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Bullying-why me

megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
7,159
Location
NZ
What is it?
I dont get it, I got bullied at home by my Mother and siblings, got bullied at school, and now I have been bullied at work I dont get it why is it that most parts of my life I have got bullied what is it about me I just dont get it
 
Seachad

Seachad

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2018
Messages
516
Location
Central Florida
What is it?
I dont get it, I got bullied at home by my Mother and siblings, got bullied at school, and now I have been bullied at work I dont get it why is it that most parts of my life I have got bullied what is it about me I just dont get it
I used to be in that boat, myself. I was abused at home, and bullied at school, when I was young. Part of it could be behavioral and 'body language' cues that one tends to give, without realizing it, when one's used to being bullied and abused. That can serve as a sort of signal that acts like 'blood in the water' to the sort of people who get off upon bullying, abusing, and making others miserable.

The thing to remember, of course, is that it isn't your fault, and that you don't deserve to be abused and bullied. That's the hard part to keep hold of, when it's happening. Because they'll do everything they can, to convince you that it is your fault, that you do deserve what they're doing to you, and that, if you'd only do whatever it is they say they want you to do, and that you should be doing, that they wouldn't have to do these terrible things to you.

Of course, their goalposts are always movable. No matter what you do, how hard you try, or how well you conform to what they say you should be doing -- no matter what hoops they set for you to jump through, and how perfectly you jump through them -- they simply tell you didn't jump through them properly, or that they actually said to jump through different hoops, or to jump through them in a different order, or even not to jump through any hoops at all, and what upon earth are you talking about?

Because it isn't about what you're doing or not doing. It's about their justifying their behavior, their mistreatment of you, and their own ghoulish enjoyment of it. They have to have some mitigating reason that makes their behavior (and even more so their enjoyment of your suffering) acceptable and blameless, so they make-up whatever ludicrous reasons they can cobble together and throw them at you by way of justification. It doesn't matter that they're tissue-thin, and fall apart at the first breath of questioning. They're never actually going to question them, in the first place. They're simply going to use them as a convenient throw-away justification for their behavior and to excuse their enjoyment of your pain. Which is, of course, the reason for the bullying and the abuse in the first place.

TL;dr - They're hurting you because they like to watch you suffer, and they're getting off on your pain. It isn't your fault. You're not doing anything wrong. They're sick in the head, and they're enjoying what they're doing, and feeding, emotionally, off of your suffering. It makes them feel powerful and strong. But it isn't your fault, or anything you're doing wrong. The flaw is in them, not in you.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
7,159
Location
NZ
Thanks for that its a strange world at times
 
G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
295
I'm sorry to hear your difficulties. I'll answer by saying I completely understand what its like to be bullied. I get grief everywhere I go and I always have. I really pity people who get bullied because its hell. You already feel bad enough about yourself and someone else has the pleasure of kicking you while you're down, just to be jerk and for kicks.

I've tried to reach out on other forums and I just get smacked down. Nobody takes me seriously and they try to play the 'guessing game.' They think they know everything about me and they criticized me for being depressed. Or somebody shouts something out the window as they drive by or flip me off, for no reason. There's being bullied and then theres being ostracized. Ostracism inflicts deeper longer lasting wounds.

The best thing is to ignore these people. Its hard but just realize this is your world too and you have a right to be here as much as they do. :)
 
S

Snowyrabbit

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 26, 2017
Messages
290
hello , i am so sorry to hear of this , people can really be awful to one another. and i understnad why you are questioning why me.. because its a good question to ask.. i have been through a lot of trauma and i ask the same questions .. why me, why me , why just trauma and nothing else, unfortunately there does not seem to be a good enough answer apart from the fact that we have been very unlucky in life . i'm not sure why this has to keep happening to you but i guess its not you that is the probleml it is totally them .. not you at all .. people can be really horrible and seem to like hurting other people, why i do not know
 
PAULA120

PAULA120

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 9, 2018
Messages
57
Location
London
I think that this event is due to the fact that often we can not be assertive, and others only can use it when we do not show our strength and we do not speak our opinion
 
S

skyfoxdawn

New member
Joined
Sep 1, 2018
Messages
4
Location
knowhere
I also had bullying issues when I was in highschool, but when I decided I had enough I made sure anyone who tries to bully me will taste my fists (I am not promoting violence). there is no one in the world that can save you from bullying except yourself, just show them you can be a much as a bully as they can can be.
 
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Fancyharm

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
511
Location
West Midlands
Hi. This is my first post. I joined the forum in order to see if anyone had posted what summed up my feelings. To my amazement seachad has written about exactly what I am going through. Thank god someone gets it. To megirl and all the other posters I'm sending you my love in order to help you through. A little about me, I have had counselling about 20 years ago and it was one of the best things I ever paid money for. It helped me to piece together what had happened at home in my childhood. I learned relaxation skills which I have used ever since, not just for depression but for IBS. But back to why I read this thread, I feel I attract (and was told this by my counsellor) bullies. I am told that I am a warm and kind person, trustworthy, which I know I am. Tomorrow I will write more on my background. I would also like some advice if possible regarding how to move forward. At the moment I am jobless due to my controlling boyfriend who I used to work with who did me out of my job just to be in control.
 
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