settle for a therapist that can't even understand what you are trying to say and throws crap at you in return. It can even make things worse for you, like taking the wrong medication.

I wish you the best, may you find the right one.
 
R

Rochefort 10

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May 23, 2021
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around
Ive had therapists do the same thing, want to talk about the underlying causes of intrusive thoughts. They're intrusive! Everyone has them, but people with OCD can't get rid of them. Seek someone out that specializes in OCD (preferably pure o) for treatment. Also don't worry about what you said to him, he can't do anything. I have those kinds of worries too, obsessive guilt about something I did, like I really fucked up. For me, they're part of the OCD too and can get treated the same way, but a little harder to recognize.
 
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