Bullying problems?

[Soren]

has anyone had any problems with bullying? i've had so many problems, even in my 20s and 30s, with people who think they can ridicule, humiliate or belittle me.

this is probably because i'm socially isolated and withdrawn (and therefore unlikely to retaliate or otherwise pose a threat), and because i can't work (and am therefore obviously a useless backward malingerer etc). basically, i'm an easy target, and i find it difficult to fight back.

the thing is, even when i can see that what these people are doing is small-minded, ignorant and petty, i still find it almost impossible not to be wounded by it.

why is this???!!!

sometimes, it seems that i must implicitly agree with what they say or what they think. and that makes me wonder whether, deep down, i share their prejudices in some way (otherwise, why would i be bothered by their behaviour?).

on the other hand, maybe its not that at all; maybe its just that its always horrible to be surrounded by hostile ignorant people, especially when you don't have anyone on your side to counterbalance the abuse.

any thoughts?

 

[cloudberry]

The latter, IMHO

Hi Soren,

I think its the latter - that not having anyone on your side to back you up and support you rather than its that you align with the bullies, that makes it hard. As you said in the earlier part of your post - you are isolated and "different" (and vulnerable) and that makes you an easy target.

I am being bullied at the moment, I am in my forties. She (the bully, my "tenant from hell") has her husband, mummy and daddy around all the time holding her hand, doing stuff for her etc. Until a couple of months ago I had no-one. And for three years I have just taken it from her.

Then John my b/f came on the scene and saw what was going on. Offered to act as my agent with her. Today she gets a five page letter from my solicitors. I wouldnt have had the courage to do that on my own. I'd have sat and cried instead.

I am lucky. But you might try and get some support too. Even just with friends on this forum.

The final part of the letter from my solicitors advises her against slandering me. Something she does as a hobby it would seem.

At the end of the day remember, you are a decent person. Bullies are sad inadequate individuals who prey on those who are vulnerable. Their world view is extremely limited, to themselves and themselves alone. I try on a good day to feel sorry for my bully.

The rest of the time I want to set her hair on fire of course, but thats normal anger!

Good morning, sending love and light,

cloudberry

 

[elvis the cat]

hi soren
I know how i felt when i was being intimedated & bullied by 2 of my so called coulleges i kept going , but when i realised that they were also doing the same to the service users that i worked with ( who are very vunerable adults )i i blew the whistle & left the company . as far as work goes i'm a pushover always wanting to please ,seek approval .

 

[Ainsworth]

hi soren
I know how i felt when i was being intimedated & bullied by 2 of my so called coulleges i kept going , but when i realised that they were also doing the same to the service users that i worked with ( who are very vunerable adults )i i blew the whistle & left the company . as far as work goes i'm a pushover always wanting to please ,seek approval .

yeah to you but sad you had to leave your job

be proud of what you did do before leaving

 

[elvis the cat]

hi unremarkable i am proud of what i did but felt i could not cope with any backlash from bullies . im lucky i can speak up for myself my service users couldn't so somebody needed to support them . . yeah i did love my job but it was the final straw for my carrer in care work i needed to get out .
went to another care job after this but my heart was not in the job anymore & my depression took its toil . i've worked hard on to get back 2 some kind of normality and hope to start my new job in the next few weeks .

I WON'T LET THE B*******DS GET ME DOWN .

 

[Ainsworth]

spotty thats what field i work in too. the job itself with no added pressures can be tough.

im off work now with depression and probably another 10 things! heads screwed.

i would of probably done the same and left afterwards. there is nothing worse then having to face people like that everyday. its just ashame the bullies get away with it and make peoples lives hell.

but really glad the service user was protected

 

[Ainsworth]

just to reply to the OP

i was bullied as a child, at home, in school <continues for 5 pages>

i would fight back, it would leave me defeated afterwards but no one ever saw that. i cried in my room away from people.

the memories from being bullied are raw even now.

 

[elvis the cat]

Yeah i went through same thing at school . I had no freinds ,i was the weird one . The one they called names made fun of or just competly ignored and was looked at as though i was something dirty on there shoe. Between home life as a kid, school life i've always seemed to be a target .

 

[Ainsworth]

i met one of my bullies when my youngest started school, his (yes a bloke) child was in the same class. i remember freezing (oops there you go apotheosis i a frozen moment) and wanting to run. i was in my twenties. push past the feeling and stood next to him, as he was talking to someone i knew. he didnt even remember me and spoke to me. i didnt respond but have to say he was still a dickhead

 

[elvis the cat]

I think its the bullies that have the problem coz somthing must be going wrong in there life to feel the need to bully someone else , it never amazes me what one humanbeing can put another humanbeing through for instant gratification .

 

[Soren]

thanks for posting replies everybody. its a great help to know you're not the only one.

 

[Bandit]

I know its so much easier said than done but you have to stand up to bullies. I have come across bullles a few times, bullies tend to be unintelligent in my experience and are very often feel intellectually threatened by their victims. I was the subject of bullying in my place of work about 3 years ago, it started when I started to work for this company and at the beginning I didn't realise it was just me, I assumed (mistakenly) that it was just the way things worse, I blew the whistle eventually but only after I realised how miserable my life had become working for this company. After I blew the whiste I had such tremendous support from my co-workers who were also subject to the bullying in previous times but were too scared to stand up. The bullies were removed and needless to say its much a healthier working environment. Standing up to the bully really does work.

 

[dib4uk]

Bullying is horrible, regardless of age! I was bullied as a child but especially as a teenager.