Hi everyone. Thanks so much for your replies.
@daffy He has had therapy before, and he went to therapy for about a year (CBT), however, I don't believe that he took much from it. As in, I don't think he actively practices what he learnt when he feels anxious.
@gam9147 , thanks for your response. It really helps to hear everyones experience. I don't think he completely realises when he reacts in certain situations. I would wish for him to take medication because I think thats the only measure that would work. I only say that because this has been an ongoing problem for 10 years now and there are some very common themes. He has suffered for so long so I think medication would take the edge off, however he isn't willing to take medication at all.
@Cpt_Stunning , I suggested for him to get a hobby, so he has started to go gym a lot more now. However he says this makes him feel even more anxious! Another factor that makes it difficult as well is that he does not have a proper support system, he barely has friends and that makes matter tougher for him because when he feels like he wants to just unwind then he has no one other than me to do so with.
@Onionapple I do think there is some depression going on but i am not sure cause he is high functioning, goes work, gym, takes care of himself etc. I would say with the closest people in his life he has somewhat of an "easier time" to get frustrated/annoyed at.. So I have seen him be quite frustrated or angry with his closest family members. However at work or with other people he is quite..calm and relaxed. That being said, say for example we went to a restaurant and someone was rude to him, then he does get quite riled up. With me, its occasionally he gets ratty but he isn't "abusive" or anything as such. He has got a short fuse at the moment I would say, in general.
@Mollyblue77 Thank you for the reassurance! That makes a lot of sense actually. His thoughts are usually all over the place and I can see it takes real energy for him to explain something to me sometimes. For example if he talks about work, and he explains something I have no clue about and then I ask him for more explanation in regards to that..well sometimes that does not sit well with him and sometimes he's happy to explain it to me.
Right now, things have been very difficult for us. Ill try explain best of why that is.
First of all, he is generally unhappy in life. He stated its because he isn't "where he wants to be in life". That means: He isn't happy with his job, its a well paid and great job however he has no passion for it what so ever and he says that going to work mentally drains him because he sits at work for 8 hours and is not stimulated what so ever. Stmulation is very important for him and for him its very important that his job gives him satisfaction, and it doesn't.
- Financially, he wants to buy a house and he isn't at the point to do so. He sees everyone around him doing so and feels somewhat like a failure. He has a hard time saving, not because he spends a lot but because he has many various expenses so this makes him feel very bad.
- Friendships, he does not have many friends and the ones he does have do not seem to care for him much. So he feels pretty lonely.
- Family, his family..I mean, id say they have a bit of a toxic environment at home. They are always arguing, shouting, name calling, there hasn't really ever been calm at home for him. He has almost no relationship to his dad cause theres always been some tension there. They have gone years without talking and his dad thinks he is a "failure".
- Love, this is the hardest one for me to explain without me shedding some tears lol. We have been together for many years now and we have gone through so much together. Illnesses, financial struggles, work struggles, etc etc and also the best of times together. We are each others best friend. In fact, we call each other family over anything else. It has come to the point now where we both want to get married, we both feel its the next step in our relationship. HOWEVER, ever since we had that discussion he has expressed concerns about "what if we get married and it doesn't work out" and a few days ago he said "I don't have that butterfly feeling for you anymore". For him, that intense "love" feeling should always be there otherwise you aren't really in love. I tried explaining to him that its normal not to have those emotions anymore for echother cause now we have "true love", as time has let our relationship evolve to such a great partnership. However recently he has been insisting on how his feelings for me are "dead" and he doesn't feel the spark and passion. Some of the things he says, is not realistic cause love is calm...not intense and about "butterfly feelings", and a relationship is something you work on...thats my view. He has barely in his life seen a great marriage, his mum and dad have a horrible marriage, so does more or less everyone around him. He also feels like divorce is not an option so if you do get married then it has to be to the "right" person who makes you feel all these things.
Anyway. Ill stop writing now otherwise I would go on for ages. I just wanna deeply say thanks for everyones help. I am SO lonely in this situation and all people around me tell me to do is "leave". I don't want to leave, especially if its anxiety causing all this. He is an amazing person and Id like to help.
Again, if there is any insight on what I have written above and if anyone have similar experiences please do share. Again, Thank you all! You're all amazing!
